Isolation, no one to turn to?

Hi Tara,

Maybe a different threapist would help. A different technique. I would let your therapist know thatyou feel you are at a standstill and not getting anywhere. Maybe there is something different you can try. Don't give up. Don't worry about the people who don't understand. Just work on you. Find some books on cbt or depresssion. Try reading them. You have to keep trying in order to find what works for you. Maybe herbals would work. 5htp or dephlin. Just don't give up.

Hugs, Karen

If you will allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment in regards to your family.

As uncaring as they may seem right now that may be the farthest from the truth. They may be feeling as helpless as you do right now, if not more so.

Anyway I fully agree with Karen in that it would seem time to seek out a new therapist and/or a new type of therapy. There are dozen of different base therapies out there with dozens if not hundreds of variations.

Also while I understand your feelings in regards to the hospital I do urge you to rethink your stance on this issue and try to become open to it. A stay in the right facility might be a good thing as you can get intensive treatment in a short amount of time that can get you out of the rut you are in. Just like treating an infection you can do it two ways. One is to get some antibiotics from the pharmacy and spend days taking pills or you could go into the hospital and get large concentrated doses through an IV and be back on your feet in days instead of weeks of at home treatment.

Tara,

The threapy could help this time around. Especially the psychotherapy. I really think you should give it a try. Do you have a psychiatrist? Talk to them about medication. Especially if you don't want to go to the hospital.

I have to be blunt for a moment. You can't expect others to look up depression, talk to a doctor or even ask you how you feel, unless you educate them. You have to let them know that is what you want from them. Then if they don't do it, that is their choice. But if you want somebody educated about your condition, you have to do it. Tell them how you feel. They aren't going to do it just because you wish they would. You have to explain it to them. And people who aren't depressed themselves really don't understand what we are going through. Unless they are medically trained to know. I think you are expecting a lot out of your friends that probably isn't going to happen unless you initiate it.

Just because your therapy didn't work before doesn't mean it wont this time around. Maybe you will try harder, or see things differently. Maybe you will have a different therapist that can help you better. You have to keep trying. Some of us try many different medications before we find the right one. It is a process and it isn't easy. It takes time too. So get started and seek out help. You have to be the one to do it. You can't expect anybody to do it for you. I wish you the best.

Keep posting. Never give up and take life one day at a time...

Hugs, Karen

Tara,

I don't think of it as you failing as much as you haven't found the right method yet. I think we all would wish it would just go away. I have been on meds for 30 years. I tried many kinds before I found what was right for me, and yes at first it was a little discouraging. I had to try a few before I started to feel good. I even stopped it thinking I was cured, only to find out I needed it.

Yes dwelling is easy. When I got fibromyalgia, I was so sick. I spent two years in bed. But then I learned to take life one day at a time. Like each day is a new beginning. Stopped worrying about the future (because I never knew, and still dont, what the next day entails. Am I going to feel well) and stopped dwelling on the past. I felt like I had lost everything. I was in so much pain and so exhausted. But then I got determined to find meds to help me. I got pain meds to fight the pain. And adderall to give me energy. Plus antidepressants, mood stabilizers and anxiety meds. So I take a lot of medications. Which I wish I didn't, but I have to.

Talking here is a start for you. You are opening up about what is not right with you. So you are trying. You ask for advice, that is hard to do. I fought a hard battle for years. But once I found the proper medications, I began to feel better. The one that really helps me is the mood stabilizer. It makes the antidepressant work better and it also works well on it's own. It keeps me from thinking too much, which I have alwasy had a problem with that.

I don't know how I go day to day other than to take one day at a time. That is the best that we can do. And you can do that too. Have you ever tried meditation? It really helps. It gives you a different look on life. It helps you focus on the now. Give it a try.

Here is a site that might help you and it is free. It is called moodgym. http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

See if that helps you any.

Keep posting, keep trying. Most of all get a good psychiatrist. They are so good at figuring out what we need. And a good counselor helps me. She is my psychiatrist's nurse. And she also does massage therapy. Which really helps. I hope that you feel better soon. Let us know what is going on and how you are doing. Like I said, keep posting. I hope that mood gym helps you a little.

