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Depressed and tired of it

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Posted 10/31/2013 9:05 AM (GMT 0)
I've been dealing with depression/anxiety/not feeling well for a few years now, and i'm 21 now. Dealing with what I have for such a long time has pretty much cost me everything- a social life, the ability to enjoy life/live life to the
fullest, and just having a "normal" life for someone my age. I wake up every day and do nothing with my time,
except maybe go for a walk. I have been employed/in school in the past, but have not worked for over a year now and I was in school in September/October, however, I decided to drop out of this class because I could not concentrate or memorize anything, and I have been feeling especially physically sick off and on for the past few
months now, so I missed a lot of classes because I have not felt well (cold symptoms, fatigue, pain).

I have been waiting almost two months now to see a psychiatrist with no calls at all to let me know what is going on, and i'm starting to wonder if they are ever going to call. I also applied to see a new doctor (because my last doctor did not take my concerns, mental or physical health seriously or try to help- I left pretty much every appointment with no answers) about three weeks ago. At the end of August I also went to an organization that offers counseling. They said they would call back, but I never got a response from them either.  I am starting to feel very frustrated because I feel like I am always waiting with no answers and no help.


I have been seriously looking for help for my problems for over a year now, and I feel like i've been ignored and judged. I want to know what is wrong with me so that I can move forward with my life. I have had some very negative experiences with psychiatrists and other doctors where they have made assumptions about me or my circumstances, or have not been helpful, so I am very worried that I am going to end up going through the same thing again, which makes me even more depressed. I have even been so depressed over this, and the way my life has been also, that I have had very "sad" thoughts (the ideation kind). I have had a lot of these "sad" thoughts over the past few years because I have felt at times that things are not going to get any better, and that I will never be healthy or happy, or live a normal life or feel normal.

I've been looking into the possibility lately that I might have an autoimmune disorder or thyroid disorder. I have been thinking this because of how I feel physically and my physical symptoms are very similar to those of some autoimmune and thyroid disorders, however, there is no way for me to know this until I see a new doctor (it might take a long time because I already had a doctor but decided to change doctors, and they respond to people who do not have a doctor sooner) if they will even give me the tests that I want. It might not be this (it could be mental health problems of course) but I want to know for sure, just in case it is. I feel depressed because I struggle every day (I am always depressed no matter what) but I feel like i'm not being taken seriously. I'm just so tired of struggling and feeling inadequate all of the time.

I have also been very depressed and have had a lot of stress because a family member I live with has been very negative for months, and just never has anything good to say. Besides this, I also feel like they try to control my life and try to make decisions for me all of the time (they have even told me that I would be "completely lost without them", which is far from the truth, I would be perfectly happy to not see them as often). and I am getting very tired of this. Living with this family member makes me feel like I cannot make any major changes in my  life. I feel like being around them is preventing me from being happy and growing as a person, and so I want to move as soon as my health is better. I feel like i've been held back from living my life to the fullest my entire life, and for once I just want to know what it is like to be happy and to feel like I am free and have control over my own life. I'm sorry this post is so long. I'd appreciate any advice.

 

Posted 10/31/2013 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
anxious,

I have to suggestion that have helped me in the past.

Improve your diet, get ride of all sugars, soda and caffiene in your life. drink at least 64 ounces of water aday.

Eat healthier, knowing how what you eat effects you is importnant.

Peace
Trina
Posted 10/31/2013 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Have you called the doctor, or are you just waiting for them to call you? Make the call.
Posted 11/1/2013 9:27 AM (GMT 0)
BnotAfraid, thank you for the suggestion. I try to eat as healthy as I can, and I recently started taking
a multivitamin, which i'm hoping will help.


Myself 09, I have been waiting for them to call me, but I have tried to call them before with no answer
on the phone, but I am going to try to call tomorrow.

I am so frustrated because I feel like i'm being denied the right to get proper help. I had a really bad
experience with a psychiatrist (who I only met with 2 or 3 times) who told my GP that I didn't "participate
in the program" (the offered me cooking classes and other activities, but I told them I did not want to
go to these because that wasn't my purpose for being there and as an adult I feel like I have the right
to choose not to go, and it wasn't a condition of being there either, so what they said made no sense) and told the GP and another mental health location in a fax other very negative
things. They never asked me about my symptoms, only irrelevant questions like "if I was thinking about
family/starting a family" (i'm 21 years old with serious depression and anxiety- that isn't exactly something I think about often, to say the very least). They even asked me if I attended a school for
"people with disabilities" when I was actually upgrading for post-secondary education, which was really insulting for me to hear because I don't have any disabilities and I don't know why they even thought that, and if I had "ever been to high school". I just felt insulted the entire time I went to this place, every time I was there. Besides all the insults, they sometimes ignored my phone calls and sheduled appointments and then didn't show up. It was awful, and since then i've been trying to find help and haven't been able to. My GP ended up bringing the stuff up that the mental health organization told them and blamed me for it. My GP also refused to help me whenever I brought up medical concerns, so I decided to apply for a new GP. I'm also really hoping to get access to my medical records so I can see what that psychiatrist put there.

My biggest worry is that i'm going to go see a new psychiatrist or psychologist who is going to judge me again. I am also worried about being harassed about the issues with the psychiatrist (someone from the mental health organization I went to even brought this up on the phone, but I didn't address it and I wish I would have). I am worried that I am not even going to get a call back! I am also worried that when I see a new GP (or if I do) they will not take my concern of autoimmune or thyroid disorders seriously.
I just feel completely helpless right now. I have no one to talk to this about at all, and I just don't know if things will ever change. I have been going through the past few years feeling sick, tired, and so depressed, feeling hopeless about life, and struggling to find help. More than anything, when I get really sad thoughts, this is why I get them now. It sometimes takes away my motivation to live life at all.
I feel like i'm never going to be listed to, never going to be taken seriously, and I feel horrible about life.

Post Edited (anxious0813) : 11/1/2013 3:31:49 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 11/1/2013 9:36 AM (GMT 0)
anxious,

hang in there. Big as strong as you can and face the new doctors. They are just the same has you, but with different information. I always like to think of a doctors visit as an exchange of information.

Answers you are looking for are tough. But there are out there, keeping looking.

Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 11/1/2013 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you BnotAfraid.

I'm going to try not to let the things they said affect me. It just makes me so upset because i've been
in so many situations where i've felt judged, and not being able to see another psychologist/psychiatrist makes it
even worse. I might try going to a support group next week (it's a mood disorders support group).
I haven't gone because it's in another city and kind of difficult to get to, but I think I am going to try
going to the next meeting.

Post Edited (anxious0813) : 11/1/2013 5:24:43 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 11/4/2013 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
anxious0813

I relate to much of your experience and feelings. I did not get the psychiatric help I needed until I made a suicidal gesture, I hope you don't get that far. If that's what was meant by "sad" thoughts I'd suggest this information be relayed asap to the medical professional. This may be the hardest thing you do in your life.

Believe it or not, you aren't being judged, that's the anxiety and depression talking, but you won't see that until you look back on things, once the anxiety and depression has lifted. I'm speaking from experience my friend.

Wish you the best.
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