Have to release one way or another

I really do not know where to begin but I am at a point in my life where i just want to get away i am tired of feeling i hate to feel. My life has not been an easy one my childhood was plagued with alcohol drugs fights the fighting the screams sometimes i would stay home from school because i did not know what would happen if i was away and i wanted everyone to be ok. I was a 4.0 student but by my freshman year i shut and quit going to school the lifestyle of my household began taking a toll on me mentally it was a constant struggle everyday pretending everything was fine. My teenage years were no different i began trying to help around the house as much as could if something was needed i tried to provide it but it was never enough i can never seem to make anyone happy no matter how hard i try. I feel alone desperate i have my own husband and children and i can not focus on them because my other famliy is so consuming it is alot to take on i have other siblings they have no idea what i go through i wish they would help and take some of the pressure off of me and my husband but they don't everyday i wake up just feeling so low or i don't have any energy i just want to stay in the house i feel like im losing my mind. i found this website and was hoping maybe there is someone out there that understands and can help. I would like to close with a poem i wrote about how im feeling. There once a girl who had no clue that giving her all would leave her feeling so blue she tried and tried to make everyone happy but for some reason or another they made her feel crappy her emotions she kept hidden locked deep inside why share so in reality she tosses it aside now she just wants take care of herself and in wanting to do that she feels so much guilt she is so use to saying yes she must learn to say no begin to believe in who she is stand firm in what she wants a long awaited process she can finally decompress. She believes the lack of her expressing how she feel is often misunderstood and instead of inquiries she receives reject. The lost girl from ninth grade has never been addressed haunting memories from childhood she wishes were laid to rest she hoped as a young lady her parents would see her real pain but they had their own problems and hers were in vain feeling abandoned she never left their side true friendship was needed so that’s what she applied no matter how much she does its never enough so now she ask herself what is ever enough focus on you that’s all I can do.

I don't think you're tired of feeling, I think you're just tired of feeling nothing GOOD.

You have to let go of the past. You have to put your foot down, and refuse to let other people suck you dry. From ages 11-18 I was in that kind of household.

The truth is...nothing you do will make these people happy, because you're not what's causing their unhappiness in the first place.

But you CAN make a difference in your own life, and the lives of your children and husband. Those are the people you should be focusing on.

You have to take the pressure off yourself. Refuse to be involved. I know it's hard, but you have to take the control back.