This is hard.

I'm sitting at my brothers, in a room crying and for no good rhyme or reason. Things have been so hard lately... The holidays, personal life and everything else... I can't seem to kick this depression. I've been on lexapro for a few months now and I don't know if it's helping or not. I feel like such a mess. All I want is to enjoy my family and get through these days but depression is making it so hard. I can't stand feeling like this anymore. I can't.

I would also suggest practicing mindfulness. The problem with chronic depression is that we don't always have a reason for feeling the way we do. But instead of compounding issues and stressing over everything that's going wrong...just think about the moment you're in right now. You're sitting down. You're crying. You don't know why. Just think about those 3 things for a few minutes. Listen to your breathing. Think about how your body feels. Don't wonder why. Then think about the next step, and only the next step, toward moving forward. Maybe that next step is walking to the bathroom like BnotAfraid suggested. Once you've done that, think about what's next. Fill the sink with cold water? Take deep breaths? Something else that would make you feel good in that moment? Mindfulness can be hard at first, but if you really strip down what's going on in this very minute, and not think about anything else, it can help you to minimize the pain.

Sometimes even faking having a good time can help a bit. Smile and hug your family. Compliment them. Help create a happy scene, which in turn may help you feel a bit better knowing you're bringing some light to their holiday.

Most importantly, don't beat yourself up for how you feel. So many people are going through the exact same thing you feel right now. It is okay not to feel happy at the moment, and it is okay to want to be happy. Take baby steps. I hope things look up for you and you can enjoy some of your holiday.

Thank you. I feel so defeated lately. Thankful for you on this board to help me through. I need some good days so I can remember how it feels to not always feel like this. I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams and trying to keep myself together just isn't working.

I did, thank you so much Trina. It did help me to find the present moment again. Today just has not been my day. Someone stole $200 out of my wallet... And I never have cash. It was just from the holiday. Can't win lately.