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Posted 10/27/2005 1:47 PM (GMT 0)
Brief medical history:

•Diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in 2000
•Liver Abcess in June 2000
•Colon Resection in Sept 2000

Shortly thereafter, I developed Ankylosing Spondylitis.

After I got out of the hospital in 2000, I began taking pain medicines. Before this, I didn't drink, smoke & do any recreational drugs.

First, the pain meds were to help after my surgery. Then, with my AS, I needed help with my back pain.

Obviously, I developed an addiction. It's not something I'm proud of, but it happened. I went off of the Pain Meds, but nothing seem to help me feel normal emotionally

I became very depressed around this time. My family doctor put me on a number of depression medicines. I continued to take those pills for 3 years. My symptoms didn't improve, so I weaned myself off of them early this year.

I'm not sure what my problem is anymore. My energy levels are down because of my Crohn's (I get a B-12 shot monthly), I'm cheerful, but I just don't feel good inside.

I feel like I have to constantly keep moving because if I stop, I am miserable. I've taken an extra job on the weekends just so I don't have to sit around the house.

I need something to help me sleep because otherwise I would stare at the ceiling all night.

I've asked my family doctor for help, I've talked to counslers...I just haven't gotten any answers.

Does anyone else have similar issues? Can anyone shed some light?

I try to keep my mind occupied when I get home from work, but I can't seem to "Come Down" and relax.

Thanks in advance.

SC
Posted 10/27/2005 3:55 PM (GMT 0)
SC, I can relate to much of what you said. I hate laying in bed watching the ceiling fan go all night. I take temazapam to help me sleep. It has really helped. I too have taken on a second job to keep me busy and the B-12 doesn't seem to help much for the fatigue from Crohn's for me. Can't stay awake during the day and can't sleep at night when I lay down. Now go figure.

The best thing I have done for me is long term counseling. I have been seeing the same therapist for over a year. I gone in once a month and just talk about life and what is going on inside my head. It wasn't a quick fix. I couldn't really say that it was helping until the last couple of months. As we reviewed where I am to where I was, it became clear that I am better now. I also found a hobby to spen free time on. It is a good distraction when I feel a little discouraged.

Good luck, and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
Posted 10/27/2005 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your honest reply. I have considered counseling again.

I try to do things at home (i.e. hobbies) to keep my mind occupied, but to no avail. I hate the hours between 5pm and 10pm. I feel like just going home and going to sleep. I feel like crap.

Is is the Crohn's that does this to us?

SC
Posted 10/27/2005 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
SemiColon, I can understand where you're coming from-- I was taking a lot of pain meds due to a car accident, but then I was using them to cope with any problems, kind of trying to escape from things for a while. Not a healthy way to deal with stuff, I know. I finally broke free of it, but it's difficult not to go back to those habits. It's much harder to deal with everything without some type of crutch. I also lay awake at night & my brain just goes on & on & won't shut down to let me get some sleep. When I was taking huge doses of pain meds, they knocked me clean out, so at least I was sleeping. Counseling was hard for me because it's difficult for me to open up to a stranger about all my problems, especially because I tend to break down into tears when I try to talk about it. It's a relief to know I'm not some kind of freak & that others are going through the same things I am. I was tired of wondering why I was so depressed/anxious, etc. when everyone around me seems so sane & content.
Posted 10/28/2005 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your response. It does feel good to know that you're not the only one out there.

I keep hoping that I can go back to being normal, but I'm not sure how to do that anymore.

I am seeking help. I've made an appointment with a counsler and may ever seek a therapist's help. I have to make a change.

I don't enjoy life and that's not fair to my wife or my family.

SC
Posted 10/28/2005 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
What is normal anyway? I don't think anyone is "normal" in this day & age. BUT, I'm glad you're seeking counseling -- they may recommend meds, or it may just help you to talk to someone. I kept trying to go off antidepressants and I'd just go back to being depressed again -- my doc told me some people just have low levels of serotonin in their brains & they have to stay on antidepressants all the time to keep those levels normal so they can function. Made sense to me. I know what you mean about not feeling fair to your wife or family. Makes you feel worse when you lash out at them or don't feel like yourself & feel like you're depriving your family, doesn't it? Kind of piles on the guilt & depression, even if your family doesn't say a word. You're suffering through physical problems, trying to overcome an addiction, which isn't just over because you stopped the meds, and depression -- give yourself a break & try to giveyourself some time. Your children will love you through it. The fact that you're seeking help says a lot for your desire to get through this, so hang in there, talk to someone, and take it a minute at a time (forget day at a time, that's too hard! :))
Posted 10/28/2005 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging words. Luckily, my wife scheduled an appointment with our family doctor today. He was limited by what he could do, but prescribed Wellbutrin an Seroquel for now.

I am going to see a therapist in the coming weeks. He wanted to start me on something in the meantime.

I don't think I deserve the love and support my wife is giving me. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Again...thank you.

SC
Posted 10/29/2005 3:38 AM (GMT 0)
I sometimes wonder why my husband & kids put up with me -- I definitely feel like I don't deserve them -- Sometimes I even wonder if it would be easier for all of them if I wasn't here -- SO, I know how you feel about being undeserving -- BUT, the fact that you have a supportive spouse who is willing to hang in there with you & help you through this says something about YOU as well, and I'll bet you DO deserve all the love & support they can give you!! There's a reason she's loving & supporting you, remember that, because obviously she feels like you ARE worth the effort. I think we are our own worse critics, and I think that gets worse with those of us that have depression issues -- I think we're harsher judges of ourselves than most people because of our guilt issues. Be kind to yourself & try to believe that you ARE deserving of love & support, because your family obviously believes that you are.
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