Posted 10/5/2013 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All,
I am a newbie and I am posting if you had similar feeling or thoughts going on in my mind.
Since I work as an art teacher at secondary school, it makes hard for me to post my personal issues on Facebook. I am glad to come here.
During this week, I am in deep melancholy I have nothing done in my life up until age 39. Last 20 years of depression chewed my life plan away. Up until now, I failed to courses at university more than times due to this condition. I switch college a few times. After graduation, not able to get enough income to be independent, Now I feel guilty of myself like a burden on my aging parents.
After completing art university, I sometimes see my classmates' artworks at where they work for popular film studio. When I see it, I cry. I am not supposed to compare, but I feel I am nothing. When I worked at some animation company,
I worked as layout design and did ok during summer a few years ago, but supervisor told me "some studio don't give sh__ about this condition".
Since I had assumed this work is very stressful (yet enjoyable), I am teaching visual art as part time. My husband sometimes criticize how low pay I get.
Now I am scared of going to back to the film industry. And also feeling scared of nothing I had done.
Also I want to ask about the fear in mind, is it common for girls scared of getting old and worthless? I have had this fear since I was 16.
Thank You
tokyopiglet