HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

new and feeling like a burden to everyone around me

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 5/20/2014 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi :) my name is lostinthedark94 and I'm new here. I just found this while looking for help on how to cope with feeling like a burden to everyone around me. I read one of the threads and this seemed like a supportive place.

Just wanted to thank you for allowing me to join and hope I can help support other people and get support myself :)

I'm nineteen years old and I grew up with an emotionally abusive father and a codependent mother. My father when I was younger tended to call me names, put me down and every single little mistake was criticised. I tended to cry a lot when he yelled at me or pointed out my mistakes. My mother mostly didn't do anything to stop him though she would sometimes tell him to leave me alone.

Though there were times where even my mother yelled at me. Yet it was mostly my father that did.

I have done some counselling at my university and have gotten some help from people at my university who helped me get some grant money to help with rent for the first couple of months of me moving out. I'll be moving out soon.

I feel that I feel so sad all the time. I feel that i can never do anything right and feel like I cause too many problems for others. I just feel like a total burden. Im the type that can help others but I don't allow them to help me since i don't want to burden them with my problems. I just want to make others happy and to avoid causing any problems. Anytime there are problems I only fully blame myself for them and feel like a burden.

I admit i feel like at times I cause too many problems and that if people stayed away from me they would be ok. I learned that it was only me that caused problems and that everyone else is perfect and knows all the right things to do.

I'm moving out soon since its just too much for me to live in an emotionally abusive home and i feel its only draining a lot out of me.

Just wanted to ask if anyone else has ever felt this way and what helped them to cope best with feeling like a burden and feeling like you can't do anything right.

I can pretend everything is ok but for me it never does feel ok. It always just feels so dark inside and that I just can't do anything right to please other people or stop hurting them...

I'm sorry if this posts seems too dark or if it hurts anyone...I'm just looking for some support...

Thank you for hearing me out and hope you guys will have a great day today :)
Posted 5/20/2014 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dark,

Welcome to the depression forum. I think things are going to be alright when you move out. Take things slow at first. It will be a huge change, but hopefully a good one. Keep priorities straight. Do hook up with a counselor... You are going to be fine...

Keep posting and have a good day!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 5/21/2014 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
Welcone LITD,

You will not be lost for ever. The darkness comes and goes with depression. If you do not have a "tool box" of coping skills I urge you to build one. there is a thread on skills now you can check out and also a link on the RESOURCE thread at the top of the forum.

First thing you need to start believing is that none of what your parents did was your fault. It was about them and their stuff.

Look up self-compassion and find some resources that will work for you. Try hard to work with this, it takes time and energy, you can do it though. It is less work than suppressing your feelings.

Keep posting we are here to support and listen the best we know how.

Peace
Trina
Posted 5/21/2014 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

I read your post and it took me back to myself at your age, my father was also very abusive, emotionally and sometimes physically, called us all kinds of names, we were no good, never going to be anything...on and on, my mother worked nights at the hospital and I didn't tell her what was going on until I was 20 and gone from the house for 2 years.

It is very, very good you are moving out, I actually moved 2000 miles to get away. I was a very, very sad person all the time, pretended to be okay but I was dying inside, I also cried a lot.

I will say pretending everything is okay is so exhausting, I found therapy to be a life saver but still had to work hard myself, I think keeping in therapy will be good for you.

When you say you feel like a burden (you're not by the way :) and feel you can't do anything right, I felt the same exact way and I am sure it's from the abuse, being put down etc it really does a number on your head.

I too was a people pleaser, just wanted everything to be peaceful and actually I went way over board with it, even if someone was so mean to me I could not stick up for myself, just smiled and changed the subject so they'd stop and I wouldn't be the "bad" one, the one who started trouble..at the time it was a whacky way of thinking, I didn't start anything but felt bad anyway and thought it was always me, again that's from the abuse, we just want peace now.

Nobody is perfect but again I know what you mean, I always thought everyone had their act together, why couldn't I be like them, the truth is everyone has problems.

You deserve such happiness and peace, you're not a burden to anyone, please know that.

Moving out is the very best thing to do, therapy if you can and go on with your life, do things you love to do, go for a career you are going to enjoy and try not to over think things as I always did, worrying all the time if someone liked me, was I doing something wrong, so much time can be wasted doing these things and no one is thinking anything, they are just going on with their lives!

Coming from an abusive household can follow you, and it can sit on your shoulders for years and years, when I was 25 years old I let my father go, just remember saying to myself I'm not going to let him get to me (and I never saw him) and ruin my life.

Don't mean to go on about myself, just mentioned all this as I want you to know I was where you are now and I really feel for you and want you to have a happy and productive life because I know you can.

Relax...focus on what you have to do, it takes time but can be done:)

I wish such happiness for you, sending you many hugs, please look after yourself and know you are a wonderful person who many people would love to know, peace.....
Posted 5/29/2014 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi :)

Just wanted to thank everyone for replying to my post :) it means a lot to me :)

Thank you all for welcoming me and for sharing some stories and advice with me. I really appreciate it :)
Posted 5/30/2014 11:35 AM (GMT 0)
hi lostinthedark,

i'm very familiar with feeling like a burden. i have had to ask many people for support. except for one or two, everyone was willing to help - either to listen or to pray for me. their support means a lot to me. i feel as though they are cheering me on. and they don't seem to get tired of being supportive.

what i would say to you is, look for those people around you who seem kind and interested. test the waters a little and let them know you are down and ask if you can talk with them about it. you will discover that most people are willing to at least listen. some people just don't "get it" about depression. those people you have to let go of. the others, the supportive ones, are the ones you can check in with. most of the things we are embarrassed about, or ashamed about, in terms of depressed feelings and thoughts, are not nearly as bad as we think, and once we talk about them it diminishes their strength.

the counseling at your university is an excellent resource. continue to see them as much as you can.

i wish you peace!

love, rich
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply