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Posted 10/13/2014 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Everybody!
A quick bit about me: I'm 50 and have been on ADs since 1992. I was diagnosed back then with clinical depression, panic disorder, and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I have been on SSI since 1994. There's a whole LOT more to my story but I won't go into the big mess!
Anyhow, this has been a rough year for me thus far. After 8 years, the Paxil seemed to start pooping out, so I was switched to effexor. It helped my anxiety, but changed my personality into an angry one! So I was changed again to Prozac, which is where I am now, at 80mg a day, along with 600 mg of gabapentin 2x a day and buspar 30 mg 2x a day.
My GAD is my worst problem. But now I am dealing with menopause too and I think it is affecting my anxiety AND depression levels for the worse! My mental health clinic will not prescribe benzos for anxiety and my anxiety makes my depression worse as does my menopausal symptoms. Then I'm stuck in a vicious cycle!
It's hard enough to live with as it is, but I live with my Mom (always have) and she has health problems and needs me and I try to be strong for her too. She knows I have these problems and she tries to be supportive, but I don't want to be a constant drain on her...
I feel like sinking into a heap on the floor and crying my eyes out, but it does no good at all. I still feel bad. Nothing changes. I am afraid.
janet
Posted 10/13/2014 6:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Janet,

Welcome to the depression forum... Do you have a therapist? They really can help at a time like this.

It sounds like maybe you have stress in your life. Make sure you make some time for yourself too. Just to relax...

Menopause can throw us for a loop. Mine was rather easy though. But I had fibromyalgia and my attention was on that I think... That was when I first got it. It is under much better control now.

I have to mention that the sun just came out. It has been cloudy all day. Makes me want to go outside...

Try to take things one day at a time. Maybe not all days will be filled with depression and anxiety. Remember your breathing when things get tough.

Maybe there are some herbs or supplements that you can take for the menopause. Can you talk to your doctor about that? I hope that the Prozac works well for you. How long have you been on it?

I hope your day gets better...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 10/13/2014 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the depression forum Janet!

I am a big fan of mindfulness. It is a coping skill I use daily to keep myself calm and it does help with the depression. I am 53 so I am pretty sure I know how you feel at times.

Sure I have my dark times, just went through about 18 days of a whopper. However, I remained safe and functional. very proud!

If you don't know about mindfulness. check out www.mindful.org
lots of great stuff at this site. There is even some blogs here at HW about it.

Takes some time to get in the swing, but it is helpful and rather easy after a while.

Peace and strength!
Trina
Posted 10/13/2014 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Janet! I'm on both forums :-)

I remember you've been hesitant to see a therapist bc of past issues but is it something you could possibly reconsider? I know you've had a lot go on in your life but frankly, we all have. Both Trina & Karen can attest to that. You're not in-fixable or un-treatable. And if you don't want to dig into your past hurts, you don't have to. You could go easy & just learn coping skills like changing what you say to yourself. I'm learning that now- how to change around my "stinking thinking." Im the queen of it!

Is there a counselor at your Kingdom Hall that helps members? What about the clinic you go to, would you try a referral from there?

Please come here anytime you need to talk or vent. Many of us pop back & forth between the 2 forums as some of us are "blessed" w/both anxiety & depression lol. Actually most of us I'd say.

Sending you hugs Janet!
Lisa
Posted 10/13/2014 8:20 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the replies!
I am taking supplements and believe they are beneficial for me! And I will check into the info about the mindfulness.
As for a therapist, I think not. I feel that the therapists at the clinic are sub-par, just going by past experience. I don't recall a single one ever trying to help me deal with the anxiety except the first one did try to help me learn to get myself into a "happy place". I NEVER mastered that, although I tried and tried!
For the most part, therapy was talk, talk, talk. Pick at scabs. Dredge up pain.
The clinic is best for medical management.
Thanks for letting me come here to talk. I know all here have their own burdens to bear as well!!
HUGS to you ALL!
janet
Posted 10/13/2014 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
If you don't want to go to therapy, try "Moodgym" it is in the resource thread. It has helped many who couldn't get a therapist.

Mindfulness really helps, and it will bring you to the happy place. So mindful.org is a good place to go...

