Feeling like it's all too much

I haven't felt the need to post on here in a very long time, but recently I feel as if everything is smothering me and it's just too much and I'm finding it so hard to cope and keep going.

I started university, and I feel completely alone and out of my depth. I have never felt so lonely and afraid, and it's making everyday a struggle as I'm becoming more and more miserable. I also had a termination as I physically could not carry on with the pregnancy (see below), and I feel so terrible and guilty and alone about it.

My long term boyfriend and I recently had a break, as he chose to end it with me a week after finding out I was pregnant. I had to deal with the pregnancy alone whilst he was out with other girls every night. I had to deal with the pregnancy alone and then the termination alone, as well as feeling betrayed and unwanted. I feel terrible and guilty and self concious. My boyfriend and I are now back together, and he can't be more apologetic- but I'm finding it hard to trust him and the hurt he caused me is still eating me alive every single day.

I can't stand myself. I look in the mirror and I feel repulsed. I can't stand my appearance or the person I actually am on the inside. Every day is getting harder and harder and I just don't know what to do. I don't know how long I can cope for.

many healing thoughts i send,