Would love your thoughts....

I haven't posted here in quite some time on this forum (somewhat active on the CD forum here at HW) anyways, here it goes....I'll try and keep it short.

Started doing better with depression (thanks to regular exercise and no depression meds), but for a while I haven't been able to workout as much as usual (and it definitely has had a bad impact on me emotionally along with some other stuff) reason I haven't been working out as much is cuz I've been busy (now at the tail end of wrapping up my mothers estate--she passed away 2 yrs ago this march), besides losing her and having to take over the estate (which entailed a lot of ignorant, selfish family members I had to deal with) I lost my dad in 2005 and I was a major "daddy's girl" loved him so much (mom was less loving and more of a negative tirant but as she aged she became a little softer therefore easier to pity rather than hate her for how miserable she made life growing up and in some of my adulthood)....sorry, it's getting longer than I wanted it to.

Needless to say, I've gone through a lot (have crohn's too, 21 yrs this year) to boot with some above mentioned "life stresses"....so I've been drawing back to some "wicked thoughts"/feeling depression and hopelessness draging me back "down" (trying to keep it family friendly, but assuming you get my "drift"---started "planning things" in my mind again because I'm "tired" (which I think you know what I mean by "tired").

So I'm at Shoppers Drugmart today, tending to some estate stuff at the post office there...and I notice that they have this skin care that my son (light of my life) uses on sale, so I grab him some....talking with the cosmetician at the till about this skin care and she starts rifling through her little box for some samples to pass along to my son (very generously at that) so I make my purchase and as we're waiting for my debit transaction to go through she grabs the ladies little box of samples saying to me "I should give you some too".  I get home and start seperating the samples (mine from my son's) and she gave me 2 samples of the exact skin care product, only ONE had this little piece of paper [think of a fortune cookied style of paper but no lucky numbers at the bottom or on the other side of it] stapled to it and this is what it said (word for word)...

"Your life matters more than you know"

Under the circumstances (of my mental/emotional state) needless to say it freaked me out.  I am not religious in any way, a little supersticious maybe but not in a fanatical way by any means (I don't do well with finatical types of any kind---believing strongly in something is fine, trying to force it upon others (fanatical IMO) is not my cup of tea.

Now I'm pretty intuitive in general and this "note" seems pretty self explanatory/obvious but I'd really love some input from anyone that cares to take a stab at it...I guess it kinda pisses me off because it doesn't play into my future "plans" and it bugs me cuz thinking about my plan at this point is what gets me through each day (I would think that makes sense to many of you that are depressed the same way I am).

So what do you think and what would you think if it were you?

Thanks for reading.

Hi pb4,

Your story totally engaged me as I read it. First of all , I have also lost both of my parents as well. Mom in Sept. 2009 and Dad just recently in Oct. 2011. I know first hand what you are going through with dealing with the final affairs of lost loved ones. It is very stressful ! I have had days that I have just wanted to give up, but what keeps me going is the love that I have for my daughter and husband. I am lost without my parents, but where would my daughter and husband be without me in their lives. Your slip of paper says it all " Your life matters more than you know". I believe that things happen for a reason. I'm not sure somtimes what the reasons are, but you deserve to be happy and your son deserves to have his mom. Try to think of things this way and you will get through it !!!
I am also seeing a counselor and am on meds. that have been helpful in getting me through this rough time in my life. I hope that you really give it some thought before you give up. Prayers for you !!! you are NOT alone...

Blessings, Michelle

Thanks to all of you for your replies.

It's genetic, I know the girl at the counter didn't staple that weird little note onto the cardboard sample, she couldn't have done it without me seeing her do it, I just don't know if all of those particular samples had one attached, but I have the feeling no because she gave me 2 of the exact sample and only one had it stapled on, the other didn't even have a staple mark on it. Inititally I thought maybe the company stapled them on to all their sample packages, and what freaked me out (besides what the note said) was there are absolutely no staple holes on the other sample (identical to eachother) she gave me.

But I think you guys are taking it the same way as I suspected myself, and that is, for whatever reason, I have to try and take a step back and re-evaluate how crappy (depressed/sad/angy) I've been feeling lately. Maybe it's a note to say, start exercising again because that's what helped pull me out of my last depression.

OveritJen, I love the dog farting comment...it's so true as you described above.


I love comming to this forum, you'd think for people that are "down in the dumps" that there'd be no reasoning, no sense of humor (based on how I feel about myself when I'm depressed, sad, angry) and yet it feels like the depressed people are the ones that truly get how goshdarn (not what I'm really thinking in my head, starts with an "F") hard life often is and are somehow able to be the biggest and best shoulders to lean on.

Michelle (I "justwant2bemeagain" too) I'm so sorry for your recent losses (((HUGS)))....I find it so strange for me, I mean my parents had me when they were 40 yrs old (I am 44 now but turning 45 this yr) and I knew I wouldn't likely have them in my lives by the time I was in my 40's or older....I felt stupid when they were both gone and I thought to myself how I feel like an orphan....imagine feeling orphaned in your 40's and how selfish that sounds when you consider young children that are actually orphaned have it a thousand times worse....sometimes I think I might be too selfish and that's where much of my anger, sadness and depression stems from.

I realize that I'm not alone and I feel for everyone at the depression forum, but lately all I can think to myself is what is the whole darn point of life to begin with when you're full of fear and insecurities and those feelings get worse as I get older, when we all know what our future holds for us...life just seems so pointless and I'm frustrated with what the whole point is to begin with (sounds juvenile and immature I know, but afterall, I do think of myself as an orphan).


Thanks guys

pb4
I believe in God but also beleive the universe is a completely random place.

I think that note was inthe right place at the right time for the right person...I think it very cool. I don't think the saleslady had anything to do with it...I'd say more but don't want to break forum rules
Sorry about yr parents
We are always here to listen so stop by and visit
I'm in a bad place myself right now so thanks for the post

take care
Maggie

Good Morning pb4,

I don't know if you like to read, but there is a very good book that I would like to tell you about. It is called " Midlife Orphan". I just turned 45 and I may sound selfish but we are both to young to have to deal with the loss of our parents. This book was very helpful for me, and I think you should check it out ! I hope that today is better than your yesturday !!!

Blessings, Michelle

You are so very welcome!