It's me again, Depression.

Hey AV,

I'm sorry your app got pushed back. Maybe it's worth telling them how you're doing so they can try to fit you in earlier or fit you in if there are any cancellations.

Do not let what your grandmother and sister said get to you. Why would she call you husband? I don't think she has any right to do that knowing what's happening.
You are right! You didn't do anything wrong by telling the people to tell her you're not there. If you are not ready to talk to her yet, don't. Sometimes we need a break from all the negativity to help us feel better. She doesn't sound like she's a positive help to you right now so maybe keeping a distance for now will be better for you.

Things will get better. Hang in there. Try to get some rest though. You need to take care of yourself. Please know that we are here for you.

UA

SENDING HEALING THOUGHTS YOUR WAY AV. KEEP STRONG. I HOPE YOU SEE YOUR DOC SOON. HERE FOR YOU.

THE HAPPY TURTLE.

I haven't spoken to either. I have to figure out the best way to handle Christmas. I want to give the kids as normal a Christmas as I can because of the upheaval in the rest of their lives right now.

I'm not going to speak to my grandmother until I'm ready. I don't like being forced into confrontations or talks. I think this was handled poorly by her and if she was worried then she went about it all the wrong way.

I'm afraid to tell my dr that it's an emergency. They could tell me to go to the hospital. I don't want to do that. They are supposed to let me know if there is a cancellation.

Pick you a day, talk it over with him. Make that day your special day with the kids. Keep things open incase you can't get definite plans. Either way it will be special.

Sometimes things don't work out for our convenience, so we just do the best we can. It will be good no matter what day it is.

Hugs, Karen...

I have the same thing with the grandkids. I have to go by what day is good for them. It isn't usually on Christmas, but it is always nice. I have to bend, but I wont break, and neither will you.

I'll try and make myself call the dr tomorrow. I just never know how to handle this. My anxiety is sky high from the drama and because the people I'm staying with have been arguing a lot. I'm kind of just hiding out. I could go to sick call but there's no garaubteed which dr I will see. I'm also not sure if it qualifies as a reason to go to sick call.

Just found out that I won't be receiving my disability payments until after the new year. Now I can't even do Christmas for my kids. I wanted to make it special but I can't even do that.

I feel like the worst parent. I can't even begin to say how upset I am. Every time I get my hopes up it all comes crashing down around me.

I'm sitting here, alone and miserable. My sister who can be so cruel is living the life I thought id have. The things I wanted I can't do because of health issues. I am such a waste. I want so much to be productive. I used to have plans and now all I can do is survive. What did I do to deserve all of this? I'm so tired of fighting so hard for everything to just continue to fall apart.

My kids deserve so much better. I'm beyond disgusted in myself. I am failing them at every turn.

We are taught that if you do what's right and are kind to people then things will be ok. Things have been so far from okay for so long that if it something good happens I instantly begin preparing for the bad to come. This isn't living. Every time I try to make things better something even worse happens. I hate myself so much for letting this all happen ; for putting my kids through hell.

and that so wasn't meant in a patronising way or anything, it's just I have a big family and lots of children in the family, so I do have a lot of understanding of what it is like.

AV,

I think it is time for you to regroup. And I know you can. You are staying stuck on the issue and it isn't as bad as it seems. Sure you can't celebrate with presents and stuff like you would like to. But it isn't the situation, it is how you cope... So dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and start all over again.

In life things so often don't go as we want. You gotta roll with it. Cheer up, it is the holidays, you don't want your kids to see you depressed, do you??? Put the big girl panties on and move on... Things do get better when we try. But not always in the time frame we would like. Getting the money later may end up being good for you. You may have something that you need or want it for. Be patient, it is all going to work out...

It is the joy and the spirit of Christmas, being with family and friends. You might not be able to be with certain members that you aren't getting along with, but you got your kids. Make some memories with them.

Hugs, Karen...

Hi, I know it's difficult..keep going for what you want, I hope everything works out the way that you want it to, even through the difficult times, my best wishes as always :)

HB

My estranged husband (not the kids dad) is going to help me by giving me money for Christmas presents for the kids. His mom brought me a tree and decorations. I'm a bit shocked by their kindness. My mother in law hasn't spoken to me in a while because she wanted her son to know that she will always support him.

My husband also said he wanted to see the lawyer I've hired for custody issues. He wants to make sure she really goes after the kids dad. He has kept track of everything he witnessed and says he wants to help.

I'm pretty sore today. I've been up on the knee too much according to the surgeon. Surgery will be soon, he's trying to squeeze me in before Christmas since I may not have my health insurance for long. He did give me pain pills but I've been trying to hold off on taking them. The kids are with my mother in law, she wanted to take them to get presents for their cousins. I have to say that after how hopeless I felt yesterday their kindness has really been a huge boost.

I've been in physical therapy since a week after surgery. They don't want me to perform certain actions because even with a screw in the joint it is too "loose". Aggravating it can cause it to pop out of joint again and I guess that's a big problem with all the hardware. The pain it causes now is definitely worth it. My shoulder used to pop out of joint so easily. I would wake up with it dislocated.