O.K., I recognize I am Depressed

As many of you know my family situation is struggling. I recognize that I am very depressed. I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday to begin working on some of my issues that I have not resolved. I recognize that the problems in my marriage are a direct result of my past behaviors, anger, and in my feelings sins. I have sought forgivness from God and feel that He has forgiven me, still working on forgiving myself.

Well things have not imporved at home over the past 18 months. I have been waiting and trying to give my wife the time she ahs asked for to get through the significant pain I have caused her. I also recognize that the way we are living now is merely surviving and it is not enough for me to just survive. If I have hurt her to the point that she can not find it in her to forgive and strive to find happiness together, I also realize that is a consequence of my past behavior I am going to have to live with. I also know that I can not or more I am not willing to continue the way our life is right now.

We have an appointment with the Senior Minister of our church next week and I am going to let my wife know how I am feeling and let her know I believe it is time for some difficult decisions to be made. If this is all she is able to give and does not believe she can find it in her heart to love or express her love for me then it is time to move on and begin planning to live our lives seperately and how to do that in a way that will impact the kids as minimally as possible.

I guess the reason I am posting this is I really feel the need for your prayers for me and my family right now. Not so much that we will get back together, but that we will all recognize what is God's will for us and have the faith in Him to follow the path he lays out for us. Thank you all for all your care, love and support. I am a better person for knowing each of you and feel blessed I have such a caring place to come and open up my heart knowing it is a safe place to do so. God bless each of you.

CheerDad,

I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers. I know that this is a very tough situation you are going through right now. You have made the right decision to go to counseling at the church. This is a step in the right direction and it sounds like you both want to work things out.

I am currently in marriage counseling with my husband. The first thing that the therapist said after hearing our story was that this process is going to take a long time. There are many years of pain in our relationship and we cannot fix it all at once. After hearing that, I just wanted to give up. I mean I went to the counselor to have him fix it... why couldn't he fix it? Well I learned its not that easy. I thought about it and set my expectations realistically. And even if things didn't work out, at least we both tried for ourselves and our son.

Although its not going as fast as I wanted it to go and although we occasionally have set backs, I look at our lives 2 months ago and realize that we have made progress even though I don't see it everyday. We need to get all of the pain out in the open before we can heal and sometimes its very hard and discouraging but that is the only way. We don't forget but we learn to forgive. I believe that both of you can. But you must have patience.

Thank you for your kind words and we do care about you and want you to be happy.

Hugs,
dbab

Randy and Dbab...

I'm sure it's like riding a rollercoaster and there are going to be good days and bad days. All I can say is if the love is there and both partners are willing to each give 100% - Not 50-50, both 100 - 100, then the rest will fall into place.

Randy I don't know your full situation with your wife, but I can say is one thing is getting rid of the guilt and beating yourself up. Forgive yourself! I know it's easier said than done...I do hope you and your wife are able to work through the issues and get to a better place. All the best.

Dbab, I'm sorry that you've had it rough. It's been a while since you've been around, I am glad to see you back posting. Venting helps and so does the support from others.
Good to hear that you and your husband are working together. It isn't easy but the hard work will pay off.

What I can say is, try to remember the NOW. The past issues are past issues - Yes they may come into play in the present - But what is done is done. Don't hold grudges, don't hang on to anger...Stay in the NOW and know that is what counts...And all the love still left in the marriage.

Take care- Both of you.

Red09

Hi Randy. The Lord knows marriages can be tough at times. I know personally Randy what it is like to live in a house with division, it's tough. A few years back my hubby and I were in marriage counselling with our pastor and it changed our marriage 100% which at the time I truly believed there was no hope. He did some rotten things and seemed to constantly be filled with anger. Just recently my hubby slipped back to something from his past and we will be seeing the counsellor again.
Anyhow, my point is that things CAN get better.

Dear Lord. I lift Randy and his family up to you during this time. I pray Lord that you would bind this family together with your love and peace. I ask for reconcilliation and forgiveness Lord. Please step in and provide healing where it is needed. In your name Jesus, Amen.

Take care of yourself Randy.

Just want to let you all know that I am doing better this week. Things do not feel as desperate. I know I felt your prayers and thank you all for your support. Dr. changed my med from Paxil to Effexor. Will se how that goes. Therapy session yesterday was a good starting point. I will keep you all posted.

((((((((Randy)))))))))

I am SO glad to hear from you. Thanks for the update . . . I know you have a tough road ahead of you, but I hope you continue to see good progress as you go. Your post sounds promissing and you continue to be in my prayers.

Blessings!