Do I leave her

I'm married to a woman that has anxiety and most likely depression. We met thru her brother and have been together since the first day we met. It's been 13 years now,almost 2 of them married . For a couple of months now my wife has been sleeping downstairs because she says the bed hurts her back . Until recent events i believed her, but then out of the blue she admitted she felt she's not in love with me and when we made love she delt nothing for me. Wow,what a slap in the face that was. She had no emotion in her face at all, like she didn't feel anything. She kept saying it wasn't me that it was her, and I've been a good husband in a good father. She's been staying over friends houses and her birthday is tomorrow and we had plans to go out and see a show. She seemed really excited about doing it but then all of a sudden she tells me she didn't want to spend it with me and that she would rather spend it with her friends. I admit at first I was angry but then I was very hurt. I felt like I had been thrown to the side and that I was less important her friends were. Naturally in defense I left on her b*** I knew that she would just get mad and we wouldn't have a good time if she stayed with me to go out, so I just accepted it. My wife is always been difficult it wasn't until 8 years ago when her mother passed away that she became worse. Being with her has been a very stressful thing these past 13 years and I don't know if I can take anymore. What appreciate feedback from anybody who is going through or has gone through what I am going through right now. I love her very much and it would be hard for me to let her go and break our family apart, especially for our children .

Hi Lostinvegas,

Welcome to the depression forum. I agree with JB1. Marriage counseling would be the best thing to try. I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like maybe she is changing. But ask her about counseling and take it from there.

Hugs, Karen

Assuming things gets you into a lot of trouble. Never do that. Always stick to what you really do know. Not what you think you know. I agree, regular counseling would be a good place to start. Marriage counseling if she wants to. Don't ruin her birthday if you can help it. There is a place and time for everything...

I hope things work out for you...

Hugs, Karen

Try to stay positive and get her to a marriage counceling session.

Peace
Trina

Also i wanted to say thank you to everyone who has responded to my blog. I never thought I would have this awful experience happen to me. So thanks again and I'll write back and tell you what the doctor says. Mark

Thanks Karen, I think so too. She's going to see the counselor today and she'll text me back to let me know what they say. We talked this morning and she cried to me and told me that she does love mean doesn't understand why she feels this way. I told me that she was scared and she didn't want our marriage to end, and that she was sorry for putting me through all of this. Express to her how much I was against her spending the night at someone elses house and then I didn't think that it was right that she would be doing something like that. We wanted to go through three steps before marriage counseling first the blood work to check her hormones than they actually want her to go to sex therapy because she does not enjoy it at all anymore. The doctor said they wanted to save marriage counseling for last because they want to focus on her first. It was nice being able to talk to her this morning because she's been so distant lately I couldn't help myself but to think the worst things. Ladies are right assumption is the mother of all you know what's! In the end I think I was hurting myself more than she was, and I will try to be a little more positive from now on. Mark

I hope too and sorry for the jumbled sentences. I doing it through my voice text and it doesn't always type the right words. She said she might not text the information to me about what she heard at the counselor's office cuz she'd rather talk to me about it in person so I may not be able to get back to you guys until tomorrow evening to let you know what happened. I think I look up a counselor in my Book of medical providers todayand maybe schedulethe an appointment to speak to someone.

Mark,

I hope things work out for the both of you. Alexis

GB one, what I meant to say was she is a typical woman who is very stubborn & does not like to be told what to do. at least that x10. My wife's quick to say no. She was a tomboy when she was young so she's not the Suzie homemaker type. I'm very clean, she's not. I have bleach stains in my clothes and the can spend a couple of days in the washing machine after it stopped. I've compromised for 13 years and still can't get her to change. That's what I ment.

I'm sorry I don't feel like the others here and I think you've given her enough chances, maybe seek out a lawyer for options, 13 years and she springs all this on you thats a lot of commitment on your part and if things don't go good with counseling then seek out a lawyer...But make it a good seperation if it goes that way and the most is it'll hurt your children so maybe try and get counseling for your children as well...The children will be hurt the most and you need to speak up to your wife and tell her that this situation is going to hurt them...Many well wishes in what you choose to do...

So folks but i have a crappy cell and my words once again are wrong cuz i don't think I'd be talkin about ice cream. Sorry.

I apologize to the ladies out there in the forum i wasn't trying to stereotype you. I just meant that you ladies are hard to communicate with when you are emotional, and my wife's very emotional. My last entry I was very emotional because once again my wife was trying to delay coming hometand its not fair to me or our children that their mother is gone all evening. Once again no she did tell me that she doesn't understand what's going on with her and that she needs time. She told me that her therapy session went okay but her therapist kept asking the same question and she was unsure if she was actually going to help her or not. They are going to do blood work considering what she said to her about her hormones being off back in August and feeling the same way. She didn't give me too much detail know after that. I talk to friends at work in they tell me that I don't deserve this and that I should just leave her and move on with my life for the sake of myself and my kids. I'm not sure I could do something like that because she deserves a chance for me to help her and make her well. I don't feel like I could just abandon her like thatbecause even though a lot of times I get so mad at her I just want her to leave. This whole ordeal is really eating me up inside and I only way I find any kind of Solace and exercising

Just remember, you can't fix her, or "make her well" as you put it. You can support her but it is up to her. Have you thought about counseling for yourself for support. I think you really need that at the moment. Take it one day at a time. No rush decisions.

Hugs, Karen