Denture Depression

So I am 40 years young and have had my upper dentures now for 10 months and Im struggling.

I had 6 teeth out in a the dentist chair in one hit, no hospital, no painkillers, only a local and imediate dentures put in and sent home alone with some gauze and instructions for the next 24 hours.

After the initial month of pain the denture itself is fine enough, they fit ok not slipping and sliding without the aid of adhesive too bad, they look perfect, there should be no issues.

However I no longer feel like a woman and have been majorly depressed ever since getting them. I'm living in a really remote area and I cant help feeling the dentist did not give me any good advice on what I coulld do to save what I had but kept pushing me to get them because "Im a smoker" and these "will look so much better".

I feel like Id almost chew my arm off if I could get those last 6 teeth back where they were and go for more advice, however time, distance and money probably would have failed me doing that in a timely manner anyway.

Intimacy is a turn off. I have been with my partner for over 2 years and he is the most loving and understanding person I know. We enjoyed each other. Now I feel so digusted just at the thought of intimacy, even as simple as a kiss. I have not properly kissed him since. Our sex life is non existent because I just want to cry whenever the subject is bought up. Part of me wishes it never had to hear the word again, and I have always had a healthy part of life there. I find when I dont want to cry over it I feel angry, angry that my dentist did not prepare me one bit for what Im feeling, have no close friends in this town Im in for work and since having it done and trying to share some things about it in follow up visits he brushes over me with comments like "well thats what yo get for smoking blah! blah!".

Yes I have contributed by smoking, but in saying this my actual teeth were fine, dentist even said so before he pulled them, but they were getting loose. I origianlly put this down to having teeth taken out as a child as they told me back then that they could have a tendency to float over time, but at no time in the past few years have I experienced any "gum disease" symptoms or had any dentist make me aware of any deep problems. I had a couple of upset back teeth pulled 3-4 years ago because the dentist said they needed it but not a word about gum disease until I move to a town in the middle of nowhere to a dentist who tells me this would be the best idea. I also tried to speak to him about other contributing factors, but he says dentists dont care about smokers so much because they never give up, he wont take into account diet or even hear my concerns that I tired to raise a number of times before losing my teeth even came up about a terrible grinding habit ive had for far too many years due to PTSD and internalising anxiety and stress that not only has me waking up with a saw jaw but poeple in rooms next to me ask me hat that horrible sound that woke them up was. Many who couldnt even sleep next to me because of it, but the dentist brushed it off with "we all grind our teeth" .... but from what Ive read not to the point I have done.

Im struggling to find a way to think he was right, he offered me no alternative to dentures, said it was the only thing that could really be done and it was better to do it sooner than later. Ive found since then on follow up visits there could have been a number of other avenues to try save/prolong what I had left, which although I only had my full bottoms and 6 upper teeth I still felt like a woman. Something I have not felt since the day he took them. This depresses me so much and I dont even know how to look in the mirror with anything other than a grimace.

Ive always battled anxiety and depression but was still quite comfortable with he skin (and teeth) I was in. At no point did my teeth make me self conscious before removal and even miss the little gap I had in between my twp front ones, to me it wasnt a gap it was part of me. I had grown comfortable with my visual imperfections. The dentist told me I would be silly to put back now. I dont like my "perfect smile" ... I dont hate it but I dont wear it with pride. But oh well I guess now whats done is done and cant go back


What makes me even more depressed is that all the looking around at others who had the same procedure done and are happy and loving their new teeth. I feel even more abnormal for not loving my new smile.

What do people who experience this kind of internal shut down of confidence and happiness do?

How do I even begin to feel like a woman again?

Missum, I too am a smoker and dealing with teeth issues. I think you are grieving. Yep, that's right, I said grieving. The loss of one's teeth is a LOSS. Grief takes time.

You don't feel like you. You don't look like you. You don't feel whole and 'normal'. That, believe it or not, IS 'normal'.

Top it off with moving, feeling pressured into a snap decision by a judgemental person who you've probably been 'trained' to respect and now you're experiencing 'buyers remorse' with no way to make the 'return'.

I think there's a lot going into your not 'feeling like a woman'. You may be not feeling like an adult. Were you bullied as a child? Did you feel 'controlled' by others before? Are you usually indecisive and leave the decision making to others?

So, now we are left with the results. Of course you are nervous about how a 'regular' kiss will feel. Will the denture stay in place? How will my partner feel about the sensation of the denture? The only way to know is to do it. Try thinking about it the way you approached your first kiss ever! Let that nervousness lead to excitement of exploring the unknown.

It's like when I dye my hair. Does that mean that my partner doesn't like my natural hair color? Does that mean she'd rather be with someone else? Is she imagining being with someone else? These types of questions haunt us when something about us is changed. My hair, your teeth.

Since so much of what you are feeling seems similar to what women who have undergone mastectomy go through, perhaps you could contact that type of support group and seek their guidance while you become accustomed to your new appearance.

Keep posting. It helps to get the input and support of others.

Thank you Pitmom. I had never thought about it like that. Even cried when I read what you wrote. I think you have hit the nail on the head. Your right ... I just dont feel normal at all.

Thinking about how I felt when my mum passed away some years back, its not exactly the same by any stretch but on the physical side the numb, shut off feeling is very close.

I dont want to sound like a victim but to answer your question yes I was rather bullied as my upbringing was in a violent drug and alcohol addicted household. I wont go into detail but it was bad and it was rough, however things I did not carry on like that once I left home, and have many years of counselling for it though I know I have not undone all the damage from there. In general Im ok at standing up for myself when being attacked, but yes we are taught to trust the advice we get from these professionals and it seems I drew the short straw on getting a caring one this time around.

