Depressed husband

My husband is depressed and suicidal. He has been this way for 3 years. Unfortunately I have only known for 4 weeks. I put his occasional different behavior down to stress with work and life in general/ We all get stressed right?

He told me when we were on holiday in a different country. It felt very unsafe to be in a strange land so I booked us flights to get us home.

He agreed to go to the Doctor. He was told no chemical imbalance but given a leaflet for CBT.

After a 1 hour talk to the CBT team and one hour with a support person through work he has come up with ME as the problem.

We married 2 years ago after living together for 9 years, He seemed like the happiest man in the world when we set a wedding ate. On the day he glowed! He seemed so happy and excited.

He now tells me that it was a lie. In fact the vows he took in church were lies. He did not love me then and does not love me know.

He says that I am the only thing to hang on to. Yet he pushes me away. I cant touch him. Every word I speak is wrong.

We moved into our FOREVER home 8 months ago. Again he was over the moon - or so it seemed. He now says the home is like a prison.

Last sunday he left - saying he needed to be away from here/me. He said he would come back after one week. He came back yesterday.

He moved his things into a spare room and went to bed. He did tell me about the time line he had done with CBT team and marrying be is the cause.

What do I do? I want to support him. I love him unconditionally. I try to hide my hurt. It is not always easy. I just dont know what I should do - how I should behave.

My whole being is in so much pain. I look at him and he is empty. He says everything is GREY.

What do we do to bring him through this?

I feel like I just want to curl up and pass away. I must be strong. How do I manage that.

Thank you so much for the reply. It means so much that someone is there. I feel so alone.

He saw the GP.

He wont come with me to anything. That is one thing that is very clear. Even looking at me is hard for him.

He says he cant stand to see the hurt in my eyes.

I think my son and I need help for sure.

I just dont know what to do for the best. Everything I read says just try to be normal/ I am trying so very very hard to do that.

I love him. I want to help. If I am the cause I don't want to hurt him. I want hm to have colour back in his life.

I am trying to be strong but feel like I am falling apart.

Without ultimatums, you need to be assertive in getting him to a prescribing psychiatrist asap...grey is the color of the depressed world...also, as IG has said you and your son need counseling like and alcoholic's family needs co-counseling

We are here and we care...gotta get daughter up for school.

Keep posting
Maggie

This sounds like a really difficult situation. I can't imagine that you are the sole cause of the way he is feeling. Right now to him, it may seem to make the most sense. I don't think it is good to "hide" your hurt, like others have suggested, I think it would be best for you to seek counseling from a professional. That way, you would be effectively dealing with your pain, not squishing it down.

Depression is really a miserable thing for all involved. I have been dealing with a depressed loved one for a couple months now and though it may not seem like it right now, it will get better for you. I'd like to share something I read last week that really helped me. I have been trying to "help" for a long time and to no avail. Anyway, here it is:" Your 'love' is not enough to fix this. You are too close to the depressed person to be able to solve the problem. Step back, admit that you alone are powerless against the disorder. The first stage to helping the other person is to help yourself".

You see, we can't save someone from their depression. Of course, we can love them and show support, but sometimes, the best way to love and show support is just by being a quiet bystander. I would continue to encourage your husband to attain the correct diagnosis/medications and after that, I would really just focus on myself and my son. It is going to be very very difficult, but you can't convince someone they don't want to be depressed any longer, they have to want that on their own.

Also, I understand the feelings of not being loved. I am sorry you feel that way, maybe it would be good to spend time with family or friends who do love you. Please don't blame yourself for your husband's condition. I don't think one thing can truly be to blame in depression and right now, he may have feelings of resentment towards you and is lashing out.

Take care of yourself :)

ShootingStar,

Welcome to the depression forum. I see you post on a/p also. That is a wonderful forum too. You will make friends in both places.

Do keep posting.

Hugs, Karen