Don't know how to go on :/

I am so down and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've pushed away my family for years now and I'm too embarrassed about the state of my life to speak to them. I'm totally dedicated to my husband of four years but recently he can't even look at me he is cruel to me everyday and I understand I made a mistake but he will not let me move past it. I went to jail recently for my job and now I have to fight it in court, because of it I lost my job which was entirely supporting my family. Since then I managed to find a much lower paying job and my husband had to step up and make most of the income. I have tried to become the ideal wife doing everything I can to support him but he does not respect me for it, while I was working he knew I could be at risk for this everyday and now that it happened he totally hates me. I've lost most of my friends because I refuse to spend time with people who are judgmental of me it just brings me down and the rest were part of the reason I went to jail and I have to stay out of that life hoping it will help me in court. I think the thing that kills me the most since then is that court will be dragged out like once a month for a year and many people in my community judge me without knowing anything about the actual truth. I feel that I can't earn a place back I'm my husbands heart and I just want this to be over :/ there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I'm losing hope. Most days I just want to lay down and die.

Hello ........

   It sounds as though you have a bundle of problems, most of them related to an extent, that you aren't really describing. It's understandable if these things are making you feel miserable ... and you don't want to feel miserable.

   But .... it seems to me that you need a very close advocate - a person you can trust, so that you can describe all the details honestly and directly - and how they're making you feel!

   It sounds like a psychologist who works with talk therapy is someone you should be trying to find - and of course, one you can trust.

   When reading your post, it sounds so much like a collection of partial thoughts while you're holding back a lot of details. You should be able to discuss fully those details with a psychologist ... without the fear of any of the details having to come out in a trial ... if that's a fear!

   Wishing you some good luck

Rob & Gizmo