HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Divorce

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1 2
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 7/7/2013 11:14 AM (GMT 0)
AV, my prayers are still with you no matter what you decide. Change you password and codes. what is good for goose is good for the gander!

Peace
Trina
Posted 7/7/2013 12:06 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Trina, if you can't look at his phone, he doesn't need to look at yours. Try to take this one day at a time, I think going back to school would be a great thing for you to do for yourself. Keep that in mind. He may be trying to hold you down, but there is more than one way to skin a cat.

Do good things for you and the children. I think you will get through this.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/7/2013 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
I would go back to school and get a good skill so you can go off on your own when the time is right. From your reaction when you thought he wanted a divorce right now tells me the time is not right at the present moment. You can still be pleasant...you can get more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. You have friends that support you and, yes, I agree that you should change all your passwords and codes, too. This evens the playing field.

Then, once you have the education you need, you can get a job you really want and something that will support you and your children if things never work out. This won't take you that long and will give you security and more faith in the future.

My husband graduated from college two years ahead of me and really wanted me to quit school and get married. I didn't. I wanted the security of something to fall back on if things didnt work out. I did get married 13 days after I graduated from college. But when we were in that proverbial fork in the road that nearly every marriage encounters, I had that safety net. That's what you need to do now.

Sherrine
Posted 7/8/2013 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much. I filled out paperwork for loans and looked into some work/study opportunities, too. Now I just wait and see. I'm considering picking up a part time job and just taking as many classes as I can afford to on that pay. It may take longer but I'd still get there.

I think I'm going to leave my passwords the same. My son uses my email to email his cousin and both kids play games on my phone and Facebook. I'm going to let it go. He's never cheated on me and I don't think he's going to start now.
Posted 7/8/2013 5:02 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry to hear that you've got this to deal with now, Angelic. You are too good a person to be treated this way!!

I remember your mentioning on the Fibro forum that your mother in law was very kind to you. How are things with her now? Can she get through to her son at all?

Debbie
Posted 7/8/2013 5:31 AM (GMT 0)
She is trying to convince him to do therapy. She thinks it would be the worst thing for him to lose me. I keep his life on track. She says since we've been together she's seen such good changes in him.

He's a lot like his father so she understands what I'm dealing with. She wants me to work on me and to give him some time. She seems pretty convinced that he does love me but he's depressed. He just gives in to his depression and takes all his unhappiness out on me.
Posted 7/8/2013 10:43 AM (GMT 0)
That still isn't fair, but I see you are giving him the benefit of a doubt. That is good.

Have a wonderful day today. Hot and muggy here. Finally got some rain...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/8/2013 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so proud of you AV! Going back to school will be a wonderful thing. And I think it will help to socialize with other adults.

You are making some very impressive decisions. Keep it up!

Michele
Posted 7/9/2013 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
I called a friend to talk tonight. It was about 9 pm because I waited until I had the kids down. His wife answered and chewed me out for calling so late (we've talked later). She hung up on me. Now she's sending mean texts. This is why I don't really talk to my friends about things. Going to be another long, sleepless night.
Posted 7/9/2013 11:06 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry that this happened. Obviously the wife didn't know what was going on or else she was jealous. Either way it hurts to be denied when you are reaching out. This happens though. Know you will never be turned away here.

I hope that things do get better soon. I know you are going through a hard time and need somebody to talk to. Know we are all here for you.

Keep posting...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/11/2013 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Things have hit an all time low today. For the first year of our divorce my husband had custody of the kids because I was homeless. He filed for child support which was charging a ton a month even though I kept trying to work it down to a manageable amount. I got a letter today saying that I'm due in court for contempt of child support order.

My ex has barely paid anything on his order and he's never been in this spot.

I have no money for a lawyer and am scared about going to court without one. I can't even get to the courthouse because I haven't lived in the town where I lived at that time in 5 years.

I'm terrified and have no support on this. I have no idea what to do. I'm half tempted to just turn myself in to jail. Let my ex pay for his kids and get away from my marriage issues. I'm just overwhelmed and just want to give up on everything. I'm at the worst I've ever been and see no hope.
Posted 7/11/2013 5:38 PM (GMT 0)
There is always hope A_V... Can you get a court appointed attorney? Do you have a counselor that you can talk to? It never hurts to call an attorney, sometimes they can help you a little just by giving you some advice. If your ex is in the red too with child support, shouldn't one cancel the other out?

