Self loathing and alone

My name is David,I am 25 years old. I'm the youngest of three and the only boy. All of my life growing up I had a distance father and a mother who told me quite often that I was stupid,worthless and will need someone to take care of me. My eldest sister never gave a darn about me,besides when she wanted to join in on my mother's put downs. I've been alone most of my life, I've never really had any friends or girlfriends. When ever I have tried to talk about my feelings to someone it almost instantly changes to the other persons problems and how I hqve the ideal,picture perfect life. Ive never once had anyone really give a darn about me,ontop of having next to no self-esteem and self loathing. I have thought of suicide many,many times during my life and even though i have not I always ask myself who would notice or care ? I have had people claim to care about me,but when I needed them the most they were never around or just ignored me.I also have been told many times it will get better,but it never did it only has gotten worse. I have nobody to talk to,nobody to turn to not even somebody to just hold me. This isolation and lonliness is slowly killing me inside and yet nobody gives a darn nobody wants me and if I died tomorrow no one would notice

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 2/4/2015 7:17:57 PM (GMT-7)

Hello David,
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. BeNot gave you some great advice. I really hope you will make that appointment with your primary care tomorrow.
The world can be a very dark and sad place but you found this place. This forum provides awesome support and information. Obviously we cant physically hug you but you are with friends now, and we would if we could.
Do you have a job? go to school? Tell us more about the things you enjoy in your life. Maybe you like to cook, or work on puzzles? You will be amazed at the folks here. They have skills and interests in every area.
Stay in touch,

Hi David,

Welcome to the forum...

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

Welcome David,

Lot's of cyber hugs to you! (((((David))))) I am so sorry to hear that you didn't have a nurturing childhood. That's not easy to overcome but it is possible. You can read Viking runes!? Amazing! Have you read The Princes of Ireland books? I enjoyed them very much. I prefer 'historical fiction', one gets to learn some history through characters that make it enjoyable! So glad you came to 'hang out' with us!

Welcome David, you are not alone anymore. You found a place full of love and support, keep on posting!!

HUGS!!

David,
You sound like my youngest boy....he is into the celtic history mythos & culture too. Self taught with Rune stones, that shows skill and determination.

We are a big history family. We watched a program on Peru tonight, a bunch of guys looking for a lost city in the jungle. I don't recall the city name though. I would rather watch others hack their way through a mosquito/hornet/puma/llama infested jungle then try it myself.

You say you don't like your job..what is it? What do you do? Are there other options in your area? I guess you live with mom and sister? Or are interacting often as you said they are negative towards you. Do you have friends? IRL friends?

Most importantly: Did you call your primary to set an appointment? We might be able to cheer you up for a few minutes but I really think you should seek medical care. I worry about you.

Dude! Ok so number 1 get rid of all the Loki in your life don't fall for the tricks. What you need to do what I did I was such a depressed teen and dived in d&d ( before computer versions , we used paper Pens books sometime fists ) and your passions are the same as mine could totally rap with you all day. Are you a Tolkien fan ? What do think of the Arthurian myths? My personal fav < the real ones not Walt Disney < so hey come in here anything we will shoot the runes around solve a few mysteries maybe / and hey I have been through it tried the suicide thing didn't work no help either guess what I AM SUPPOSED to be here. So are you. I'm sorry you have a family who are (. ) I edited for content. But really this is what happened to you. Picture it like a dump truck driving around town and it gets full of trash so it just dumps it's trash on you! What are you Gonna do? You going to climb out from
underneath OTHER peoples trash! They dumped and dumped and dumped. It's not your burden to bear. So take and separate what you can fix and what you can't. Come on Beowulf you can swim !
Don't be a stranger

I dont live with my family,im on my own in an apartment.where i live there isnt many jobs so took what i could get. Sadly it isnt a glamorous job but it is a job. I will admit im hesitant to see a doctor/therapist because i did go through all that when I was a teenager and they just dumped every pill they could think of down my throat,all it did was make me worse I think I was just a lab rat for them,most of the pills i was on now are labeled not for people under eighteen. I was either like a zombie or just violent and angry for no reason even got so bad I picked up my desk in school and threw it at my teacher.

David how are you today. ?

Ok that's a start. what's on your mind right now? Tell me your favorite Celtic myth.

David you know you can reach out to people on here for comfort. I hope you find someone in your area that you can also talk with. It will help so much.

Ok. So what did you think of the new episode of supernatural? I love the fairy tales? You like mythology you posted there IS a reason I'm asking you. If myths are all equal to you then that's a start. I feel like piglet trying to get Eore to splash in puddles here. You need to move out of an area where people bless them selves without at least sneezing first.
Then you will be able to feel safe enough to seek help. Seriously David my oldest son is your age I worry for you kiddo.
And seriously anyone who tells you that you are going to Hell has never read the bible because ... Only God can make that call and he made you unique and to his specs so idk who these people are but they are ignorant . My opinion that's all

Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 2/7/2015 11:01:06 PM (GMT-7)

Yes it was known at one time as Yule. ( we still have Yule logs lol) and an early pope sorry I forget the name who instituted that the feast to celebrate Christ's birth be held around the same time of year ( winter solstice ie the birth of the sun ) megatrons interrogation was 2 episodes back since then Charlie has returned from Oz and has a split personality and the latest one was a play on hansel and Gretal where temporarily Dean finds a way to get rid of the mark of Cain but in good ol dean fashion sacrifices his future to kill a bad guy. Crowley mother is going to bring trouble by the hints not like she wasn't there to do just that. Tho.

If you like mythology i was wondering if you have read any of Rick Riordan's works? NOT the stupid movies. The books.

Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 2/8/2015 4:20:11 PM (GMT-7)