what am I supposed to do now?

I don't even know where to start because I feel this takes some explaining. For the past two years I have been trying to treat mood swings and now just depression and I feel like I am getting nowhere. I was put on zoloft last February to treat pmdd. That worked for a month and then slowly just didn't work anymore. I also had bad sexual side effects. So my obgyn decided we should try celexa since I had taken it in college for depression and anxiety. It worked great in college but this time made me more unstable and I had suicidal thoughts. After that I began seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist regularly and I am not happy with the progress with either of them. I am now on 150mg of effexor which helps with the pmdd symptoms and sometimes helps with the depression but by and large all I feel is a drug haze and I am having terrible sexual side effects.

I feel like I don't get enough information from my doctors about depression and it's really making it hard to live my life. I lost my job two months ago because I simply couldn't focus on the work or try hard enough. I wanted to do all of those things, but then I would just sit and stare. I have been living with my boyfriend for two months and he thinks I'm lazy and self indulgent. I try to explain that even getting out of bed is hard and sometimes I have every intention of starting a project and then I realize I have been sitting for most of the day. I want to know if anyone else has experienced that feeling and how you moved past it? I want so badly to feel better and am flailing in everything I do. I feel like I'm going crazy. How can I so badly want things to change and then never make it happen? Does depression do this? Or am I just lazy and self indulgent?

Thank you,

Kami
Depression /anxiety

Thank you both so much. It's good to know I'm not the only one, although I'd prefer if no one had to experience this.

My boyfriend doesn't want to have to deal with this or me anymore and I can't seem to make him understand this isn't me. We're done I'm pretty sure and it kills me that depression has caused that.

I'll start breaking things into manageable pieces and try to keep moving forward.

Thank you.