Tired...

Tired of the pain. Haven't been here but maybe once in the past year, sorry to be a fair-weather (or should I say rainy weather) poster. But it has gotten really bad. I feel as though I have lost touch with reality. I feel like I am a spectator watching life around me. I find no joy in this anymore. I have no reason to feel this way, I have a great family and friends. I hate longing for death when all I really want is life. Life is the greatest and the worst all at the same time, and that just really sucks. I need to contact someone tomorrow, I feel as though I am going nuts...I can't live with all of my mistakes, I can't forgive myself because I know today I will do the same things that I hate. I say mean things to the very people that I would die for, my family. It makes me want to vomit, among other things...I wish I could do this life over. I can't see any purpose in living any longer if I have to continue down this nasty road. It's one thing to hurt myself, but I can no longer hurt my family, they are way to good to have some POS like me dragging them down. Any good Psych's in mid michigan area? Just airing this crap out I guess, I have too much pressure on me...have a good day, dB

I am totally nice to others. I just get tired of being everyone's punching bag. All I do is work and give to everyone else, and in return I expect to be respected and not provoked. I take it too far, but I do think that is at the core of it all. I would never, ever expect more out of someone than I do of myself...