Evil inside

Hi,

I've had depression since I was in school but recently it feels like there's something dark inside me, it makes no sense to me but I scare myself because I know what I'm like if I lose my temper. It's like it's taking over I feel nothing but anger/hate towards everyone. Do you think I should go back to my doctor? I don't really want to be put back on tablets I became to reliant on them. I don't know what to do.

It sounds stupid but I'm so scared, it's taken me years for someone to believe me that I had depression, I feel like if I tell someone what's really going on inside my head. There just going to think I'm a freak

Go see your doctor and tell him/her about it. Nobody reads minds. You deserve to be helped.

Also, I just want to point out your thinking is contradictory here, a further symptom of depression. You say that you are glad someone took you seriously, but that you think this same someone will look down on you for being honest. I would say that if someone I was trying to help wasn't honest with me, I would be sad they didn't feel that they could be honest.

So. Stop beating yourself up. Make the call.

One more thing. So many people stop their medication when they feel better, and then get depressed again. If you truly do not want medication--then you need to do the hard work of therapy. Some people have a family history and will be on mediation for life. But, my therapist has helped me change my thinking and taught me coping mechanisms.

Welcome to the forum.

I know about what you are feeling.

As if there is an evil enity inside that you have controlled or did not know about; then all of a sudden there it is. It is becoming dominate and out of control.

You are not possessed. It is your 'shadow' self. Our bad emotions. You never learned to deal with them properly or something as triggered you that you are not aware of. I put a link at the bottom of the post for you.

Definately call the Doc. ASAP, tell them in detail what is going on. How you loose control, what is happening when you do, who you feel during and after.

This can be fixed.

You might even consider therapy for a couple months, just see what might me tucked away in the back of your mind.

I wish you peace and comfort. Know you are not alone and welcome to stay and post here any time.
Trina

/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/201204/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-what-is-the-shadow

Loz,

just checking in.

Did you see your Doc yet? How are you feeling any clearer?

If you need some coping skill sites untill you talk to your doc I can give you some.

Peace
Trina