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Shoulds........

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Posted 3/10/2013 2:14 AM (GMT 0)
That single word has ruled my life. I should do this, or I should do that. Rather than, what do I want to do or what do I need to do? Taking care of my illness requires me to throw the shoulds in my life out the window.

My brain says "You should have gone to the gym. You should have cleaned house. You should have gotten the craft project done" My soul said "It is the first sunny day in months, get out and enjoy it. So I did. I went walking downtown for a few hours. When I got home I was tired.
My body says "I need a nap." I took a nap and now I feel much better. But I still feel guilty for not going to the gym or doing all the other 100 things on my mental to do list. I went to the gym 4 days last week. Isn't it OK to blow it off once in a while?

I have this internal drill sergeant who never lets me rest. I want to shut it up so I can actually enjoy my life. I think I inherited this voice partially from my father, but at this point I have to take responsibility for it.

I had a great day free from depression, nearly pain free. Isn't that an accomplishment in and of itself?
Posted 3/10/2013 2:23 AM (GMT 0)
Take "should" out of your vocabulary. We can always try to make ourselves feel guilty. I am good at it. But you did good by going to the gym four times last week, and you deserve a nice relaxing day. The walking that you did is probably just as good for you as the gym would have been.

I got dressed and took my dog out. I only stayed about five minutes as it was so damp. But at least I got dressed and went out and I thought of it as an accomplishment in itself instead of feeling guilty for not staying out long. So we have to give ourselves a break now and then and be proud of what we accomplish. I am happy for you. I am glad you enjoyed your day!!!

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/10/2013 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
tongue YAY TO YOU!!!!!

i too, in the past have been ruled by shoulda, coulda, woulda!!! but no more!!! remember slow and steady wins the race. we are here for you.

in kind friendship,
jamie
Posted 3/10/2013 8:07 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Karen and Jamie. I appreciate all the support you have given me these last few months. It is amazing how far I have come. While waiting at the car shop today I read a few weeks of my journal that I started back in December when my most recent depressive episode started. I am so grateful to be out of that constant hell. Now I have moments of pain, but nothing like that. Thanks to you all on this site I am learning to be patient with myself.

You guys/gals rock! Off to sleep now. Hope you all have a wonderful day.
Posted 3/10/2013 8:10 AM (GMT 0)
you are most welcome jennifer.
with healing compassion,
jamie
Posted 3/10/2013 11:16 AM (GMT 0)
I hope you have a wonderful day too Jennifer... Like Jamie says, "slow and steady win the race". I believe that. One day at a time.
Keep posting... I am glad you see improvement by reading your journal.

Take care sweetie!

Hugs, Karen...

Hey to Jamie too!!!
Posted 3/10/2013 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
Jennifer,

so glad that you are moving forward in your healing journey! Once big step is realizing that "should" needs to come out of our mental vocabulary!

we do what we can do, not what we should do. That word comes from the past and all the abuse and suffering that was imposed upon us when we were young.

Taking it our of your mental vocabulary helps us build that "healthy" new rail road track in our brain that says "we are worthy" and "important" people.

Well done! You are to be commended for all the hard work you have put into your healing journey. Pluse re-reading journals is an excellant excercise to to see how far we have come in our journey. Or so says my therapist! tongue

Have a wonderful day Jennifer and please keep posting, you inspire me to keep working hard to
clear my darkness away.

Stay Strong,
Peace
Trina
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