They can't get blood out of a rock. Go to court, but try to get a court appointed attorney (which might not happen until you go to court). Take this one day at a time now. Try not to get upset. That only makes you feel worse. Try to go with the flow of events. Mindfulness would really help you right now. Things always look worse than they actually are. Keep posting. It does help.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/11/2013 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
I have custody of the kids now. It took me 10 months after that divorced to get back on my feet. I took legal custody not quite a year after that initial divorce date. He filed for child support and the initial payments were huge, 675 a month. I called many times to get my payment amount lowered. The last I was told was that my payments were 99 dollars a month (because of disability findings). Apparently, that change was never entered and they are claiming I owe 5000 dollars.
Posted 7/12/2013 6:55 AM (GMT 0)
I called and spoke to someone in the child support enforcement office. They say that the state is coming after me because during those 10 months my ex had both kids on arkids (Medicaid for kids) and food stamps. They want me to pay that back.

I've spent the day applying for jobs. I took my kids to a local nature center first and am a bit worried about my ability to work. I couldn't walk for more than 30 minutes without my knee threatening to collapse. I guess I will just have to suck it up. My mom suggested I get a divorce, but continue living with my husband so that I can get my ssi. That feels like cheating to me, though.
Posted 7/17/2013 4:45 AM (GMT 0)
Just an update. I'm seeing a lawyer in the morning. After a rough weekend my husband is actually but more himself. I've been really sick and my drs can't find why. Also got the arthroscope procedure scheduled for my knee. I'll be doing that Aug 7th.
Through all of this my mom has been calling and leaving voicemails. Letting me know that if I go to jail it will ruin her life. Cause I need more pressure in my life right now.
Lastly, I want to thank all of you. I don't think I could have done anything on my own. I was panicked and scared and just having people to listen to me helped a lot. I still feel like a horrible person because of all this but I am working to resolve it all. So thank you all so much. You don't know what it means to me.
Posted 7/17/2013 12:02 PM (GMT 0)
You are not a horrible person, and ignore your mom. She sounds very selfish.

You will get through this, one day at a time. We are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/17/2013 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
I can tell you from your posts that you are not a horrible person. You are a caring, concern individual that is just hurting at the moment. Hang in there. We are here for you.

Peace and courage.
Trina
Posted 7/17/2013 3:27 PM (GMT 0)
I feel like I must be a horrible person. I must have done something to deserve all this horribleness. It's a lot of horribleness.
Posted 7/17/2013 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in there sweetie, it is not you. You are a good person, facing a lot right now. Know that we are all here for you!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/17/2013 3:49 PM (GMT 0)
I just left the lawyers office. It's going to cost a thousand dollars but she thinks she can keep me out of jail. She also may be able to get the amount lowered on account of my disability.

Now I just have to figure out where I'm going to get a thousand dollars. It's still all very scary. It's possible I'm sick from stress. Massive headaches, nausea, vomiting, and loss of appetite.
Posted 7/17/2013 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
You will find a way. We will help you think of something. Is there anyway you could get a small loan? Or yes, talk about installment payments. You are going to get through this. Try not to stress. I know, easier said than done. But you have to try to keep your mind busy on other things right now. If you don't, you are going to have a flare for sure. Meditate, be mindful. You are stronger than you think. Know we all care about you!

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/17/2013 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
She's willing to break it into two payments. One I have to have before 30 days are up and the other before September. I'm going to see what I can do.
Posted 7/17/2013 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
If your husband won't help, call a money lender see what their rates are for a loan.

Good news that you will not have to do any jail time.

Peace
Trina
Posted 7/17/2013 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
We have the money. My husband sold his beloved sea du. I'm shocked. He loved that thing. He still is very pessimistic. He says he doesn't hear anything good about the county court I have to go through, that I'm going to have to pay it all at once, and that he doesn't think I'll get to walk away despite what the lawyer says. I see his point that its a lot of money to just throw away but I also don't think the lawyer would lie to me. She seemed certain she could keep me out of jail.

Every time I say the word jail I just get so disgusted with myself. Good people don't go to jail. I'm just so disappointed in myself for allowing this all to happen.
Posted 7/18/2013 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with JB, take things as they come, and look at the positives. I am happy that you will have money for the attorney. Trust her...

Take care and have a good night...

Hugs, Karen...
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12