Depression/grief

Hello

I am a 23 year old female battling some depression and anxiety and grief... I'm looking for some tips, tricks and maybe just some support. I find myself laying in bed currently, crying, just a wreck. To make a very long story short, I haven't had the easiest life. I was adopted by two disabled parents who have unfortunately both passed away. I was extremely close to my mom.. I took care of her for the most part. She recently passed away in September. I just feel so helpless. I have cut ties with the rest of my adoptive family as they are toxic and do not treat me with respect. I just miss my momma so much it hurts so bad and I feel like I have nobody to turn to. I just feel like a waste of space. My mom was there everyday to give hugs and tell me she loved me and now she's gone and I feel like nothing anyone can say can change the fact that she's gone. I do have close friends and they have been wonderful but they can only do so much. I feel like a burden. I work full time to support myself and my cat but I'm just having a really hard time right now. I sleep as soon as I get home from work. I feel like doing chores is impossible and I just lay in bed and cry.

So if anyone has any tips or kind words, it would be much appreciated. I do see a psychiatrist and a therapist and I take Zoloft 200mg daily and Xanax as needed. I recently tried abilify and it did not work for me and I begged my doctor to go off of it and he agreed.

Thank you for reading

Willow16

Hi Willow,

Welcome to the forum. I hope that things get better for you. You sound like a very kind person. One day at a time is all we can do. I am sorry that the abilify didn't help. I take it and it works wonders for me.


Keep posting and know we all care.

Hugs, Karen...

Hello everyone

Thank you for your replies... Since I posted this, things took a turn for the worst. I ended up checking in to the hospital and I was/still am having a major depressive episode. I think the hospital helped but my psychologist wrote me off of work for a very long time which I think made things worse because I was just spending time home alone (I live alone).

When I was at the hospital, they called my sister to have her come for a "family session" and she declined. That really hurt me.. The psychiatrist at the hospital told me if she did not agree to coming to the family session, to detach myself from her emotionally. So I was working on that when I got out and then the other day I got a card from her in the mail (I WISH SHE WOULD MAKE UP HER MIND). Her daughters (my beautiful nieces) sent me a little valentine. Inside the envelope (not on a card, literally on the inside of the envelope) my sister wrote, "hope you are feeling better, we are praying for you" ugh I just don't understand her at all.

I'm trying to focus on getting better. I seem to be dwelling on the fact that I lost my parents and my sister doesn't want to speak to me. I just keep thinking about how unfair it is... But I am thankful for the people I do have and I am trying (very hard) to accept that these people are my family... I just wish things were easier...

When I was at the hospital, they increased my Zoloft to 225mg. I mentioned to the doctor that I had heard 200mg was the highest you could go on Zoloft. He said, "we can go higher in severe cases" or something like that. His comment made me feel horrible. I don't want to be a severe case....

Sorry for rambling... How long do your depressive episodes usually last? I feel like I take one step forward and one step back. I just want to feel like myself again... I am normally happy-go-lucky, optimistic and fun to be around.

Hope to hear from someone. Thanks for reading

Xo willow

Willow,

People, including family, are fearful of what they do not understand.
Depression, Inpatient stays have huge stigmas that people do not bother to educate themselves on. So fears stop them. Puts a wall up.

Do not worry about your sisters response to you or your situation. You can not control that. However, you can control your actions, your improving and your safety. Continue to build your skills and use self-compassion to get stronger.

Peace
Trina