HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Feel numb all the time

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 3/30/2015 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
For about 4 months now, I've been going through some kind of weird depression that comes with feeling numb all the time. The only emotion I feel capable of right now seems to be anger, and it's frightening. I guess I am also capable of worrying because my thoughts are spiraling into things like "What if I'm going crazy" or because I am angry sometimes "What if I'm turning into a monster? What if I hurt someone?". I have never felt like this, ever. Reality for me used to feel...real? I didn't give things much thought before. I just kind of woke up every day and went about my day feeling fine and dandy. But lately I just feel disconnected from everything. And the longer it goes on the more upset I become by it. I was a relatively happy person before all this happened. I would go talk to someone about this except I feel like I'm here because of my previous therapist. I never had "triggers" or felt this way until I started working with her and felt like I was being judged and like she was trying to change me or push me to talk about topics I didn't feel I needed to talk about. I just don't get this. And then I get scared that maybe I need to go check myself in somewhere but that seems a bit extreme. I don't hear voices or see things or have impulses just... Feel like my spirit is gone, and I'm upset that I can't just go about my day without being in my head the whole time. It's like I am just narrating my whole life right now. I hate this. :|
Posted 3/30/2015 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
You sound like you might be suffering a bit of Depersonalization-derealization disorder. Here is a good explanation on mayo website I'll post the link for you. See if that makes any sense to you, if you relate.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20033401

*******************************************************
Fibromyalgia, COPD, Bipolar II, GAD, sleep apnea, arthralgia, insomnia, paresthesia-bilateral feet, degenerative disc disease, diastolic dysfunction, GERD, Hypertension, lumbar disc disease, urinary incontinence, Peripheral neuropathy, Bells Palsy
Posted 3/30/2015 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

AngelLisa has a good point. Depersonalization isn't fun. So do check out the site...

I am sorry you got a bad therapist. Just because one didn't work good, doesn't mean another one wont. I would talk to another one before you give up with them all together. Please, do it for you. Maybe a psychiatrist would help too.

Don't think of yourself as a bad person just because you have these thoughts and feelings. It is the disease. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 3/30/2015 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
It's just that she left such a bad impression on me that I feel like the mental health system is a joke. I feel paranoid about going to another one. My last one would do these weird "tests" to see how I would react and all it did was make me feel incredibly anxious and unsure of what was happening. Upon reflection, I really just feel ashamed for not listening to myself when the alarm started going off inside early on. I kept thinking it was me with the problem, but, I don't feel like it's normal to come out of it feeling worse than when I went in. I never had this depersonalization thing before, just some normal worries about my life, all of which she would just give some cliché statement to or would pretty much dismiss it entirely. She seemed more interested in pressing my buttons to see what makes me tick, and our last session she pressed them all and then some. The last thing she said to me, after we talked a little about my fear of death (I almost died a couple years ago), was to talk to my husband about power of attorney incase one of our physical and mental health declined. I MEAN WHO DOES THAT. Is that supposed to make me feel BETTER? Maybe I just took it the wrong way but I've been freaking out since, wondering if I'm going crazy or if I'll become schizophrenic or something.
Posted 3/30/2015 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
I would seriously talk to a psychiatrist and get a proper diagnosis. See what you are dealing with. If it is depersonalization, they can help you.

I don't think you are crazy, but a bad therapist can make you feel that way. Maybe she was over zealous or something. But I think it would make me uncomfortable too.

Hang in there. Know you have us to let you know you aren't alone. Take it one day at a time...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 3/30/2015 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
She can't even prescribe medication but she pushed that a lot even though I said from the start that I would prefer not to take medication (I didn't think it was necessary). Over time, I think she started to push my buttons more as an attempt to get me to take the medication, and later on I felt like she was purposely not helping me anymore because I wouldn't take the meds. Then it escalated to her telling me to go to an intensive outpatient program for trying to set up an appointment to talk to her about something that had happened to me while on vacation, and then finally I just broke it off after that last session. I simply do not understand what the hell happened but I am furious about it. I'm trying so hard to keep cool but most days I'm just so angry and whatever this detached feeling makes it so much worse. :\

It's gotten a little better this month I guess. I've been sleeping/eating more anyway and trying to get back on track with my life but, I dunno. I get scared the longer this goes on and I just keep thinking about that power of attorney thing she said. And then the cycle just keeps repeating. Ugh. There should be stricter requirements for someone going into the field of messing with someones head.
Posted 3/30/2015 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
That is for sure. But people can act differently when not with the patient. I think you should try not to think about her and work on finding out what is going on. If you do have depersonalization you need to address it. The sooner the better actually. It could just be from being around her. I don't know...

Anyhow, I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 3/30/2015 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Re: No feeling...After years of being "successful" and the "motivational guy" I resorted to self affirmation to pick me up.
Three years ago I couldn't do it any more because I no longer believed it. I crashed and with drew from everything and everyone. For the first year I was really emotional crying all the time (real manly!). I went for help and the meds started.
For the past year and a half I have had absolutely no emotions- nothing. No love for others or love from others. Recently at my mother's funeral no feeling or emotion. All this just leads me to more guilt and despondent. I think of myself only in negatives, of no worth.
I don't want to bring anyone down, but has anyone experienced this complete opposite ends of the emotional spectrum? Have you found anything that helps? Meds and therapists haven't done much for me. Thanks.
Posted 3/30/2015 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry about your situation T55,

There are other threads about depersonalization I just remembered. SeanBigShow posted them a while back. You can look up his name on the search above and it will take you to his profile. With that, you can find some of his posts.

I hope you find help for what you are going through. Keep posting and welcome to the forum.

Hugs, Karen...
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply