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Posted 1/15/2012 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
Husband and i had a huge blowout...only reason I am still here is we cannot seel house....but I CANNOT get better in the face os his continual degrading, snide, belittling remarks, his anger because I am sick and REFUSE to get better. Does he think that as a littlwe girl, this is what I dreamed of????

He is in manic mode, so scurrying around cleaning house all the while puttingme down for what a lousy housekeeper and mother I am. I am the reason KK hates her Dad....sorry Dad, you did that on your own...never a compliment, attagirl, nothing.

His dinners are always "off the hook", mine are adequate...he tells me how to do everything the proper way, from toilet paper placement to how to sweat onions(I fed 2500 people a day)

I cannot get better here and cannot afford to move-section 8 is full, only option is projects (absolutely not).

Tenderness is nonexistent, hugs are rare...we are roommates at war, with my child stuck in the middle.

I am heartbroken, I wish I left years ago, I am lost and scared and trapped-what do I do?

Maggie

Posted 1/15/2012 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Do you have any friends or family that may be willing to take you and your child in?

I would spend as much time away from him as possible. If he is cleaning in the living room, go lie down in the bedroom. If you can't avoid him, try to let his hurtful words go in one ear and out the other. Considering he is healthy, it should expected that his cleaning and cooking would be more motivated than yours - don't let that bother you.

Another option - and I'm not sure if he'd be willing or not - but try to see a counselor. Even if neither of you want to save your marriage, learning to understand each other (especially him coming to understand and accept your illness) would be good for the sake of your child, as well as being able to live under the same roof until you are both able to go your own separate ways.
Posted 1/15/2012 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Maggie,
I am sooo sorry you're going through this :( You deserve a life that is calm and stable and more conducive to your needs with your health.
I wish I had some advice to offer, other than what Alaskah suggested, seeing if you could possibly stay with friends or family.
I wish I weren't at such a loss, just know that we DO 'get it' here and understand that this is not something you chose nor is it something you can just push yourself through.
We're here for you.
Sorry I couldn't offer more.
Posted 1/15/2012 5:50 PM (GMT 0)
I just cried and cried when I read my friends responses-they mean so much

Alaskah-i already have my own room and i avoid being in the same room, but ther is a srorm cloud hanging over this house, so ***ll of resentment, unspoken hurtful words, so much bitterness. So yes, i try to let it roll off my back but after 20 years, it has taken its toll.

IG- he rarely drinks, but is unmedicated "I'm fine-what's your problem?") and manic, nothing i could do would be good enough and i know it is the disease but I don't give a **** anymore-i have a child to think of here...this crap has gort to stop...I WIll find a way out and like I said God has better things in store for Katie and I because we are open to Him, Pat has closed his heart.

dear daisy-I know there are no easy answers and it will be a very looong tough road but there will be a happy home on the other end...I just needeed to know y'all are there and someon is in my corner...feel very overwhelmed and scared right now.....58 and starting over AGAIN....i guess if i survived Katrina, I will survive this

thank you my friends for your quick replies...will be leaning hard on you for awhile, hope you can handle it-lol

Love to you all

maggie
Posted 1/15/2012 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Maggie

I am so sorry you are going thru this as you deserve so much better. You are such a kind hearted and loving person. You and Katie need to be in a better environment that's for sure. Just think of how much stress would be lifted off your shoulders and how much better your health would be. You must do this for yourself and for Katie. It is not good for her to live like this either. It will affect her in the long run. Do you have family, friends, anyone you can go to stay with? are there shelters in your area? make all the calls you can to get yourself out of that house. will he leave the house? gosh i wish i had the answers for you or that i could help you.

Know that you can come here anytime, we are here for you and we care about you.

Take care please,

Suzane

Posted 1/15/2012 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
He say he has nowhere to go???!!! Where does he think a disabled woman and minor child are going to go? Just another example of life OWING him something...just got sunday papers and cranking up tunes like adele(love her0 Jone Mitchell, Bach, Eagles, Lee ann womack anybody who will lift me up-he is gone to do side job "$&%" he says "better than your .75 cents!" (from online survey. How uncalled for was that ?

anyway, i'm on a roll and i know Katie will be thrilled if we can get out of here too

Love you guys

maggie
Posted 1/15/2012 6:27 PM (GMT 0)
Stick to your guns Maggie. You will find a way out i know it. You and Katie will be so happy when it's just the two of you. He is saying awful stuff to you. Tell him you and Katie are leaving or he can leave and that you can no longer live in the same house as it is killing you.

hugs hun
sending you an email

suzane
Posted 1/15/2012 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Mags,

