Bad Day

Well I made it through yesterday. I could feel the sadness in the background but I was able to keep it from really surfacing. Today, however, I can't control it. I got to work early and tears started flowing. I went to see a student, came back to the office and began to feel so weak. My stomach feels fluttery and then the floodgates were opened with uncontrollable tears. Good thing no body was here.

I miss my ex so badly. I am miserable, at times I try to fool myself into thinking otherwise. I feel so empty and alone. My student has sickle cell anemia and was describing the levels of medicine he took for the pain. He told me how they kept increasing the milligrams until he was on a very high dose but felt nothing. Wish they could give me one of those shots. I know time heals all wounds but it is killing me in the process.

Then I get further depressed because I am at work crying and she is going on with life as normal. Seeing someone and all. And all I have are the pieces of a broken heart.

Stillme,

Read your first sentence: "I made it through yesterday". Just like you made it through yesterday, you too, will make it through today. Sometimes our sadness and pain IS overwhelming. There have been many days in the recent past where I have sat in front of the computer at work and would find myself crying, missing my other half. Think of crying as the "sweat" of emotions... sometimes, it's the only way for things to come out, the only way we can express ourselves when words aren't enough. This only went on for a bit, as I have gotten able to "hold it together" for longer periods of time. Maybe try to challenge yourself... allow little breaks in between the challenges. For example, I knew I could make it two hours without crying, so I'd take a restroom break and shed a few tears. Then back to challenging for two more hours until lunch break. This is merely a suggestion

What is it exactly that you miss?

I do think that you should do your best not to compare yourself to her. You do not know what she is thinking or feeling, only your perception of what is happening in her life. Everyone handles things in different ways; you are handling the situation differently than the next person may handle it. It is not better or worse, just different. Be kind to yourself, do not beat yourself up because you are having a rough time.

Today may not be as great at yesterday, but you never know what will happen tomorrow until you make it through today. You can do it stillme. Everyone is here to help you.

YYYaaahhh!!You made it thru yesterday-that is reason to be glad. We'll worry about tomorrow when it gets herer. Try to live in the mioment, now

Love ya and take care
Maggie

Sorry that you're feeling so bad lately. I agree with what everyone else said. Also, it is normal to feel like this if you already have depression or a depressive condition and then experience a loss of any kind. It isn't as easy to recover from for many people, but I am sure you can do it--its just really hard right now, I'm sure.

Time may heal all wounds, but in the process it drags you along face first in the mud at times. It isn't easy, for sure. I'm hoping for you to feel some relief soon, and hope that you can find your own happiness. As the other stated, you already made it through one day--and day after day, I am sure you will slowly grow and adapt. You'll make it through, even if it is tough. Keep us updated! :)

I'm glad you posted again!

Sorry you're feeling cruddy right now, but keep us posted on how you're feeling. Glad to hear you're focusing on taking it step by step. Sometimes you have to take 3 steps back, and two steps forward until you can catch up with yourself and start making actual progress. We all do it at some point, so you're not alone. :)