grief and fear after separation

despite being educated and attractive, i am a puddle of tears (for months now) over marriage separation. almost 50, have been a full time mom for 15 years. not a lot of employers knocking at my door. husband seriously attached to new partner. Two kids at home with me. Many days I weep in front of my kids. Feel extremely alone. Have a therapist, she is trying to get me to be okay with myself when I am all by myself. I tend to drift into self-blame and self-loathing when my mind has time to drift.

Looking for conversation and a little connection here. Thanks

Hi!!

My name is Michele. Welcome to HW! You have found a great place to get support.

I went through a divorce last year. Sadly, it was my second. I have two kids, 17 and 18. How old are your kids?

You and I many tie for the self blame game. When my marriage started falling apart, I just knew it was because of me. I wasn't a good enough wife. I was a good enough house keeper or cook. I got stuck in a whirlwind of self blame. For me, it took counseling, medication, and CBT to help reframe my mind. I did have some blame in our divorce but so did he.

I've done well within the last year trying to stay in the moment and not blame myself. Last week though, I slipped. I had an incident with my son and I played the game for 4 days. I made an emergency counseling appt and it only took one session for me to slap myself back into reality.

It took baby steps to get where I am today. And you can too!!!

Find one thing that gives you confidence. Cooking, being a mom, being a good athlete, whatever it is and concentrate on that. We have to learn to love ourselves so we can gain confidence.

My thoughts are with you. Please come back and visit!

I work two jobs and last week started tutoring a high school girl in math. What are you interested in? I know it's important for you to find a job to survive. If it's not your dream job, make a plan to get there.

Welcome to the forum.

Tough spot you are in now.

You can make it through, know it is not your fault. It takes two people to make or break a relationship.

So glad to hear you are seeing a therapist, ask about CBT, it is a coping skill to reverse negative thought patterns. Mindfulness is also a good thing to practice for yourself.

You have received some very good support already. Keep posting, we are all here for you, to listen and support the best we can.
Peace
Trina

Hello Musikana,

I am very sorry for this hardship. I can relate to the feeling lonely and guilt and even the marriage not working. I am a 29 year old twice divorced and single mom. It is very hard to cope with this new role and I do understand about work also. I know this is hard right now and this may not hit home for a little bit , but please try to hear me..

This is NOT your fault, there had to be a reason behind the wanting a divorce.
Friends may not understand, but just take comfort that they try to be there for you.
Your children are hurting and I know that you know this, stay close with them, it does help.
Make sure you carve out YOU time, thinking of where you have "gone wrong" all of the time does no one any good.
Crying is a soul healing release, let the tears flow and then dry up and go on, This on is very hard for me.
Keep busy, with two kids and a house and friends and even here and other family it is hard at first but soon will be easier to stay busy.

I tell you these things not to take any feelings away from you or to make it sound as if I am rude, please I do not mean to sound this way, I say these things as a way to help. This is a hard road and while a slow moving one it is not impossible to travel and you are never really alone.