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Is she cheating?

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Posted 10/28/2011 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Lately the mother of my child and I got back together but things are so different now. we broke up before due to me being insensitive and lying about hanging out with friends she disapproved of. It took a couple of months before she took me back but I had to give up my email, facebook and cell to her. I was hesitant at first and felt that she should do the same but according to her I had no right since I wanted to stay together. In the end I gladly gave it up to see my daughter again and try to reconnect my family however its been two months and I feel so depressed she treats me with no respect, she shouts and hits me when I do something wrong. The intimacy is gone as in she doesn't like kissing me and we only had sex twice in two months. Earlier I felt like she was lying about where she was and when I tried to confront her she totally fliped out on me and somehow made it my fault. I don't know what to do anymore, I had my first panic attack a couple of days ago my best friend dad died and I asked her if we can go see him she agreed but took so long to get ready, so I got frustrated and made a side comment in the car how come it took you so long. she started shouting at me and when i tried to defend myself with reasonable argument she punched me in the face and when I raised my voice after that she slapped me. we were in her car and I wanted to get out but she threaten me that I wouldn't be able to see her and my daughter again and to me that feelings worst then getting hit in the face. When she left me before, she took my daughter and didn't let me see her I couldn't call the police or bring her to court because in the philippines custody of a child below 7years old goes to the mother. So I just do what she says trying not to make a mistake but sometimes i feel so depressed, even crying sometimes. =(
Posted 10/28/2011 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
It is not good for you, your girlfriend, or your child to try to force an abusive relationship to work. Do you want your child to grow up thinking it is okay to beat around a spouse? Do you want her to be fearful that if she angers someone, she will get yelled at or hit? I know it would be very tough to let your daughter go, but the relationship will not be good for her development.

Is she ever this way toward your daughter? If she is proven abusive, will that affect custody?

It sounds to me like she thinks she can treat you however she wants and just hold your child over your head. It does not sound to me like she wants to be in the relationship, but will use your support. I would say to talk to her about couples counseling, but how do you think she would react to that?
Posted 10/28/2011 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

It sounds to me like you are use to getting pushed around by her. Have you thought about going to counseling for you? I think it would help you to be stronger and have more power in this situation. It sounds like you will do anything for your daughter. How old is she? Just curious as to how long you will have to go through the mother to see her.

It is right that you shouldn't fight in front of the little one. And you should look out for what is best for her. If you truly can't get custody and do have to put up with the mother of your child, it may be best to stay away until you can regain custody. Maybe just see her on special occasions. You don't deserve to be treated so badly. I really recommend counseling for at least you. Couple counseling would be even better but I doubt that she would go. I don't know though.

I hope that things work out for you and your daughter.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/29/2011 11:48 AM (GMT 0)
Today I definitely feel shes hiding something from me. We were at a halloween party today, which she thought I wasn't going to be at but when I called her to let her know I was coming, I felt a sort of hesitant lie when I asked her where the party was at and how come she wasn't there yet? So When I got there something in my gut told me he was there and I think I spotted him it felt as if everyone around me knew what was going on I felt angry but couldn't do anything about it. Then I spotted something very suspicious the guy who was with im guessing his mom, dad, sister, and nieces kept on looking at me and the mother of my child but what confirmed my suspicions was when the mother of my child was trying to keep my eyes off them but I couldn't I had to know finally my heart sank I saw them try to hand a piece of paper to her brother. I made excuses took what I thought was the paper but it just had a bunch of condo units on it availible for trick and treating but I remembered something when I got there as I was looking in my daughters bag the mom told me the people made the mistake of giving the name mara as my daughters name tag, which is really far from kassidy I got the name tag looked on the back of it and there it was a condo unit number. and everytime i try to confront her she just gets mad and says why are you ruining my day? I feel like a fool or am I just paranoid? I feel as if im losing my all respect for myself.. this is so depressing that im even thinking of this.. =(
Posted 10/29/2011 1:12 PM (GMT 0)
It is so hard to say it there is something going on or if you are in fact paranoid... But either way, I think that this relationship is unhealthy for you. It has you tied up in knots and frazzled. That has got to be a lot to deal with. I really think a counselor could help you to sort this out. You need some body on your side of the equation.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/30/2011 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
You say in the Phillipines custody of a child under 7 automatically goes to the mother, but what about visitation rights of the non custodial parent?

Have you spoken to a lawyer about what is going on and what your legal options are? If you have, did you tell the lawyer about the abuse she has inflicted upon you? If you have not then it might be a good idea to do so and find out what legal options you have.

I know nothing about the law there. All I know is what it is in the USA and unless the non custodial parent is proven to be totally unfit as a parent they have a legal right to visitation and once it is spelled out and approved by the court the custodial parent has to abide by it or risk going to jail and possibly losing custody.
Posted 10/30/2011 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Start documenting everytime she hits you and if it leaves a mark take a photo,
then get yourself into counseling and ask your counselor what to do, and
then maybe just go thru with the divorce, as it has turned nasty...and
call the police if she hits you, that's not good for you....and if you
can document her violence towards you, you might win custody.
She needs help, and she might turn violent towards your daughter
Hope you can get out of this situation...
Keep us posted, many well wishes to you
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