AAAWWW thanks you guys for the encouragin words and compliments. I just had a bad day and hence bad attitude. It felt like everything was on MY shoulders. My husband always says "we need to do this or that" which translates into I have to do it.
In all fairness to them, Pat has looked after the house in my worst times and Katie, in her school project siad I was her inspiration because I never gave up and was brave.
When I was on the effexor, I was emotionally numb, no crying, no joy. The cymbalta is letting me feel some of this again, which is a good thing, but there is alot of pent up feelings and I am not always sure what to do with these emotions.
I DO wish i could talk about feelings with Pat, but as Rob knows, that is really not in men's comfort zone. But he shows his love in a man's way, he does all the guy stuff plus he loves to cook and can scrub a floor like crazy. He doesn't like to hear of my pain cause guys are fixers and if he cannot fix it, he feels bad and inadequate. But women just want to talk, we don't expect anyone to fix it but just sit with you and let you cry or vent. and then laugh at ourselves-lol
My recovery is so new, it is a roller coaster, it is a missile loaded with all sorts of baggage and I'm never sure where it will land...but I am getting better
Pat and I painted my dark grey room a pastel yellow and the room is full of lovely blues and greens, plants and family pictures and art that gives me pleasure. I am changing my environment and my mind is following along. I think I just might beat this thing and am cautiously joyful and grateful ...to you all, my family, God. I am allowing myself a second chance and dagnab it, I am grabbing it
Katie and I went to buy her homecoming dress today and when I saw that beautiful stubborn confident young lady I had raised, all that anger towards her flew away. We will overcome this too. She needs my love, patience and consistent teaching of the values we hold dear. Of course she is lazy...I was too at her age. My hub was a whirlwind of action, but I was happy to while away the day reading or writing poetry or gaze out the window and daydream. She is under alot of stress senior year and it is my duty to help her learn to cope with a crqzy adult world, where the American Dream is tattered, working hard all your life doesn't guarantee you a dam thing and greed and power seem to be more important than life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh sorry-got on my soapbox again...I AM doing better because I feel passion again...I must say, I had forgotten what it feels like to feel-lol
Anyway, thank you for being here for me, you are loyal and kind friends and I am honored to talk with you each day
God Bless
Mags