To Humidifix:
You have an overwhelming story ... although there are many familiarities to me. I must agree that the children
are so important, and also that they can perceive bad things while living thru a bad marriage of Mom and Dad.
So ... the old saying of "staying together for the kids" is not such a good idea. Neither is a 500-mile separation.
I was married for 6-months short of 23-years, and I remember so well about her wanting to sell out home.
At the time, we lived in Florida ... in the 1980's ... and our home was a custom-designed comfortable home in a
slightly up-scaled neighborhood. But, my wife wanted us to sell the house ... and move into a slightly smaller house
in a slightly less up-scale neighborhood so we could have an in-ground pool. After all, it was Florida.
It was also a time of rising interest rates and reduced jobs in the area - and it got worse. In a few years, we did
sell our home and moved back to our original area in the midwest ... essentially to be around some family and to
get a divorce.
Our arguments were really more like long periods of silence, both of us having some unfounded suspisions of each
other cheating, and ..... of course ..... about money! I know how difficult it is to face the need for a divorce after over
22-years of marriage. But .... don't take on all of the blame. We all make mistakes, for men I think it most often is
taking for granted the woman they married - and outwardly not showing them enough the love we still have for them.
But ...... again, don't take on all the blame. A good psychologist is a great place to start a new life or in repairing the
old life. AND .... don't think she chose her kids over you. Something else happened. The kids had nothing to do with it!
In the State where I live, the "no fault divorce" is common, as is splitting everything 50/50 ... but, of course with child
support. By the time we moved back here (she went on a Home Shopping Channel major buying spree before coming
back), there wasn't much left in finances. She took 75% and the kids (understandable to me) and I took 25% and my
dog. All other bills had been paid down to zero.
I don't understand at all ... why your wife would want to stay married but 500-miles apart. You mention "her kids" so
I guess all of the kids are from her first marriage. As much as you still may love her, everything points TOXIC to me
about a continuing marriage. A couples counselor doesn't work unless both want to do it (I have some experience with
that too) ... So, try a psychologist ... and a support group (either church-affiliated or otherwise) ... try to maintain your
self respect and dignity ... as much as it may hurt - try to close the door on this chapter of your life. There can be better
things in life. There should be better hings in life.
And don't forget ... you have open ears here. TAKE CARE!