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Fighting not to feel completely alone

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Posted 3/23/2013 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hey guys, I am new here and I am just really looking for some advice. First of all, let me start as to why I have been feeling really crapty recently. I broke up with my girlfriend of three years a few months ago because I had realized that I was not sexually attracted to her anymore. It was really hard at first, but now that I have moved out, we are friends again. I am still in college btw. Anyway, part of the reason why it was so hard was because I started dating again right away, and this new girl, a few weeks later, broke up with me. Then, I slept with another girl, a friend, and after we slept together she stopped talking to me. These tree women have all caused me to go back to self harm. Not because they are horrible, but because I put all my self worth on others. I have been*****again and my ED has gotten much worse. I just feel very alone. I am surrounded by friends and seeing a counsellor, but I feel like total ***and utterly worthless if I am not in in a relationship. The gay community is really small at my school, so finding another gay girl to date right now really isn't an option. I am scared and ******terrified. I am about to graduate and I just want to survive this last term.

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 3/23/2013 5:32:04 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/23/2013 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, a break up is always hard even if it's your decision and I guess it's about finding a new way of being that makes you happy. It feels important to me that you work out who you are in relation to the world and not in relation to another person, I think it becomes difficult when your self esteem is in relation to others and I think it's important for you to learn to be happy in your own skin, and on your own. If you can learn to be happy on your own then a relationship won't be so important and so will just happen naturally and in it's own time.
Posted 3/23/2013 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
Dwntwn,

Welcome to the forum, I had to edit your post due to regulation, we can not talk about self harm or use foul language. I do hope you understand.

Glad to see that you are remaining in councelling this is the best step you could take. I do hope you are telling the councelor 100% of the truth regarding your feelings.

I might suggest that while you are working on YOU and getting your emotions and feelings worked out. That you do not date. Who needs the complications during such a hard time?. Worry about you first, school second and the rest will fall into place later.

Keep posting here we try to support and listen the best we can.

Peace
Trina
Posted 3/24/2013 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
thank you. I am really really gonna work on this. And yes, I totally understand about the self harm and foul language, I apologize. But thank you both. I've just always done that. And yes, I am always completely honest with my counselor. I tell him that I am self harming, about my ed, and about my self worth issues. He says that same thing, that I need to learn how to love my self. and not dating, as you suggested Bnotafraid, scares the crap out of me. Just because I am worried that no one will ever like me again, and if some one does, I need to take the opportunity.
Posted 3/24/2013 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
dwtwn,

I was abused by 4 members of my family for 15 yrs so I understand about learning self-worth and creating self-love.

It is difficult, but not impossible. Your last statement is just worrying about life before it happens.
You must slow down and take life one day at a time. Mindfulness and meditation can help you do this. DBT skill are also very helpful.

At the top of the depression forum there is a thread call "resources" please visit that thread and review all the pages to see what you would like to ask you therapist about.

Continuing to wish you Peace
Trina
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