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Back Again - Downward Spiral

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Posted 6/16/2015 2:12 AM (GMT 0)
So my relationship ended today. It has been going down for a while. Less and less communication. I went to the psych doctor today to be sure I had meds on hand. She also suggested getting back on this forum and back to therapy. Ironically when I got home we broke up. I am again devastated but not as bad as before. However, I need to do everything she suggested and then some


I am constantly crying. I took the klonopin and she added brintellix. Klonopin should make me sleepy and I read that brintellix makes you emotionless. I wish one or both of those things would kick in. I feel really bad. Alone and all.

I don't want this to get as bad as before. It was very bad. I had finally gotten past it. Wasn't even on my medicine. Psych doc said that's a mistake. Disease of the brain - did a comparison to diabetes. You can do things to feel better but if you stop them you go right back to an unwanted situation.

So that means I will be on some medicine for the rest of my life. I'm a little sad about that too.

My insides are shakey, I feel very anxious.i wonder if I should call her back tomorrow. Or go a few days with the medicines. I also have well but in 300mg for the morning.

I am sooooo sad. When is sleep coming.

I wanted to work it out with my partner she said she had tried but doesn't think it will work. Unwilling to try anything else. So here I lay, an emotional wreck.

Oh well. One day these relationships won't affect me like this. I hope


Until later. Wishing everyone well.
Stillme
Posted 6/16/2015 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry for what you are going thru. I am also someone who will be taking meds for the rest of my life. But that's better than the alternative. I do hope your meds kick in and you can rest.
Posted 6/16/2015 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry stillme but relationships are difficult and come with no guarantee.i have to take medications for rest of life and a difficult situation and relationship started it all and I feel bitter and sad about it.
brintellix is a fairly new drug and I was on it for a while ,it can control your weeping but for some reason did not work for me.
My doc loves it a lot .Sleep is very important and anxiety can keep you up.
I had sleepless nights and still struggling to find right meds.
Talk here and follow up .Try to distract by doing something for yourself ,it can be a short walk or painting your nails or talking here.
We understand.I am still trying to cope and taking it one day a time.
Posted 6/16/2015 6:47 AM (GMT 0)
keep talking with your doc. maybe some counselling will help at this time. healing thoughts.
Posted 6/16/2015 7:11 AM (GMT 0)
Went to sleep after 11. Up again about 2:15. Tried to go back to sleep. Nothing.

Cilly, it was another relationship that got me in a bad place in 2011.

Was too afraid to date for a while. Was in this relationship almost 2 years. I'm hurting a lot, but I have been depressed in the relationship for a while. Communication, not being able to see her as much as I would like. I will try to focus on this being for the best. Very hard right now.

Thanks all. Needing you much.
Posted 6/16/2015 8:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Stillme,

Try to learn some meditation and mindfulness, this can help a lot with sleep. I went off of sleeping pills and now I meditate to fall asleep. For someone who will also be on medication the rest of their life, the meditation is a refreshing relief...

I wish you the best and remember, time heals...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/16/2015 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Can't stop crying. Took all of the medicine. Klonopin, Brintellix at night 300 MG wellbutrin today. Couldn't sleep. Trying to see therapist. Sent email to psych, not even sure if it is still her email. So incredibly sad.
Posted 6/16/2015 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Contact either your therapist's practice, a local mental health association, or even your PCP. Ask about an emergency session for coping techniques.
Posted 6/16/2015 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
I was able to get an appointment. Someone cancelled. I'm glad. However now I have to tell my whole story to someone else. Had been going to old therapist since 2011. I will have psych send over my file.

Sooooo sad.
Posted 6/17/2015 7:29 AM (GMT 0)
Well I fell asleep around 11. Back up at 3. 30 minutes more sleep than last night. I want to sleep. These thoughts won't stop.

I guess I could journal. That's what the new therapist has me doing. I like her. She was very laid back and I was comfortable talking to her.

Hope I can sleep. Didn't cry as much last night, but constantly feel on the verge. Hold it in though.
Posted 6/17/2015 11:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hope you got some sleep Stillme, Journaling is good. I hope that it helped...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/17/2015 1:28 PM (GMT 0)
Sitting here at work. Feel like I'm about to lose it.
Posted 6/17/2015 1:39 PM (GMT 0)
Breathe... In through the nose and out through the mouth with pursed lips, it is called smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. This will help you cope. Make the out breath a couple of beats longer than the in one.

