HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

hating myself

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/10/2013 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hello again,

As days pass i find me hating and blaming myself more. I can't stop it..I don't know how to love myself. I know nobody is perfect but i have so high expectations and when things doesn't go as i want them to, im falling back into depression and self-hate and blame. My psychologist always tells me "lower your expectations". I can't forgive me. For example i feel depressed and paralyzed, and im not able to study,to do my duty and i hate me for that. I just don't know how to change it. I hate everything today,i hate my life,my university,myself,the weather..everything around me.Death is stuck on my head.
Posted 6/10/2013 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jeoch,

Don't hate yourself. I agree with the psychologist, lower your expectations. You are expecting too much out of yourself.

Practice some mindfulness and meditation. Take a walk in the rain if it is raining. Do something out of the ordinary. Don't think about death. We only live once, and you can make it a good life. Appreciate what you have. Your vision, your ability to walk. You have two arms and two legs. Think of the people who don't have that. Be thankful for what you got.

It is so hard when we are depressed. We dislike ourselves, we neglect ourselves. I don't even like to shower when I am depressed, but I make myself do it. Be thankful you have the ability to learn. The university is a good thing for you. You are young. You are nice. You are a good person. Know inside that all of this is true. Take life one day at a time. Stop and smell the roses...

This is a good life...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/10/2013 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
I've gone down that road, it's leads no where. Just take thing one day at a time. Find something that can take your mind of the things that is bothering you.

Put issues that are bothering you onto a journal. The brain has a special way to deal with residual memory. If you put it down on a piece of paper, slowly, it will help you let go.
Posted 6/11/2013 7:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hello...
I understand how you feel in regard to self hate/guilt. I feel that too when I am in the grips of depression, like I am right now. I wish I could say something that would trigger some hope for you. All I can offer is that you are not alone...I am beside you and even though I don't know you, I care.
I know it is so hard to go for a walk or even get out of bed sometimes, but these little steps as small as they seem, will lead us away from our gloom, if only for a moment. As we keep taking small steps we get farther
from the depression...depression loves our company...but we must not give in to it...cuz it sucks us in to the dark, hopeless hole. I am sorry this crap is happening for you and a lot of others, including me...lets support one another in marching on....we can't do it alone. Wishing you all love and hope.
Posted 6/11/2013 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
I am not doing well. I feel so guilty cuz I have two beautiful kids, both adults, who need me in there lives, but, I am not there for them. I am to caught up in my own pain and hopelessness, and not being there for them just exacerbates the pain and guilt I already have about my life and my anxiety/depression. It is so scarey feeling out of control...like I am hanging by a thread, like I am paralyzed in my sickness. I cannot get away from it...suicide is out because I couldn't do that to my kids and because I am afraid I would go somewhere worse than where I am now. Oh, how pathetic I sound. So much to be thankful for..yet here I whine and weep. ??? So lost. Thanks for being there...if anyone is there...?
Posted 6/11/2013 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Koota,

Hang in there... Maybe being in your children's lives would cause you to focus less on your own... Or have you already tried that? I think taking your mind off of your own problems can help sometimes. Like maybe volunteering at a local animal shelter or at a hospital. Nursing home??? Something to help you constructively and keep your mind occupied. If you don't want to do that, maybe consider a hobby. Again to keep your mind busy.

Find some good self help books too. That really helps. Do you go to any counseling? Another constructive thing to do. Learn about mindfulness. It really helps.

Take care Koota. Welcome to the forum.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/11/2013 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hello dear Koota,

Im probably around your children's age. Im here for you,im here for everybody. Im very glad that suicide is out because you think about your children. I lost my father when i was 11 and i can tell you that it ruined my whole life.I will never be completely without my beloved father. So NO,suicide is not an option.I know how relieving is the idea that when you die the pain will end. But im sure there are way better options to deal with the pain and the hell we are in. You also need to find a reason for yourself. I know how hard is your/mine/OUR struggle. I feel you. Are you on medication and psychotherapy? Have you got anything to keep yourself busy?

Love and support
Posted 6/11/2013 10:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hello again,

Wow...thank you for the comforting replies and suggestions from all of you...so nice.

Yes, I have to to doctors and psychiatrists and been on and off medication over the past 30 years.
This time though, the meds are not helping me. All of my receptors are being covered with two different antidepressants, so not much more they can do as far as meds go...I was told by my doctor. Scarey.
I am seeing a therapist and will be joining a cognitive therapy group in JUly.
I am so inconsistent, one day I say I will do something and the next day I don't feel I can. I know I have to
take small steps and keep trying. Hard time pushing myself to do the things I know I should.
Anyhow, thank you again for your messages of support. All the best to all of you.
Posted 6/12/2013 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
You are right, we have to keep moving forward, small steps. We do what we are able to do. There is no set pace.

Keep on keeping on. Know that we care...

Hugs, Karen...
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply