I feel like I can't cope, any more.

I'm just rambling here so please feel free to ignore!

I feel absolutely terrible right now. My insides feel like they're shaking and I feel sick, my chest hurts and is pounding and I feel like I'm going to break down and cry or go crazy!

I'm currently in work, on my break. My boss is getting sick of my forgetfulness and I can hear it in his voice and his passive-aggressive words that he's not pleased with me. I'm rubbish at my job. I can't learn anything because I'm forgetful. I'm looking for work but not hearing any responses. I know he's going to fire me so I'm trying to prepare. I'm easily expendable. There's a new person who's joined our team and everyone likes him. He's sociable and friendly. He's going to replace me and I don't blame them!

I'm sorry, I feel so stupid. It's my own fault I'm stupid and pathetic. I feel useless and I hate myself so much! I don't want to live like this.

Hello Angelic and thank you for posting.

Thank you, especially with regards to your last line. I don't know if I'm depressed, though. I think I'm just naturally pathetic, and I guess that can't be help because it's just me. I don't know...

I've been referred to a therapist and, just today, she rang and I've got my first appointment booked in with her on 24/04. I hope I'll be able to tell her everything that I've been feeling. Right now, I feel like I can't go on. I feel stuck and I'm worried about my work. I can't do the work. I'm asking for help and all I get is the boss' look of disappointment. I'm scared to ask for help, any more. I'm clearly not smart enough to work here. I don't want to go on. I feel like crying and yet I can't cry... I'm sorry, I'm being so weird again.

Please do see the therapist

              and try not to preconcieve what the therapist will think!

Also ..... seeing a therapist is not a one-time visit! Be as honest and direct as you can when you see her ... and remember, whatever you say to her is simply between the two of you!

   You might want to think about your job that:

1) it's not that your not smart enough for it.

2) it may be that you're in the wrong job for you.

3) it may be that the depression is too controling over you.

   And, I think it's real safe to say you have depression. And it can be improved if not controlled - by meds, as well as, meaningful discussions with a therapist.

Please write back here after you've seen the therapist!

Peace and wellness

Rob & Gizmo

 

Awe, don't be so hard on yourself. Your NOT stupid just because you can't remember doesn't mean your stupid. I have the worse memory in the word. I literally will have something in my hand one second and the next have absolutely no idea where it went. If it helps any, I too have to be reassured all the time. I think about how no one likes me, I over analyze everything, I'm a mess. I've driven pretty much all my friends away. I know my brother, uncle & husband are sick of me and my constant complaints. I feel for you, Janghwa, I really do. ((HUGS)) from one sufferer to another. I'm so sorry you have been cursed with a lot of the same things I have been cursed with. It really sucks.