Posted 6/24/2015 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
I have been in a relationship with an amazing man for 6months now I know he had depression when we met and in our time together I witnessed panic attacks ,he also seems to have self loathing abandonment issues.....he had a really bad time at work a month ago and he seemed to have a few weeks of not being right atall but still maintained the relationship with me ,being loving and I supported him.
I have four children ...and he was part of their lives he never wanted his own ..and at first was emotional about being part of a family that wanted and loved him ......
Fast foward to now and for the last month I've not seen him ..he told me he needed time and it wasn't about how he felt about me ..he said we would still go to a show we had booked for this coming Saturday .in the month I've had a phone call a week and messages sporadically...but he no longer asks how I am ...the last phone call was last Tuesday and he was in tears we spoke about his depression..i asked if he wanted me to go as know he finds talking difficult...he said he didn't know ..i said I could waffle on if he liked he said yes please so I did ....we got cut off but he rang back he thanked me for talking to him....he even text in the middle of the night saying he couldn't sleep ,was writing things down as counsellor advised that but was making him feel worse...
This past Friday I get a message saying anxiety back with a vengeance lost my voice,but will call tomorrow if back as we have things to discuss x
He knows how anxious I get ......the man I know would know that ....late the next day I get a message saying still no voice...and went on to say ..he didn't think he could do the whole family thing ..and had only just realised..he knew what we felt for each other,we had improved each others lives but kept coming back to not wanting children the day to day responbility of them ..but he lives apart from us ....but that's the expectation..i asked what shall we do .
He didn't know ...did he want to break up didn't know ..back to the children thing again.he wanted to see me but wasn't sure about the future..but wouldn't say it was over and didn't know if he loved me ...the next day comes messages saying still no voice think its important we talk at the weekend .but doubt I can do the show ...then yesterday I get a message telling me his been signed off work ..and have to play the weekend by ear ...
They are of course many other factors to this story but this man and I fell madly in love he would always tell me I was his happy place ,he trusted me physically,mentally how in sync he felt with me
How lucky we were to have each other...now this cold loveless person is in his place
He suggested moving here ..not me..he looked for a new car for us not me ,family holiday booked ..trips just him and me booked ....we spoke all the time...it took me 7 years to trust anyone again after my children's father...he was my ideal man in every way and I feel his been taken from me I know his meds have been upped ..i feel so alone with all this the despair is drowning me ..how does all that love disappear .....I've decided not to contact him unless he does me ,maybe not having my constant presence will make him think ...
So alone Daniella:(