Living in hell with family

I have been feeling depressed since 10 years ago, living with my family always make me feel like dying. The main reason is because my ****** dad is a realmother****er, he cheated in my mom 10 years ago, and the ***** gave birth to a son. My mom was ago angry and depressed as well and she constantly like to scold me or blame me whenever she is having no mood. I was young then, I didn't know what to do I just kept my mouth shut all the time. I felt hurt and rejected since I was teenager because my parents always fighting all the time and I felt no love at home. Anyways, things got worst. My ****** dad became jobless and my mom is the one providing for our family, and she is the one alway paying bills and foods for all of us. My ****** dad became worsen than before these past few years, he started to take drugs, stealing and got caught. Went to prison and blamed my mother for not helping him out. I told my mother to divorce him but she never could do that because her heart is so weak, and this is the most suffering moment living with a parasite worm like him.

He got out and then everything seems like fine on the outside, he always act cool in front of all of us, and doesn't tell us crap. Only my mother complaint crap about him all the time, to me especially. I feel so much pressure and she always asked me to scold him for her. I did it once and he yelled at me like ****ING HELL. I never wanted to say anything to him at all, I always pretend he is dead man to me. But this pretending never stopped, recently he was found cheating with another women again. In fact my mom told me that he cheated many times, he is also providing for his ****** son by the way.

I feel so angry and hurted to see my dad treating mom this whole ****ing 10 years, and I can't pretend I am fine anymore. I just wish he is dying soon, I don't know how could my mom always forgive him after all those things he did to her. He always washed her mind being sweet to her after he messed up, right now I couldn't do it anymore. I hated him to death, I never feel peace living in this hell anymore.

I hate all of them now, I just feel like dying.

So Sorry you have such strong emotions.  I was abused by my entire family. Counsuling helps.

If you do not have funds. Try clinics, help centers at school if you are attending.  If working check your health plan.

Check the local hospitals for workshops and support groups.

Be proactive for yourself, no one else will take care of you but YOU. and keep posting.