the good you have done...and what i learned.

hi everyone,

i just wanted to say thank you to those who were so kind and thoughtful and helped me get thru the past week or two. wasn't sure i'd make it. but you let me be open and honest and listened and encouraged me to make it better. i am certainly not out of the woods yet, but i am certainly heading in the right direction.

i think that for me, there were several things that have helped. hopefully i will be able to put these things in a "crisis plan" that i'm gonna make up with my case worker. one of those things was to sort of shut down my brain, it's like i got to a point where i felt the light at the end of the tunnel just wasn't there, and i needed to push away all the thoughts in my head for a while, and find ways to distract (totally non judgmentally) just to survive. another thing was to continue to "talk" to people, even if only on the computer. being able to voice my feelings helped, and even more, hearing other people talk to me was helpful. i felt i was being heard and was reminded that i wasn't alone and that people cared. the encouragement to do little things helped too. like taking a shower, calling my doctor, or opening my blinds a little bit.

i guess i may have annoyed some people or been a pain in the butt, i certainly hope not, but if i did, i'm sorry. i know that writing everything that i did this past week really made me think....a lot! i learned a lot of things about myself and what's going on inside of me (sometimes you think you know what's wrong, but there's a lot more to it than you originally knew). instead of just thinking "i'm depressed" "i'm worthless" etc., i was thinking about why. i am now aware of some things that i need to work on, whether in therapy or with friends, or on my own.

because of help and support i got from the people on the forum, as well as putting in the effort to make things better, i am able to spend today with my mom. to make the day about her, not about me and my depression. yeah, i have quite a ways to go, but i'm doing better. i hope that as i continue to get better, i will be able to give back and help other people going thru depression.

again, thanks so much to everyone who has helped me survive these last few weeks. i really don't know what might have happened without you!


sincerely,

sunny.

I am glad you are feeling a little better, Sunny, and I hope you continue to slowly improve.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it was almost a relief to finally see somebody writing down the raw realities of depression for once. It's like when I go to the Crohn's board, I wanna read about people with Crohn's, not about people with a slightly dicky stomach. When I go to a depression board, I wanna read about people who have similar feelings to me. Since I feel like a dark and negative person myself, I don't mind reading dark and negative thoughts: it helps me to feel a little less alone, oddly enough.

But don't get me wrong; I absolutely don't want you to stay stuck in the hellhole of depression. I do hope you manage to get out of it and I have some (genuine) hope that you will.

I'm so glad you have support here on this forum, we all need help and support don't we. For years and years it wore me out trying to hide the depression and act like nothing was wrong so it's a relief to know others truly understand as they know how it feels.

Honestly, I could have written so many times about how for months and months (usually 6 month intervals when not on meds) I slept all day, was up all night so I didn't have to see daylight, that I cried all the time and had no hope but it always truly makes me so happy to read that someone is getting and feeling better as I know the torture of it all. I am a totally different person when severely depressed.

I hope you continue to feel better Sunny, big hugs....

Sunny, I hope today finds you breathing some fresh air and soaking up some sunshine.

Thought I'd check out this forum, and there you were. Please know that so many of us have been in the darkest depths as well. I imagine everyone has their own sort of hell. The last time I was in your mindset, thank goodness my primary put me on Cymbalta (now at 120 mg per day). It has made a huge difference, although it might not suit other folks.

I'm sooooo sorry about your kitty. Very heartbreaking. My critters have kept me afloat numerous times. I recently lost two pooches within four months of each other, and that was devastating.

You have oodles of caring support, Sunny. Me included.

Jan

Sunny,

You sound better. I am happy for that.

I hope your appointment goes well. Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen...

saw my psychiatrist. i agreed with her when she said she thought i am hypomanic (my official dx is bipolar type II). i have been doing some things that are a bit irresponsible, impulsive, and very strange. lots more to it, but she was right. so we increased my lithium and sleep meds. unsure if the severe depression followed immediately by the hypomania was caused by stress or possibly a med change. either way, we are trying to get me back on track before things get worse.

GI stuff: talked my doc into letting me quit one med, which wasn't doing anything. they are letting me try out a general diet again, obviously watching out for foods that my body doesn't like. got an appt with the doc next friday to see where things are at and where to go from here. excited but nervous.

gotta run. talk to you all later. thanks for the continued support.