Feeling useless and depressed

Where do I start? I don't know what's wrong with me but here lately, I've been feeling very hopeless and depressed. The biggest sign I've noticed is a disinterest in things I like to do. I work an office job and it's pretty overwhelming and stressful at times so after work, I used to either go shopping or to the park and take a walk and then upon getting home, I'd eat dinner and watch my favorite TV shows. Well, I stopped shopping because I ran out of money and I stopped going to the park because I'd drive to it and see all the people there and be overwhelmed. Now I just come straight home and either sit mindlessly on the computer or just go straight to sleep. I try making myself do stuff like clean or practice the piano but I get bored and tired within minutes and go back to my room and sit in there alone. I can't live like this anymore. I don't have any friends so that's not an option. It would really be nice if I did though. Some of my favorite TV shows happen to be dramas and I get so wrapped up in them sometimes because I want my life to be like that; normal, pretty, with friends, with money, etc. I know TV is fake but a lot of it is based on or could happen in real life. I feel like I'm trapped. I'm pushing 30 with not much relationship experience, no friends because I have social anxiety and self esteem issues, and in bad debt from college, although I do manage my money so I'm not late on any bills. I feel like I'm a very responsible, mature person with a good head on my shoulders but at the same time, I'm very lonely and messed up inside. I pretend to be happy all the time to my coworkers and family but deep down, all I want to do is cry. I know most of you will suggest counseling and I've thought about it but I don't have the money and even if I did, I would be way too shy to talk to the counselor face to face. I just want to be happy again.

Post Edited (Jayne75) : 5/9/2013 5:31:28 PM (GMT-6)

Thanks for the replies. The book club sounds interesting but I come from a small town and there are none around here. As for the meds, that's not an option even if I could afford them. I have never been able to swallow pills, plus I don't take any type of medication, not even tylenol, and I don't want to start. I've been looking into homeopathy so if anyone has any suggestions for that, then please let me know. I think my depression started when spring came around. For as long as I can remember, I've had SAD. Not sure why because everyone in my family is the opposite. They love this time of year and I absolutely hate it. I really don't know what to do. Please help :(

My depression seems to come and go. I really can't explain it but the bigger issue is my social anxiety. It's keeping me from living a normal life. I've been shy all my life even as an adult but I've always managed to work a public job. However, when it comes to my personal life, I can't even look people in the eye. I have no real friends because of this. I even act this way towards family sometimes. Sure I have a few acquaintances here and there but really the only people who know about my issues are a few friends from college, but they won't give me the time of day anymore. Suffering with all of this is one thing, suffering alone is another.

Hey Kathy,

Welcome to the forum. Could you please remove "business broadband" out of your signature, it is an advertisement and that is not allowed.

I am sorry you feel like a loser and useless object. Hopefully coming here will help you. Do you go to any counseling?

Hugs, Karen...