Hugs, Karen

Thank you both for the replies,

It's Genetic... I am aware that my diet and exercise regime is not very good at all at the moment. Due to the depression I have been sleeping in till 3pm and therefore don't eat breakfast or lunch - only dinner. Exercise is non existent. As for the caffeine... that isn't good either! I must drink about 6 cups of tea a day. I suppose all of this is something I will have to work hard on! Thank you for the advice.

Getting By... I have tried a couple of different antidepressants and both made me very ill. I have been thinking about trying a mood stabilizer as with antidepressants, all they do is make my moods intensify and my thoughts harder to control. I am seeing my psychiatrist in a few days and I think I'm going to just tell her all of what I have told you all today and see what she comes up with. I know that I need to try hard to fight this each day... but if all of you can do it then hopefully I can too.

-Tara.

getting by,

I meant that the antidepressants I was on made me all over the place, and that is why I think maybe a mood stabilizer would help me instead.

I do really want to get better - it's just a case of how I go about that! I'll just have to keep pushing on and seeing what helps and what doesn't. Thanks for all the advice!

-Tara.

Thank you for your advice Charles. It really helps to know there are others who feel the same way as I do and that I shouldn't give up. I don't think my family will ever really understand, but to be honest if I wasn't going through it I don't think I would understand depression - or any other mental illness either. Hopefully me and all of the people here on this Forum can one day be free of it.

-Tara.

Tara,

It is very difficult to see the light when you are trapped in the darkness of depression. I was majorly depressed for about a year I think before I even did anything about it. There were days when I thought nothing would get better. I would try to read a magazine and start crying for no reason.

Sometimes when I feel bad, I like to think about how others (just like those on this site) have been in the exact same place and gotten out of it alive.

It takes a lot of courage and strength to pull yourself up out of depression. I feel for you when you say you don't want to go to the hospital because I went there and it was hell but it also saved me. If I wouldn't have checked myself in, I don't know what would have happened. I felt dehumanized at that hospital. I have such horrible memories from it that I don't even like bringing up now but I know that it was for the best that I went there.

I think that medications work wonders. I am on 75mg of zoloft and 25 mg of lamictal daily. I was on the zoloft for about 2 years for anxiety and then all of a sudden I plunged into the depression. I was put on the lamictal at the hospital and boy did it help.

Long story less long, remember that others have gone through what you are going through and it is so difficult in the moment but try to stay positive. Try to focus on getting better. Honestly, I don't know if I would have gotten better without medication but I am sure some people have.

You can do it! I have faith in you and so does everyone else here!

My psychiatrist once told me never to say, "I'm depressed" always think of it as, "I'm 'tara' and I have depression". Don't label yourself as depressed. You are a strong person and you won't let depression take over your life.

Take care,

lovers

As depressed as I am now I would not want to be hospitalized. The shame alone would be too much for me to live with. From what I know they just dope you up and make you sit in a group of strangers where you are encouraged to share your life before they would consider giving your freedom back.

I'd rather stay where I am at home alone. I'm sure I'm wrong, lately I can't do or say the right things. I'm becoming used to feeling numb. It's probably best.

Karen,

I understand what you are saying, but I was raised to be tough, if just in appearances. It's not that I look down on those who either volunteer or are forced to stay in the hospitals...I just can't bare the shame. It's rediculuos to feel this way when I know for a fact that depression is a disease. Then again, my life was fine before my work "accident". If I were forced to stay in a hospital my depression would triple in a very short time frame. I don't want to be stoned or on some perpetual high. I'm much more comfortable feeling numb, which is how I feel now. I couldn't cry if I wanted to...just void of emotions. I've lived a long life already, to me everything from here on is just gravy. I'm just waiting out my time until the great warden in the sky says I'm free from my earthly bonds! That's it really...I'm sorting out things as I write them, please forgive me. I think that sums up how I see things now. I'm a prisoner doing my time on earth before I can be released...

Charles