I um... I need help.

Now, I guess, if you've decided to help me...
I am a fourteen year old girl and I don't know who to turn to for advice.
I realize my problem is probably not original, but google really hasn't supplied me with an answer, and I was wondering if one of you guys could.
I have been off and on depressed for the past couple of years due to a social anxiety disorder and very low self esteem for no clear reason except that I am uncomfortable as a person and everything I do.

Lately I have been very very not well.
Now, I have a boyfriend. He is also depressed, and he just recently had to go to therapy because a certified official was concerned about his cutting problem. Anyway, I broke up with him because I thought it was what him and I both needed to heal a little bit, ya know, some space.
Also, as an important side note, he goes to a different school and I don't see him very often because we are both very busy with school.

So, when I broke up with him he was very mad, he deleted all his social media and sent lots of mean photos to me and said "**** you" to me, and it made me very sad and I stayed up all night that night deciding if I wanted to commit suicide, because, I was, well, done.

So, I did eventually get back together with him a few days later when I begged him for forgiveness, because I was well, very sad and very lonely.

Ever since I have been very very sad. I keep telling myself that he would be better off without me and that I make his life horrible and he always tells me to snap out of it but it never really helps. He always says he loves me and he regrets what he did, and I want to believe him, but I have trust issues due to past toxic relationships, and it's difficult.

So, now, there is another guy. He is very nice to me and he wants to help me but he goes to another school and that is all too familiar... But it doesn't matter how familiar it is, because he promises hope, and my heart chooses to believe him.
But I'm in a relationship currently.

Which makes me feel terrible that I like two guys at the same time.
And lately I've just been feeling sad, I guess.
My friend and younger sister say that I should break up with him and date the other guy but... They don't really understand the situation, the only know that I like two guys and two guys like me.

I kind of want to just be single, but I think that would just make me feel lonelier, make my boyfriend treat me horribly again and make this new guy really want to be my boyfriend.
and I don't know if I want that.
But I also really want that.

but really I'm just sad.
And I don't know if that makes any sense but it's 3 in the afternoon and I'm shaking and crying and I really just don't know what to do.

Thanks.

Post Edited (TuEsDays) : 11/30/2015 2:31:17 AM (GMT-7)

Hi Tuesday,

Welcome to the forum. I think a guidance counselor is the best thing. Either at school or with mental health. I don't like how the first guy treated you. Nobody deserves that. So please don't go back to him.

In my opinion, I think you should work on feeling better first. Then school, then the other guy if you are interested. But first and foremost, please work on you. You may be feeling needy at the time because you are depressed. Keep working on school. It is so important. Learn as much as you can while you are young. Oh my, I sound like my grandmother... But it is important to learn while you are younger... And it makes you smarter and more self confident.

I hope that things get better. Take care of you.

Hugs, Karen...

14, so young.

You have so much time to date and go through these issues later. Do yourself a favor. Just be friends if possible with these boys.

School work is hard enough with out worrying who likes who and if you are part of their issues. Which you are not. It is their stuff! You have your own stuff to work through and grow out of.

Give yourself a chance to learn and become a healed person yourself before you attach to someone else. You deserve this time.

Peace
Trina

Probably not what you want to hear but why the rush to be in a relationship?

When I was 14 I was in the eighth grade. Not a single girl in my grade, there were only 4 boys in the 8th grade. In the 7th grade there were 2 girls, one my sister. I didn't have any choice other than waiting.

I definitely thought about it. I fell deeply in love with a 6th grader. Destroyed my grade average. She was such a tease.

Tuesdays,

There may be some truth in that we older folks do not remember so well the intensity of emotions at your age.

However, I do believe that todays media outputs help to increase the "need" for younger people to have mates at an early age.

This is not necessary and is increased peer pressure.

I think you should follow what you love in life at your age and not worry about who to love, that will come in time.

Peace
Trina

-grins-

The message is a good message, Trina. It's important and necessary. Only the most valiant of teenagers, who have good parenting AND a strong sense of self AND a good school environment, are going to be able to withstand the peer pressure. Today's social media exacerbates the race to the boy/girl,and the sheer numbers of people who weigh in on the decision. The millennials are the same kids we were, but with a precocious knowledge of things we would prefer they didn't know AND access to lots of information.

True story. At a middle school a year ago, Monday morning, standing in the hall at the start of the day... I think I was there for 7th grade that day. A girl went racing by, keening with tears rolling down her cheeks. She was followed closely by her 'crew,' who were calling her name with alarm. She stopped, turned around and fell into her friend's arms. Wailing. Very loudly, and largely being ignored by all the kids and watched by the teachers. One said to me, "This is a normal thing in middle school. She's fine." I grabbed the tissues and went over. She was crying and saying she didn't understand. I pulled one of the friends aside,gave her the tissues, and asked the problem and if there was anything I could do. Turns out that she and a fine gent had decided to date over texting last night, but this morning he ignored her on the school bus. I blinked once and said,"That's awful. He ought to have said hello,at least. Hon,go wash your face before class. Girls, take her to the bathroom."

We learn by doing. Unfortunately, we learn on each other.

Tuesdays, you don't have to answer each one here. We're just happy to share our experiences. Take it easy on yourself. You were very wise to seek guidance.