Stupid thing is I have absolutely no conscious fear my partner will be bothered. He is really the most gentle and caring guy and barely even tries to push the boundaries that have placed themself around me. He tells me often that hes looking forward to when I can be comfortable with myself just for my own sake. I know he loves my new look and my old one. No lack of confidence thinking he would prefer anyone else as he communicates his wishes to be with me forever as much now as he did before they were removed and hes seen me at some of my worst. True friend. Ive changed, he hasnt.

I just havent come to terms with how it feels for me I guess.

Getting by it has been 10 months. The thing is Im not beating myself up, not consciously. I do not put myself down for them I just feel like something that was alive before died when they were taken and could not put any logic to it, because they do look great. I truly expected to be somewhat used to them by now. I mean Im used to the feel of them, but just couldnt seem to put my finger on why Im still so depressed. Its not like I focus attention on hating them and spend a lot of energy trying to simply forget them. I wish I was as lucky as you. To be honest the way I feel is not matching any logic, until reading Pitmoms post and that is what has been conflicting for me.

BnotAfraid .. you are right, no teeth doesnt make you a woman but this has nothing to do with vanity. It feels as if you have misjudged things about me. I am not american and having worked for 10 years in a strip club .. I have always been ok with how I personally looked and as I mentioned my new teeth look perfect. If looks were the issue I would be happy .. not wanting my imperfect 6 teeth back. I didnt want my old teeth gone, I was told it was the only thing I could do only to find later that there were many things that could have been tried before he pushed me down this path.

When you work in that environment with a good bunch of girls like I had on my team you are brainwashed to be confident in your own skin and know your own value no matter what you look like as we learnt many times .. the gorgeous girl opens her mouth and ruins all her pretty while the average girls open their mouth and become absolute gorgeous wonder. Its all personality.

If you ever lose your teeth and get dentures, which I truly hope to whatever god there is to pray to out there that you dont, you will then understand this is far from a vanity issue and also not an issue born from being brainwashed from advertising

I do thank you for your time to read and reply. I very much appreciate the peace wishes. I sure hope I can somehow find some of that within myself over this one. I just expected

I will very much take Pitmoms advice and search for a forum of people who have come to adjust to the loss of some part of their body gone, get some help on how to deal with the grief. I guess I had just expected to be feeling ok about myself by now and highly underestimated the impact this would have on me.

Post Edited (Missum) : 10/3/2015 3:24:36 PM (GMT-6)

Bnotfraid I was not offended. I truly appreciated you would take time to read and reply.

I just felt a little misjudged by your answer ... although maybe I could have found a softer word to use and thats why I gave some background on me so others also did not mistakenly think Im worried about what I look like or what others will think I look like.

I know I wont be any less loved by others. I just havent been able to understand why all of a sudden I had such a dramatic shut down of myself with it. I was not very well mentally prepared for what I went through I guess. Living in a remote town, I kinda didnt know where else to turn to share these things and try make sense of those feelings or lack of in some areas.

I completely relate to you. I am 50 and had full uppers done on advice by a biased prothodontist. Every time I look in the mirror in the morning and watch the middle of my mouth sink in I suffer bad depression. Every time I talk and every time I smile and it feels unnatural I get depressed. The negatives of dentures outweigh the positives. When the dentist tells you that it will change the shape of your face believe it. It will and its devastating. Since I had them not one person has complimented me. The best I got was "nice" from a good
friend. Other friends say they preferred me before. Most of them avoid the subject. I agree with them. Full Dentures are horrid. They are not teeth, they are an uncomfortable chunk of plastic with plastic teeth pressed in. They are uncomfortable, make you gag and the loss of teeth and shrinking gums will do irraperable damage to your face. With over dentures and snap ons available I don't understand why some dentists advise full dentures when they know full well the negatives of them. I hear you and I feel you. Your depression is valid. I believe when other people tell you that they love theirs I believe they are saying it because it makes them feel better about their own. You are not alone. Removing all your teeth is akin to having any body part amputated and wearing full dentures is akin to wearing a prosthesis ( which is what dentures are,). Its an old fashioned outdated option which is forced onto people by either biased dentists who are unable to embrace modern dentistry or the high costs of other options like implants or over dentures. In conclusion you have every right to feel depressed and I can relate. Dentures are life altering and when the type you have lean towards the negative of that then its only natural that you are not happy with them and you get depressed. I hate mine and mine were done by one of the best in the business and I paid top dollar for them. I still cry often a year later. My jaw bone has disintegrated now so its to late for over dentures. I'm stuck with these monstrosities and there nothing I cant do to change that. Its devastating.

Post Edited (Shandy) : 4/5/2020 1:56:13 AM (GMT-6)

Shandy, I had my remaining 14 teeth removed in January, along with a large torus from the roof of my mouth. My dentist spent over an hour with me, making sure (to the best of his ability) that I understood this is not unlike an amputation. I have to wait 6 months for the torus removal sight to fully heal and for the gums to heal and recede, to get the best fit possible.

I won't lie. I'm worried. I hope they can match my 'old smile' closely. I don't want super white, fake looking teeth. I know I'll have another period of adjustment to get through. It won't be the same.

The thing is...nothing stays the same...nothing at all. Different doesn't necessarily mean bad.

I cannot forget the look on my partners face when she first saw me toothless. I cannot forget her first words of "You look ten years older!" She didn't say it to hurt me. Hopefully, she will have something nicer to say when I have my new teeth in place and learn how to use them. Nothing stays the same...nothing at all.

I totally understand I have 5 teeth removed and after 2 years I realised I’m allergic to metal and acrylic in my dentures I am so depressed...

Wow! Auto check for disturbing words has not let the name through! Hope you know who I'm talking about!