Feeling like I could crawl out of my skin

Feeling anxious and overwhelmed today. long story.. my step-father, I don't like to call him that, I have other names for him but I won't use them here right now. Anyway, he molested me from the ages of 7 to 13. He passed away in 1999. But, he had remarried after my mother and had a daughter with his new wife. Well she has reached out to me and my other siblings. Anyway.. it's brought back a lot of painful memories and I can't keep them off my mind. It sounds to me like she really holds this creep in high regard. I won't tell her anything because I don't want to upset her. She wants meet us all... I'm really confused and bothered right now. My brother thinks she's a really nice lady.. that's great and all but I don't think I do, not now anyway. I don't even know where I'm going with this but I can't sleep and I just feel restless.

Chrispcat, wow! That would certainly upset my applecart. First, let me say that I am so sorry that his sickness affected you so terribly.

I'm a bit confused. Did his widow contact all of you or the daughter? I'm thinking the daughter.

Keep in mind, she might be saying 'good' things about him to see if any of you may refute it. A sort of fishing expedition.

If she was an only child, she may just be trying to make a connection to 'family'. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling her that your experiences with him were apparently nothing like hers, without jumping into details. Above all, be true to yourself. Don't let anyone pressure you into a meeting.

This is just making me crazy in the head. I'm just having memory after memory. they aren't all necessarily bad, I just blocked out that entire family and now I'm remembering things. I told A**hole's sister years ago that he molested me. She said she didn't believe me. I don't think she said anything to Stacey (the daughter). Honestly, I don't think she has any idea. Stacey posted a bunch of stuff in the past about how she loved and missed her father. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it. He wasn't a nice man.

Karen - thank you for responding to my posts. I am trying to get an appointment with my therapist. I just started seeing him every other week but I may be able to see him today or Tuesday.

Hey Chris.
I totally feel you're anxiety, as I read your post I was reminded of my own disgusting uncle who molested me. Of course it was way worse for you as this man was your father but I assume it feels quite similar when someone you trust and love (he used to be my favorite uncle) violates you. Lucky you however because my uncle is still alive and acts like he never did anything wrong.
No one believed me and I was pretty much labelled the Lolita in the family for years. However he has two awesome kids (my cousins) and I know he didn't abuse them because everyone in our family thinks he's so great.
My point is that I can't stand the sight of that man and can't even handle it when I hear his name but I will never allow his actions or his ugliness to tarnish or cast an ugly shadow on my awesome cousins. I'm sure this poor girl reaching out to you has no idea what a monster her father was and just wants to have "family" in her life.
I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist as these things can eat you alive if you let them fester. I ignored my anger for years but eventually talked about it in therapy which made it a lot easier to separate him from the rest of my family.
Don't let your fathers ugliness tarnish this poor girl. And not just for her sake but for yours as well.
I don't think she needs to know how horrible he really was and I don't think you should allow him to make you feel bad anymore.
You should try to think of him and see him for what he really was........a SAD, PATHETIC, SICK, UGLY little man that deserves nothing from you but your Pity.
It always makes me feel better to think that way because somehow when you feel sorry for someone they lose all the power they once had over you. I don't know if this helped at all but I really hope you feel better tomorrow! You deserve better than this torment. );


Hugs,
Ursula