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Posted 12/14/2011 12:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Everyone,

I recently discovered that I am depressed. I've always been a happy go lucky person so I have been in Denial. This is my story.

My second year of college I was walking to my dorm from the football stadium. A drunk man still in a parking spot but his foot to the floor. I was almost out of the way but he caught my left side. I received a shattered hip and a femur broken in 2 places. It took me two years to recover. By this time I was in grad school. The pain in my leg is always present and I think it always will be. Last December I stepped out of my apartment and slipped down the metal steps. In a nut shell I now have 3 herniated discs all pressing on nerves. I am in constant pain. Everyone around me has noticed my mood going in a downward spiral. I wasn't made aware until my roommate laid it all down in front of me. She made me realize that I hadn't smiled or laughed in months. I don't laugh very often even when I'm happy but I still did it occasionally. I love my life and the people in it but the pain and fatigue have gotten so bad I just want to end it. I would never do that, I think it's the most selfish act a person can do. But I cry all the time and always want to be alone because I just don't want to have to pretend to be happy just to make other comfortable. If you have any advice please help.

Sam
Posted 12/14/2011 1:12 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum Sam,

Being in constant pain is a real drag, I definitely know how much pain can hinder how you feel and how difficult it can be to get through a normal day.

For myself, I make myself be around others, but I also allow myself to be on my own as well. I do make myself be around people, because even though I may be putting on a brave face, I do always feel better for the distraction and company, it's kinda like pretend till it is real.

Pain is a very personal thing, only you feel it, and to others they can't see it.

I would very much bet that when you are around the good people in your life, inspite of the pain, you have a good time, it is for this very reason that I would encourage you to continue with socializing.

Posted 12/14/2011 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, Sam, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

I'm surprised you didn't mention irritability; pain so often causes that when it is prolonged. Why aren't your doctors medicating you for the pain until everything heals well enough for you to be able to function
without the distraction of serious pain?

Ask for appropriate medication, Sam, and chances are you will get some real relief for a change.  If what you are taking isn't adequate, and your doctors won't raise the level or shift to a more potent med, I'd seek another physician.  There's no reason for you to endure constant pain.

Take care of yourself and I hope you will act to get the relief available in new medications.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 12/14/2011 7:12:14 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/14/2011 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sam,

Welcome to the forum. I have fibromyalgia so I know about the chronic pain. I do agree with the others, get some pain medication from your doc.

I am well aware how chronic pain causes depression. Are you seeing anybody for your depression? A counselor, or a psychiatrist? I would highly recommend that. Plus some antidepressants do help with pain.

I hope that you get this sorted out soon so that you can get on with your lilfe.

Keep posting and know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/15/2011 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for the replies. I failed to mention in my original post that I'm currently on a number medications to control the pain. They worked for a while but now all they do is take the edge off if I'm not too active. I have an appointment with my doctor Friday and will ask him if he can increase the dosage or perhaps try something else. I've been on some form of pain medication since I was hit by the truck. I have yet to go over 4 norco 10/325mg, 3 soma 350mg, and 3 neurotin 300mg a day. My doctor has told me that he's had people with lesser injuries than mine on way more narcotics. I don't know why but I have issues with taking so many medications but its come to the point where the pain so bad I no longer care.

I do see a psychiatrist for CH but there is a problem. This is going to sound pretentious but talking with him does me know good. I know all of his tactics because I was taught them myself. Psychology has been a big part of my life as my father was a graduate level professor of psychology before he suffered a stroke. My next appointment I will inform him of my depression and go from there because I more than likely need anti-depressants. I know he will try to analyze me which is not what I need. I know why I'm depressed, I need help to fix it. Talking with him about it won't work because he will only say what he believes I need to hear, but can't truly relate in any way. Talking with someone who suffers with it as well, I believe, is the best thing for me.

I have tried making myself stay around friends, but all I can think about is going back to my room and laying down. Mostly form the pain but partly from just wanting to be alone.

I do have irritability, but I keep it to myself as much as I can. I get upset quite easily at things I normally let go without a second thought. I try very hard to mask it so I don't push my friends away. Irritability has been around since the pain started so I've had a lot of practice masking it. I vent when I can to my roommate who is my best friend. She helps but it's no cure.

Thanks again for your replies. They are very much appreciated.
Posted 12/15/2011 3:27 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry that you are in pain. I hope the dr makes some adjustments that will help you. I notice that you have hearing loss and tinnitus. I do too. Sometimes this adds to my depression. I don't like to keep asking people to repeat what they are saying and these constant noises in my ears are enough to really push me over the edge at times. Welcome to the forum. It's great here.
Posted 12/15/2011 4:02 AM (GMT 0)
The psychiatrist has to ask you questions so that he can get a grip on your situation and what is going on in your mind. They have to get information out of us so that they can know how to treat us. So be patient with that. When he is finished, tell him all the things that you want him to hear. I carried a list of all my issues with me to my psych visit for the first time with this doc I see now. Within 20 minutes, he went over everything on my list and hadn't even seen it. So some of them have a very good insight to what is going on. And ever since I have been seeing this particular doctor, I have been doing better.

