Depression- The Shadow

Depression is amazing to me. Lately, most days, it follows me like a shadow but it doesn't overtake me. Some days, the shadow merges into my body and takes over. And it can be done in a split second.

I woke up feeling ok today. Slept in, had a great night with family, goals for today, everything in order. My shadow followed me to the grocery store and merged into my body. I cried all the way home. Nothing happened, quick grocery store visit, didn't see anyone I knew which was a good thing since I looked like crap! When you live in a small town, and you teach in it, everywhere you go, you run I to people you know.

How does depression has this much power, control? I haven't missed any meds...like I said, it was going to be an ok day.

Even with meds, therapy, coping skills, why are we destined to be stuck with this illness forever? I thought about climbing back in bed and decided to wash the sheets instead! Lol I forced myself to take a bath and am now in the process of getting ready for the day. I'm hoping my day will turn around.

Thanks for letting me share-
Michele

Thanks for your replies ladies. It means a lot.

I'm just so freaking frustrated. If I'm going to cry, I want to know what I'm crying about. If I'm feeling down, I want to know why. Guess I'm a bit of a control freak.

I just want today to end so hopefully I can feel better tomorrow.

Hey Michele .....

   Is it really that important to know "why" you want to cry? What would it do for you to know? And if you knew why you were feeling down, would that be enough to keep you from feeling down?

   Unless you're "Wonder Woman" in disguise ..... I don't think so!

   I mentioned in the daily about Gizmo. If I lost him, it would come close to destroying me ... at least he is "my reason for being" now! The kids have long ago grown up.

   But, not mentioned in the daily was two of my cousins, in the last week, were diagnosed with lung cancer for one of them ... and metastisized melanoma for the other - which is feared has spread to the brain.

   And then there was someone who lost their fight last week against cancer - and also situations with my daughters - all on top of Gizmo feeling bad and me feeling helpless.

   Would it help me to know what made me cry early last week several times? Nope! But .... it did help to release alot of tension within. And that helped me feel better.

   So ....... let it fly baby! Let that tension out! Don't question it! And then - enjoy the release!

Rob & Gizmo