Depression is Ruining my Relationship

Hi, I'm new to the online blogging community. I've done extensive research in the past on these, but this is my first time posting.

Me in a nutshell: I'm a 28-year old graduate student who has been dealing with a divorce and complete life change during the last 16 months. My ex and I were together for over 7 years and the biggest result of our demise was due to his lifelong depression issues which he chose to medicate with marijuana (which caused an abundance of problems). I did everything in my power to help save our relationship for several years, but he did not agree in counseling, etc. In short, I took a job in Texas (1000 miles from home) two years ago, prior to coming back for grad school to see if things would get better. I was a stepmom to his 13 year old child at the time, who had just lost his mother to an accidental overdose of prescription medication and I found an email that my then-stepson had written one of his friends stating that he disapproved of me and his father's relationship because he thought I was too strict with him and he wished we would divorce. The situation wore me out, despite double-majoring in subjects at the time and graduating with my undergraduate degree. The second I got offered an out-of-state internship offer in my field to gain experience prior to grad school, I took it, hoping that not only my husband's depression would lessen when we both realized how distance makes the heart grow stronger, and that my stepson would realize that I wasn't being hard on him but trying to make him a better/more responsible person with the lack of strong adults in his life.

Long story short, I was overworked for 6 months and absolutely exhausted long before it was time for me to come home from my internship. I realized while being away so long that my relationship was in serious need of help and I never really ever "missed" my ex while I was away. I knew I wanted out and things progressed very quickly once I arrived home to begin grad school. We stayed together for 3 months afterward, hoping to make matters better and even got a new house together, but our relationship ultimately failed. The straw that broke the camel's back was when our 3-legged rescue Labrador died the week we had finally decided to call it quits. She was the love of both of our lives and when she passed upon knowing we were going to divorce, we were both equally devastated and ready to file divorce papers.

Fast-forward one year. I spent 11 months grieving over my divorce, failing as a stepmother, and my beloved dog's passing (which feels like losing your own child). I spent many a nights consulting a bottle a vodka to numb the pain. Not to mention, I am a teaching assistant at the university teaching upper-level science classes and working on my own Master's degree... in all the craziness, I met the most amazing guy I've ever dreamt about and somehow he feels similar feelings for me.

We began dating seriously and overnight, the honeymoon phase set in. Over the weeks, he got to know my past and accepted everything I had been through and loved me for who I was. Then, during mid-semester, my graduate advisor was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease and I was left teaching her class and not knowing if I would graduate without her.

I was worried for her, had just found out my dad was diagnosed with dementia, and my brother who is my best friend had just deployed to Afghanistan. Anyone who has been through graduate school knows the stress of it alone, but me dealing with the aftermath of my divorce to a man I gave my heart to for nearly a decade, and losing my dog, on top of the advisor hospitalization and my dad's mental health and my brother's military situation, I was a mess. And I have been a mess for several months.

I am three months away from finishing graduate school and in the wake of all this craziness, I am at least 2 months behind on finishing my thesis and defending on time, to graduate. As of May (3 months away), I will no longer be teaching at the university and must have a job to rely on. I have gone to conferences and applied for several jobs, with no leads thus far. I have been extremely overwhelmed, worried about the future while still trying to deal with my recent past.

This evening, my boyfriend (whom I think the world of and have talked about spending my life with openly) told me that my recent emotional breakdowns are wearing on him and he doesn't want to be with me when I am not my usual, positive, bubbly self. I completely understand where he is coming from, since I was always a positive ball of energy prior to him meeting me and me undergoing all these recent events of the last two years. We've had amazing times together just in the 6 months we've been dating, and I've met his family and he's told everyone we're planning on marrying after graduate school and want a family together.

The problem is, he doesn't really understand the extent of my depression, which I am sure will pass once I get a job and am not bending over backwards trying to make ends meet on $1200/month. I'd never worried about finances prior to separating from my ex because we always worked as a team, but the last two years, I've been on my own. Financial struggles are hard enough to deal with alone, but the added stress of graduate school and my above-mentioned personal struggles have weighed me down tremendously.

I would appreciate any advice. My relationship is suffering as a result of all this and tonight he gave me the ultimatum that he really loves my happy side and if this depression continues, he cannot promise to stay in the relationship.

A side note is that I have always dated older men, but he is 6 years younger than me, and although that has created some problems in our relationship because I often wish he'd act older while around friends and in public, he has honestly called-me out for acting immature this week for having emotional breakdowns. I do not want to lose him, he is absolutely right in his decisions but hearing ultimatums on top of the stress I've been dealing with is a lot to handle.