Narcissism at work in our culture

I was listening to a teacher talk to her class today, and was moderately disturbed by what I was hearing. No,nothing illegal or dangerous or obscene. She was seriously stroking their self-esteem, telling them how good they were, smart they were, and how elite they were. I was actively squirming by the time the bell rang for class change.

This has become a greater issue in our schools in the past thirty years, as our children expect to hear flattering things about themselves, even when they do not measure up to the standard. I have noticed it in different populations of students, and while always concerning, it was worse in less academically accomplished people than it was in those who can succeed on their own merits. This behavior results in grade inflation, bullying, requests for grade changes, and for individual changes to the way the class operates and it's standards. More importantly, it alters the way people think about themselves and lessens their ability to encounter failure. When we fail, we learn what works and what doesn't. Much as I would like to be able to sing, I fail even though I have put effort and time into the process. I am just tone-deaf. So don't tell me how good I sounded.

In our broader culture, overly-abundant self-esteem is becoming a bigger issue. Kids and adults alike are suffering from more panic attacks, more depression,and more life problems that ever before. In a "mememememe" culture, the roadblocks we encounter will lessen our ability to succeed, and will cause us to reach for lesser goals or to give up trying altogether.

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So, yes, narcissism is a problem in more than our schools. I have read of twenty-somethings with high anxiety and deepening depression, unable to live up to their own press. I am worried about our future, when the discipline of hard work gives way to lesser goals and lesser empathy for others. Depression is inevitable when failure occurs, or when our accomplishments are not heralded as brilliance. We feel worse about ourselves, and then accordingly make bad choices, and the cycle perpetuates itself.

The answer? I wish I knew. My only suggestion is to encourage others to take a moment and look at the world from another person's perspective, to realize that working towards something takes failure and perseverance. This doesn't seem a useful answer to a deepening problem.

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 9/3/2015 1:22:16 PM (GMT-6)

Just last night on PBS NEwsHour, they had a segment on higher education counseling centers becoming busier with more serious mental health concerns. One of the gentlemen discussing the issue reported that within the past 5 years, depression has fallen from #1 to #2 as the most prevalent concern among students. Now, anxiety is on the rise. He also said that many students come into the system already taking AD meds.

Clearly, as a 'culture,' we are doing something very very wrong.

I agree,Jamie, adults need to try and instill perseverance in their communities. And for the most socialized, the ones with active parenting, this can happen. But we have huge cracks, and more kids than ever before being taught early that success in big things is elusive.

As an example,I taught at two different schools,one private with upper/middle class students, and one state school with enrollment focused towards first generation college students. At the first school, huge anxieties, but kids who had learned to mask it. I also noted that privilege was rampant, but this was largely due to ignorance of the real world and lack of serious problems. There were few to no grade challenges. Their work ethic was pretty good. The state school had some excellent students,but also a huge problem with excuses, not taking learning seriously, and students who expected dumbed-down course work. I ran into so many grade challenges every single semester. There was an expectation that I would grade easily,and do bell curves. Less anxiety there,but a deepening problem with apathy was of concern to me. If you don't care, you don't really try. You can have big dreams and expectations, but unless you put the time in, they ain't gonna come to fruition.

Arg. What ahppens when the over-achievers fail? When the under-achievers wake up and realize that their lives will not correspond with their fantasy? The mental health crisis will keep getting bigger and bigger.