Sad and Scared

I know we all have good days and bad days in life. The thing that they neglect to tell you is that you can have scared days that rob you of yourself and lead you into becoming someone you though only "other" people were.

Looking at my life from the outside things "appear" pretty good and relatively successful. However, the truth is that with the more successes I have the more scared and depressed I seem to get once the intial cool factor wears off. An example is in work, a past position I held had me work with a manager who was abusive to say the least and completely destroyed my confidence in myself and now, despite moving on to a new place, I find myself shaking anytime someone asks me a question or to work on something. I'm perfectly capable why in the hell am I terrified of doing things??

Another exmple is in relationships, I've become someone I never have been. Now I know relationships are not perfect but for some reason I find myself trying to make them that way either by forcing it or by denying who I really am and not wanting to admit ANY fault for fear of ruining things. There are times I feel it's pure ego and a waste of time to talk to people about, who wants to hear my ego is too big and that's whats messing things up. Although I'm sure it has some part to play I know that the truth is pure fear. I find myself lying over things that are no big deal at all and lying to those I love because I'm afraid if they heard the truth they would leave. This is me or this isn't the me I want to be and as these relationships tumble and these fears mount I withdraw myself more and more each day and I worry about whats going to happen next until I'm paralyzed with fear and doubt and sadenned by the people I hurt thorugh my issuses.

Not sure any of this makes sense or it's just babbling on to help myself but if anyone else gets this way ever let me know. Feels kinda lonely in this "life" I made for myself.

You're probably right....I just wish calming down was that easy...

Hi Times2,

Welcome to the forum. I just posted a pretty long post to you and I couldn't submit it because it said I wasn't signed in. So I don't know how long this one will actually be.

First of all, relax and breathe. In through the nose and out through the mouth. It is called smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. This relieves any anxiety that we might be facing and relaxes us.

Know that no relationship or person is perfect. We all have flaws and make mistakes. So go easy on yourself. Try not to feel guilty. But try not to get in the habit of telling lies. Even the small ones catch up with you eventually. I think everybody either fibs or just neglects to tell the truth every once in awhile. So don't beat yourself up over that.

Learn to live in the moment and learn to recognize what you have and ignore what you don't. Learn to look at the good things instead of the bad. Nobody has a perfect life no matter how good it appears. It just looks better from afar.

I think you are a pretty good person. I think you try hard and are basically an honest individual. Know that there will be stumbling blocks and bumps in the road. We just have to go a little slower and be more aware of what is going on. Keep trying. Never give up. Worry less, forgive more and be happy.

I hope that this is a good day for you. Keep posting as it does help.

Hugs, Karen...