Know that we are all here for you. I am here for you...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/15/2012 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
We're here to support you all the way Maggie. Lean on us as heavily as you need to. You're always so supportive of others and like you told me, sometimes we need some support ourselves.
Stay strong! By the way, love your music choices!! :)
Hang in there, we're here for you.
Posted 1/15/2012 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
You all are amkingmymascara run-lol!! thanks-KK just woke up and she is "stoked'=heard the arguing earlier...hewill never believe we will leave...
Posted 1/15/2012 6:54 PM (GMT 0)
here for you maggie

hang in there

suzane
Posted 1/15/2012 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
got yr email thanks-not sure how to get to that facebook page---duuuuuhhhhhh!!
Posted 1/15/2012 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
OMG Magpie...I didn't realize what you faced every day. I must re-read this thread to understand a little better.

You mentioned you had a sister. Could you and Katie go with her, even for just a little while?

We are here for you...we are.
Posted 1/15/2012 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
I retained a lawyer about a year ago and then we made up. Lawyer did not have to do anything-wonder if retainer still holds- $800 will call tomorrow. House was built using 75% of my inheritance from dad and in Mississippi, that means house is 75% mine. Might throw him out-he quialifies for elder housing and rent it out? woudl be more income for us...
Maggie
Posted 1/15/2012 7:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Joyce...we put on our happy faces, dont' we?

My sis lives in NYc and we are in Misissippi, bro in SC.. My stepdaughter lives close by and grew up with her Dad and is more on my side than his.perhaps as a very short term stay...she is remarried and very busy w/ new business and it would be hard to take sides...

Joyce, i am made of puffballs and steel, so I will make it and I will be happy...i just wished I had done this sooner, especially for my KK

thanks for the support
magpie
Posted 1/15/2012 7:26 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, yes...you can and you will. I just know it.

Do keep us posted, and spout off whenever/whatever.
Posted 1/15/2012 7:39 PM (GMT 0)
Maggie

I am here for you. You and your daughter need to leave when he is at work. Go to a relatives house.

What state do you live in? Im in Pennsylvania and Im familiar with Pa agencies.

Please keep me updated .

Soft Hugs
Betsey
Posted 1/15/2012 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Betsey

I live in Mississippi, and poverty level is so high, I have very limited resources and the fat cats in DC have cut all thos eprograms....that's ok, I've lived in a home less shelter (before daughter0 and I will not only survive but thrive

Keep the ideas ccoming ladies and gents...thank God for you

maggie
Posted 1/15/2012 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
here for you maggie. with much loving and healing compassion to you. jamie
Posted 1/15/2012 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
thaanks Boo..you always have been
Posted 1/16/2012 2:36 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Dear Maggie,

I am so sorry that you and your daughter are going through such rough times. I know that you are strong and can pull through this as well. Get away from this toxic enviroment, if not for you, for your daughter !!!
I know you can do it. In my prayers.

Blessings, Michelle
Posted 1/16/2012 5:46 AM (GMT 0)
Oh dear Maggie....I am sorry did not see your post earlier...I have been sleeping most of today(have strep)...but I am so sorry for what you are going thru....I have been there and it is not a fun place to be. The advice I was going to give was talking to a lawyer but I see you already thought of that. I got a lawyer and that sure shut my ex up....I don't know if they think we are stupid but guess what WE ARE WOMAN HEAR US ROAR.... so he better watch out. When push comes to shove we protect our cubs and do whatever we have to to protect them....I know you will be fine I am just sorry you are having to deal with all the s**t that goes with it. We are here for you and we do understand.....

Stay Strong Maggie.......my prayers are with you and your daughter.

Bless you, Amy
Posted 1/16/2012 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Maggie,
I wanted to check on you and see how you're doing today?
Posted 1/17/2012 6:45 AM (GMT 0)
me too maggie. hoping things are better. with much loving and healing compassion, jamie
Posted 1/17/2012 3:22 PM (GMT 0)
We are being very cordial and very limited in interaction-like 2 strangers..

I crunched the numbers and short of borrowing thousands from family, it is not doable to leave. We recently had real estate lady appraise house for value....150,000 for a 300,000 house...just won't sell my nestegg for that so we live in a strained truce

If I don't converse with him, he can't hurt me so

I have also been accepted as a mystery shopper by a legit company so hopefully can make a few $ of my own-keep your fingers crossed

I wish we could leave but at this time, I am stuck and will make the best of it...KK and I will stay away from house as much as possible and he is busy doing candles for sale so we interact very little.

I feel so much guilt That my daughter has to live in an unloving house, but she know I love her and hopefully that will be enough

Thanks for all the support-it means alot
Love
maggie
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