I have fibromyalgia pain so I know about the norco. I take six a day. And yes, it takes the edge off. I use to take soma, but my new doc took me off of it. I don't like the other muscle relaxers so I go without. And yes, I would like stronger meds, but I am scared to ask. I don't want to look like I am seeking drugs.

But you could go to six on the norcos. It is still safe with the tylenol in them. I wish that they had a time release norco. I understand in other countries that they have time release vicodin, but I don't think we have it hear yet.

I sure do hope that you feel better soon with the emotional part and the pain part. Chronic pain and depression go hand in hand. It can become a viscious cycle. So get on top of the depression as soon as you can. Be optimistic thta the doc will be albe to help you. Remember, let them do their thing, then do yours. That way every issue will be covered.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/15/2011 4:44 AM (GMT 0)
Therapists may have gone through some of it themselves. Many people are drawn to psychology in hopes of helping their own selves as well. So their empathy may not be false. Also, counseling is more about getting the client to come to their own conclusions and plans, not just trying whatever the doc says. There are many different methods of treatment available, so if you feel that your current therapist is too predictable and not helping you, then look for another one.

I agree that forcing ourselves to be around people can help mask the pain for a little while, and just forcing yourself to smile and laugh can help improve your mood momentarily. My days are up and down. Although I usually feel sick and am in pain at work, I am always smiling and helping out my coworkers as best I can. Much of my pain and misery is forgotten. When I come home, it all resurfaces and I break down crying because I have nothing else in my life, no friends, no close relationships. Just a dead-end job with a few good acquaintances there. But being at work and forcing the happy face on provides me with some normalcy in my life, if only briefly, and that is critical to healing.

I hope you are able to work out a treatment that will both heal your physical pain through effective medication and build up your esteem and sociability to reconnect with friends the way you used to. After what you've been through, it is wonderful to hear that you are in graduate school and still pursuing your goals. Many people would have shut down and given up, but you haven't. Keep looking for the right path back to recovery.
Posted 12/15/2011 5:58 AM (GMT 0)
BuccPride...Welcome to the hw forum, so sorry for your reason. I think it would be wise for you to be put on an anti depressant. I like you was always very happy go lucky but, oh how pain can change all that. I think with the right anti depressant this will help with the depression. Pain and depression go hand and hand. Pain also causes people to isolate themselves...I have had to force myself to go places otherwise I would just always be alone. So as hard as it is try to get out once in awhile. I wish you the best and hope you get relief soon.

Bless you, Amy
Posted 12/15/2011 7:45 AM (GMT 0)
Once again thank you all for replying. This is the first forum I've had any luck with.

Stillme. I've had tinnitus since I was three. I got some bacteria in my ears from the city water. It ate away a lot of my inner ear. I've had many reconstructive surgeries to fix it. They have even gone as far as implanting prosthetic auditory ossicles. Since my last surgery my hearing has suffered a slow decline. Tinnitus is awful. I can't even go to sleep without a loud fan blowing to drown out the noises. Having to ask people to repeat themselves does get embarrassing and frustrating. It's especially bad when you have to ask 3 or more times.

Karen. I do understand your point and you are right. The list is a good idea as well. I'm sorry to hear you have fibro. That is incredibly tough to go through. My aunt suffers from it and I know it's no picnic. As far as I know there isn't even an extended release version of anything containing hydrocodone. I wish there were. Soma is the only muscle relaxer that has worked for me. The rest just made me drowse without doing anything for the spasms. I am afraid of asking my doctor for more but on the other hand he has offered more than once.

Alaskah. It's never been hard for me to be around people and make friends quickly like I used to. Feeling dread when I know I'm going to have to be around other people is completely new to me. As far as grad school goes I graduated this semester and was supposed to continue on to a doctrine next semester. I'm having to take off until the next fall semester which may also be attributing to my depression. I haven't been able to work, but yesterday I was offered a job teaching online classes for a local community college. I'm hoping this will provide some avenue to keep my mind busy. I hope you find some relief in your condition as well. Hurting and being sad at the same time is awful.

Amy. Thank you for welcoming me. I'm hoping an anti depressant will help. I know that it well take a few weeks for me to really notice it, but if it will help I'll try anything. Until classes stopped that was really the only time I left the house. I also used to play at local clubs from to time, but the sciatica pain from sitting put a stopped to that. It's been harder and harder to leave. Perhaps an increase in my medications and starting an anti-depressant will make it easier.

Thanks to all again for replying. It means a lot.

Sam
Posted 12/15/2011 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
Sam,

Thank you for your reply, I hope that you get your pain and depression under control soon. I know how hard it is. Keep posting and know that everybody here cares about you. This is a fabulous group of members.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/16/2011 6:49 AM (GMT 0)
with much healing compassion, jamie
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