Suggestions....

Things are not going good for me.

I am a wreck emotionally and I feel like I am about to lose it. I don't feel grounded at all and I am beginning to feel like nothing will get better for me.

I just had finals in college. Done with my second year of college. I don't think I did very well. I have never gotten under a 3.0 in all of my life, not in high school or yet in college. However, there is a good chance I did not get a 3.0 this past semester. I have just not been myself. I had surgery done on my foot and then as it was healing it got infected. I was going to classes on vicodin or percocet... pretty much in a daze.

I am majoring in psychology and I have been hearing so many horror stories about people who can't get jobs. I don't know what I even want to do with my major. I am beginning to feel like it isn't a good pick. I am just really afraid of never having a career and being on my own. I just want to get away from my sister.

I was adopted when I was 6 by a not very stable family. My adoptive father has severe brain damage, my mother has severe diabetes and her cancer just came back. When I was 13 I moved in with my sister.

My sister is controlling and not nurturing. I do not like her at all. I appreciate all she has done for me but other than that I literally cannot get my mind past how she treated me while I was in high school living with her. She emotionally and verbally abused me.

I feel as if my childhood was a dream and none of it happened. Sometimes I just wish I didn't exist because it is so hard living like this. I do not understand why such awful things have happened to me. I know there are people out there that have had worse experiences but I can't even explain how I feel. I feel like I am just floating around. I don't feel connected to my adoptive family except for my adoptive mother. I love her so much but even sometimes I look at her and I don't know who she is. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how I feel.

I think that when I went to the hospital for major depressive disorder and they told me that I haven't identified with my adoptive family it kind of stuck with me. Whether it is true or not it just sticks in my mind and I find ways to believe it.

Sorry for rambling. I just really need suggestions on how to not listen to negative comments my sister says, how to cope with my moms cancer coming back, how to become more independent, how to stay grounded and not think about my past and maybe suggestions on how to get a job after college with only a bachelors degree in psychology.. I am really struggling with all these thoughts......

Thanks and I hope you are all doing well.

Post Edited (lovers spit) : 5/12/2012 8:52:13 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Karen, yes I know there is a need for psychologists and psychiatrist, I just don't think I could be one. I do enjoy working with children so I could do something with that. I guess I am just worried about not getting a job with just a bachelors degree in psychology. And I am worried that I won't want to go on to get my masters even though I will most likely need to.

My life is starting to make sense. I just wish it would go faster. I am trying so hard to change and be a better person but I keep doing things that are leading me in the wrong direction and then I get down on myself. I also find myself feeling down a lot lately for things I cannot change. I cannot change the fact that I don't really have a father figure and this makes me so sad. I find myself imagining my biological father and how he would have been towards me and our relationship. It hurts so much that I may never know what he was like but it is also scary to think about finding out. Part of me doesn't know if I want to know but part of me knows that I do.

You are right though, I have to look towards my goals and pursuing them. I really just want to be independent and live alone. That is my main goal right now. And I want a car. It is so frustrating having to depend on someone else to drive you to work!

lovers

Not all psychiatrists have a vast amount of personal experience. Many of them, as effective as they are have learnt by the book, and what you have in your tough bringing places you in a class above the rest. Your life, yes it has been very hard, but will have given you qualities such as empathy, strength, and the ability to forgive which other people search their whole lives to find but never access. You have had a very tough upbringing to deal with, and now its time you changed that and build the future you deserve. You may meet someone you fall in love with, or find some new best mates who feel like family, and you can build the family you always wanted and be the father you always dreamed of having. Life seems bleak now but you can get through this tough patch with the knowledge that you never know whats coming round the corner!! :)