If it gets too bad, maybe you should call your doctor...

I hope you feel better soon.

Do about 10 breaths, then repeat when necessary. This does work after you do it enough...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/17/2015 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you. Have a meeting at my son's school. I don't feel up to it. I just want to lay down. Shut down.

I will try the breaths. The journaling helps for a bit then I go right back downhill. I am writing a lot though. I feel like I am writing a novel. Didn't bring it to work. Don't want to write too much.

I may call my psych doctor or email the therapist. I don't want to be a bother. Even my friends, going to stop with them too. They think I should just suck it up and be done. I'm trying but I can't seem to do it. I feel like I'm getting sucked down.

Hope I'm not bothering you all.
Posted 6/17/2015 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
You are not a bother. I would call the psyche or therapist because they could help you. We are here for you and so are they. You could use a little help right now so make the call. You will be taking care of you that way. If you don't feel up to going to your son's school, let them know. Take the day and relax, but do call the doc or therapist. You will feel better when you talk to them.

I hope you feel better soon!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/17/2015 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Stillme,

You have to keep busy, to stay above the crap.

You user name alone states how strong you are. STILL ME even though.....

Take one day at a time, do not look past the next few hours. Read, watch TV anything that will take a small amount of you attention. distraction skills are essential at this time.

You are doing good keep it up!

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 6/18/2015 11:05 AM (GMT 0)
I slept longer last night. Went to sleep about 11:30, woke up around 5. That's the good.

The bad, I am really sad. I want to call her so badly. Been crying, though not uncontrollably (I guess that's another good) since I woke up at 5 and now it is 7. I'm getting so drained here. I'm tired.
Posted 6/18/2015 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
Grief is hard. There is no set time limit. Crying releases stress fighting enzymes. Don't beat yourself up for crying. I also have issues with shutting off my brain when it has climbed aboard the 'express train'. I try to channel the thoughts. What is the main thread? What is the 'worst case scenario?'

For example, when my son deployed to Iraq, my mind started racing. Worst case scenario? That he wouldn't come home alive. So, I planned his funeral. Sounds morbid, I know, but it channeled the thoughts and my brain 'accepted the plan' and finally calmed down. "What if's" drive me to distraction! Once I do this process with whatever is on my mind, I feel better.
Posted 6/18/2015 12:57 PM (GMT 0)
Stillme,

Please do call somebody if you are still feeling badly. Your therapist would help you I am sure. That is what they are there for. Let them know you need some help right now.

Thinking of you...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/18/2015 2:25 PM (GMT 0)
Sent emails to psych Dr and therapist. Here at primary care. Never told him about the depression. Wonder if I should.
Posted 6/18/2015 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
It wouldn't hurt for them to know everything, then they will all be on the same team for helping you. I hope you are feeling a bit better now. I see you posted on the check in thread, I like that thread... take care of you first and foremost. Keep up all the good work...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/19/2015 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
I did tell my primary care about my depression. I should have told him how miserable I am feeling. But I put on that fake face. Then cried when I left.
Posted 6/19/2015 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
I do the same thing. Have a hard time talking to the doctors. I often write a list and try to say everything on it. I hope you feel better soon...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/20/2015 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
I wake up crying. I missed the office call about an available appointment. I called yesterday and nobody has returned my call. She cut Saturday hours for the summer. The on call number did nothing. Pretending that nothing is wrong is getting harder and harder. Don't want to be around anybody. Maybe not even talk to my friends that are really trying. They don't understand so I don't want to frustrate them.

Started working in my DB workbook again. Journaling - for my therapist. I really wish somebody would give me a shot or a pill to take this away.
Posted 6/20/2015 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
I know that the DBT and the journaling are going to help. I am glad you get help from your therapist. Talk to them about mindfulness. It helps a lot too. These are all things we can do where we don't have to rely on a pill for. This is within us.

Try to not seclude yourself. If you have a friend that is trying to understand, help them to. It means a lot to have friends in times like this. Though I do understand about wanting to be alone. I am far too much. But I am use to that.

I hope you feel better real soon Stillme...

Hugs, Karen...
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