My therapist talks about whatever I want to talk about. Be it the past (which I think I have dealt with) the present or the future. Depression or anxiety. Maybe you didn't have the right therapy in the past. CBT and DBT are both helpful. Look them up on the internet and see what you think.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 10/14/2014 10:55 AM (GMT 0)
sending many healing thoughts your way.
Posted 10/14/2014 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
HI Janet,

I don't want to push therapy on you, it isn't for everyone. It may not be the time for you.

However, I was talking to a priest the other day about my therapy and he noted that until we face the hard truths in our pasts and process them we can not really heal and move forward.

This hit home for me, so I wanted to share it.

Do what feels good for your soul at this time.

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 10/14/2014 8:12 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry my friend. I like what Trina said, if you feel that therapy is something that would bring you peace, you should try. Sometimes just talking helps so much. I am glad you are there for your mom and that she tries to understand. Blessings!
Posted 10/14/2014 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Janet...I understand what you're going through.  I personally could not take Prozac.  That was my first experience with rage-inducing medication.  My doctor quickly changed me to Zoloft, which I continue 15+ years later.  Having said that, remember that no one med affects individuals in the same way.  It takes some time to find the right one that works with your body chemistry.

Therapy was a lifesaver for me, in conjunction with the AD.  I don't think that the med alone would have been sufficient, with my issues.

Hugs~~Dixie

Posted 10/15/2014 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for everyone's input!
I still feel that therapy is not for me. I did it for years and I have no desire to do it again. In my case, you can dig up a corpse, but you can't resurrect the dead.
I am supposed to go back to my NP on 11/3. I think I will ask her if some other AD might be a better option for me? I am managing to not go over the edge completely, but I still get that unsettling feeling like there's "a snake in the room". That's how I explain it to my Mom. Think how you'd feel if you knew there was a rattlesnake in the room, but you didn't know where he was exactly. Now try to act as if everything is fine. That's what I have to do a lot of the time. I feel like breaking down and crying and feel so anxious, but I just try to keep on acting "normal".
Yes, I think I need more help with the anxiety for sure!
janet
Posted 10/15/2014 1:30 AM (GMT 0)
sounds like you would be better on zoloft . 80 mg of prozac is a high dose and its a very strong ssri. zoloft is much less intence. but we all respond to meds in diff ways. your analogy about the rattlesnake in the room is priceless. exactly how most of us feel in a bad spell.
Posted 10/15/2014 3:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, Super!
My first AD was zoloft. I was on it for 12 years! It was great until it "pooped out"! Then I was on Paxil for 8 years....
janet
Posted 10/15/2014 7:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Janet...It could be worse, if you were like me and MY mom.  SHE is the SNAKE in the room, always ready to strike.  skull   If you and your mom can live together, I salute you!?!

I can somewhat agree with your feelings toward therapy.  If handled the wrong way, it can leave a bad taste in your mouth.  It can also teach you techniques, coping skills and most importantly, an alternate way of viewing the world and the people in it.  I think we all CRAVE that magic pill that will make it all "go away".  It doesn't exist, believe me.  I often feel like that corpse you mentioned...I'm dead inside, just waiting for the dirt to be thrown.  I have to kick my way out of that and tell myself "it's a rut" not a grave...dust it off and try to move forward.

If you took Zoloft and it worked years ago, perhaps your body will respond after the lengthy "break" from it.

Hugs~~Dixie

P.S.  I just had a "duh" moment accidentally "clicked" something that changed my font style.  I prefer this "magical" font discovery, but have NO CLUE as to how I achieved it.  Can someone advise?

Posted 10/15/2014 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
Do you mean the bold type?
Posted 10/15/2014 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
No, no...I know how to get the bold type.  Sorry I was confusing by putting my question in "bold".  That was just for asking the question.

My actual font style changed to a larger, more readable style.  I'm learning a new device, so it could definitely be a case of "user failure"...

Thanks~~Dixie

Posted 10/18/2014 1:16 AM (GMT 0)
yes janet it pooped out on me too after 6 years. but the 6 years were very good and nearly symptom free. mabey a lower dose of prozac will work for you. there are lots of new meds nowadays. just finding the right one and dose takes time
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