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Posted 4/7/2013 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
of depression. So much negative thinking going through my head. Slept 14 hours last night and wish i could sleep more. Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep whenever i feel overwhelmed.

Making an effort to go out and do something seems just too hard. I do have regular errands on Sunday which I will push myself through.

I dread Monday mornings and getting up to go to work. I seem to spend most of Sunday with a huge "ugh" feeling about Mondays.

Keeping up appearances around my sister who I live with. I don't want to worry people who are near to me - worry that they won't be able to handle my down moods - or that they will get sick of hearing about it and tell me to just snap out of it.

i know a lot of my thinking is negative. so hard not to listen to it though - i have always thought my thinking was excellent. it is a real fall from grace to realize it is not.

i know i will probably feel a bit better after doing my errands. i have been spending most weekends at home and i get bored. i even run out of websites to visit. i guess it gets boring because there is no real face-to-face human contact.

some of my friends and relatives are OK to talk to about depression and some aren't. often when i am in the headspace that i am in today i feel like no one really wants to listen.

i am due for a visit to my psych. i want to let him know that i still feel anxious and depressed a lot of the time. hopefully he will up my meds. i hope he doesn't just say "take a klonopin". those things make me sleepy and i'm leery of taking them if i am going to drive, for instance.

i promised myself when i wrote this post i would say everything that is on my mind. so i guess that's it.

display
Posted 4/7/2013 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
Display,

I know you are in a dark place and have been for a while now. I have suggested mindfulness to you before. Have you tried it? Have you read about it? It will keep you in the moment and not worrying about tomorrow. Let you enjoy the present. Yes, it takes practice, just like all the skills. However, it is worth the effort.

It is just as hard to hang on hour to hour as it is to learn new skills, that will eventually help. I know I have been where you are many times. It does pass. It passes faster using coping skills.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills__defined_.html
http://www.dbtmind.com/
http://pdfreedownload.com/pdf/dialectical-behavior-therapy-workbook
www.mindful.org

Please try one of these, or at least ask your doctor about DBT skills and mindfulness if you are scared to try. You must try something to break your cycle. Medications alone will not do it.

I wish you strength and Peace of mind.
Trina
Posted 4/7/2013 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Display-

You are not alone. Right now, I am in a very bad place. But if you ask anyone around me, I am doing great- I have everyone fooled. I play the game. On the inside I feel like I am dying. I don't feel hope in my heart- In my head, I know there is hope but my heart is just empty. Maybe that is where my depression stems from- my brain and my heart are at two different places. It's a constant battle.

Just know you are not alone.We must keep putting one foot in front of the other in the hope of being better tomorrow.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way!
Michele
Posted 4/7/2013 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
JB1,

I am glad that you are reading the book. I have kept a copy for years and refer to it now and again. I also have a few other books I will post when I find them to get the titles right. And the authors.

Keep up the great work. And it is work.

Display,

I really hope that you feel better soon. I would look up the sites that Trina mentioned. It really does help.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/8/2013 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
Display,

Please respond and let us know how you are doing today.

Hoping you are well and getting outside.

Peace
Trina
Posted 4/8/2013 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
hi Trina,

thanks for checking up on me. i really did read the DBT stuff (for the first time) and really liked it. i plan on continuing to read and study it.

it has been a real trip (60's term) to be mindful of what i am thinking. i have noticed a lot of garbage goes through my mind in the mornings. later in the day it doesn't seem to be a problem.

today was back to work so of course that occupied my mind quite a bit.

thanks again,
display
Posted 4/10/2013 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi display ,

thanks for responding ( sigh of relief) the morning is worse me also, that is when a lot of the abuse took place, so a lot of thoughts muddle through then.

So glad you are reading DBT :-)

Stay safe!
Peace my friend
Trina
Posted 4/10/2013 11:34 AM (GMT 0)
thanks Trina.

this is another hard morning. i am dreading going to work because it feels like nothing but boredom. i am scared and worried about my upcoming denture.

but i am trying to challenge the negative thoughts by using "maybe" - maybe things aren't working right in my brain right now.

it's so hard to get through these hard times because they feel like they will go on forever and i doubt my ability to take action to make them better.

just wanted to check in,
Posted 4/10/2013 12:46 PM (GMT 0)
Display,

Have you ever tried to draw your darkness, or "hard times" to see what it looks like? It can just be abstract colors. You do not need to be an artist to do this. crayons work well.

I did this everyday for a week and I finally became has big as my darkness. It still worries me some, but does not overwhelm me.

One of my favorite go to positive statements is a quote from Louisa Mae Alcott.

"I am not afraid of the storm, I am learning to sail"

What a brave women her and Emily Dickensen must have been. Can you imagine in their time, dealing with depression, using writing as a tool to stay sane! They are 2 of my hero's!

I hope you have a good day today.

Peace
Trina
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