To love or not to love?

Hi 7Lil!!!

Hmmm . . . I was engaged to be married (26 years ago) and I realized in my heart of hearts that I needed him more than I loved him. Does that make any sense?? I needed his love more than I loved him. I called him up and he came over and we talked (through many tears) and I explained how I was afraid to trust my feelings because I felt like I might be jumping the gun. He talked me through it and we did get married and we just had our 26th anniversary. Just hope you realize the difference. It really is good if you are comfortable in your own skin before you involve someone else in your life.

I hope some of the others have some good advice for you. If you are questioning something, there is probably something worth investigating sis!!

Blessings!

I am in my 30's and really have very little experience with the relationship stuff in general but what I do know is that every relationship that I have been in I have completely sabotaged because I dislike myself very much. In fact there is an underlying feeling of disgust.  I always wanted to be whatever he wanted to be and whenever I thought I couldn't make the grade I would push him away or there were even times when I drove them off by being too needy or clingy. I don't want to drag anyone else through my personal hatred.  I want to be there and be good for the "future him" in a way I can't be now because of what's going on in my head.

I hate that Jerry Maguire line "You complete me."  Its impossible no one can complete you.  You have to be comfortable with yourself and accept your limitations.  By the way those last lines aren't coming from me but the therapist that I have been working with for almost four years. I am hoping on some level that that will sink in to my thick skull someday because I so badly want to believe that.

I hope you don't think I am giving advice in the sense that "I know best" I am just telling you of my experiences.  I am glad that you are in love and I think learning to be comfortable in your skin takes some time and perhaps you grow into that by working on that.  Best of luck to you

If there is any doubt of love in the relationship that is not good whether loving yourself or another person. When I find that I cannot love myself, I start doubting why my husband loves me. If I can't see any good in me, how can he? It gets to be an insecurity thing. I don't know if I believe that you can't love someone if you don't love yourself but it will definitely put a strain on the relationship. If you don't think that you are worthy of your love, how can you not think that that mindset won't rub off on the person's feelings for you?