Guilt beyond infinity

So, I remember last Mother's Day. I sat in church and wept for the relationship with my mom that was never going to happen. I didn't know if she was dead or alive. She just left two years earlier. I continued weeping the entire day about the void in my heart.

Fast forward to today. I'm so blessed beyond measure to be the mom of two wonderful kids. They make me smile everyday. Not a tear was shed today.

Then, as you know, mom pops back in my life yesterday, wanting to be a part of our lives. And I have no problem shutting her out of my life. I don't have a void in my heart anymore. It is filled with love and support from my friends.

In church today, a man spoke about family. How today was the day to let the past be the past. Reunite with family because family is all we have. While this man is speaking, my daughter looked at me. I couldn't tell if it was a "it's ok mom- you don't have to let her back in" look. Or if it was a "yeah mom, you need to forgive" look.

Needless to say guilt washed through my soul. I truly have no desire to let her back in. I've been emotionally abused so many times I've let her back into my life and heart. It's just not worth another try to me. I'm in such a good place- I don't need her in my life nor do I want her in my life.

The guilt I feel in no way makes me want to pick up the phone and call her.

My question is - how do you cope with the guilt?

Thanks Jamie! And what are you doing up? Lol

My Dear Michele,

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are in charge of your life and you are allowed to let whomever you want into it at whatever time you want. Take charge, toss that guilt out the window.

We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen...

Howdy Tex-Mex ........

   You do what Gary Busey would do!

   You talk to your guilt!

   You say ..... "hey guilt"

   "mosey on down the road"!

   "an .... keep on a-goin"!!!!

p.s. - ifin yeh don't watch many tv cumershals, jist pass dis one up!

R & G

 

Thanks everyone!!

Love you all!