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i opened up, and you judged me

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Depression
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Posted 3/7/2013 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
i refuse to go to my therapist again. i'm 15. my whole life has been up and down. i have two parents, one of which is never home, and the other which is partly home. have four grandparents that adore me, and a little brother who hates me but secretly looks up to me. i have a boyfriend who likes me as much as i like him, everythings kinda alright. i've never gotten majorly abused. the most of gotten is a few rounds to the face or chin grabs or smacked because i might have deserved it. doesnt mean i havent thrown one or two back.

i've been on anti depressants for a month. finished a week ago. mother refuses to go back and speak to the doctor because she doesnt want to hear that her daughter is broken.

dad isnt home to listen. and when he is home i stay upstairs because otherwise we just fight about my grades, or something stupid i said.

so no, i dont have a terrible life. but, i still get majorly depressed.
but why?

sure, my parents have to do with it, my old friends have to do with it, rude boys have to do with it, but mainly I, myself have something to do with it.

i've convinced myself i'm fat, sometimes ugly, selfish, rude, not funny, and i hate thinking that of myself. some days i just lay in bed and listen to music and think and just doing that i'm content.

i'd rather be in bed then out with friends. i hate art now which i used to love. i didnt try out for volleyball bc i was intimidated even though ive played for 5 years now, i hate everything i used to love.

everything.

i dont believe in bestfriends because i dont believe that there is one person who will always be there for you and never judge you.

i dont know, maybe i'm just messed up.
Posted 3/7/2013 1:12 PM (GMT 0)
clandes

it is sad to hear that you did not like your therapist. perhaps you did not quiet give that person a chance, or your might want to try another, there are wonderful therapist out there!

http://www.teencentral.net/ Here is a place for you to start. connect with folks who understand what you are going through at your age. There are more teen site at the top of the Depression site thread under Resources. I urge you to review and check them out.

It is so hard to be a teenager, then to live in a house of conflict and chaos, does not help. the fact that you are not doing you art anymore tells me you are bottling up your emotions and suppressing feelings.

have your tried journaling, it is another way to dump emotions and release the pain.

Stay strong, keep posting here we support, listen and care the best we can for each other.

Peace
Trina
Posted 3/7/2013 1:21 PM (GMT 0)
Why do you refuse to go to your therapist. Your title of your thread is "I opened up and you judged me". Is that why??? Therapists usually don't judge. Maybe a different one like Trina suggested would be better. There are quite a few out there and sometimes we don't jive with a certain one. That shouldn't stop you from getting help. I hope you find another one.

It sounds like you have a lot of stress for your age. That always makes things harder. Know that we all support you here. I think journaling is a great idea. I paint, and haven't been able to lately. It is such a mood thing. Take care and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/8/2013 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Clandes tine,

I was a teenager once and now I am the mother of teenagers. I think struggling is actually more normal than we might all think. It is a difficult time of life. One thing that is sure: Life gets better as you get older. It just does.

I hope that you will find a way to be kind to yourself. I remember once, when I was younger, I was being really hard on myself and a guy I knew said to me, "If anyone was saying those things about another person, you would say they were really cruel. Don't do that to yourself." I know that is easy to say, but the fact that you are reaching out for help is a sign that you are a caring person and want to have things get better.

Do you have a pet? Sometimes a good dog or cat can really be a great thing in life when we are feeling bad.

I don't think anyone here will judge you. This seems like a caring bunch of folks.

Warm hugs from across the universe,

JM
Posted 3/8/2013 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
Andalusiansyes,

Welcome to the depression forum. Thanks for the post to Clandes tine...

Hugs, Karen
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